87. LXXXVII.
“MAKES A DELEGASHUN UV HISSELF,” AND VISITS
THE PRESIDENT.
Saint's Rest, (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Gersey, }
May the 21st, 1865.
All the Staits uv the North, and the heft uv
them resently subjoogatid, all the sosieties, associashuns
and churchis that ever I heerd uv, hev
sent delegashuns for the purpus uv volunteerin
advice 2 Jonson, the noo President. Feelin that
Noo Gersey shood not be behind in the advice
bizniss, I electid myself a delegashun, borrered a
clene shirt, and traveled 2 Washinton. I wuz
announst ez “a delegashun frum Noo Gersey,”
and wuz to wunst usherd in2 the presents.
“Wher is the delegashun?” ejakoolatid the
President; “hurry em up, for I 've thirteen more
to reseeve this afternoon.”
“Androo Jonson,” sed I, impressivly, “I represent
Noo Gersey, a Stait that hez jest dun honor
to the deceest President.”
“Troo, returnd he; “sich Staits honor patriots—
after they 're dead.”
“I resent the insinooashun, with skorn. Ez
proof that the murder uv the President wrung
the popler hart uv Noo Gersey, let me say, sir,
that the Camden and Amboy Drekturs, at a
meetin calld for the perpus, abslootely votid 2
carry the corpse uv the deceest President over
the road for half-fare! a honor never be4 akordid
to enny livin er ded individjooal. But let that
pars. Noo Gersey needs no speshl pleeder. Ther
she stands. Look at her—ef yoo hev a mycroscope.
“I cum, Androo, ez a originel Dimekrat, who,
whatever other sins he may hev committed, never
skratcht his tikkit er dilootid his whisky. In behaff
uv that Dimokrasy I speak.
“Ez hez bin menshund 2 yoo wunst er twict, a
immense responsibility rests on yoor sholders.
The Suthern Staits struggled for their rites, but
were squelcht. They fought like heroes, but fell,
becoz uv overpowrin numbers agin em. They 're
down—yoor iron heel is on2 their necks. What
will yoo do? Will yoo grind em, er will yoo be
magnanimus?
“Wunst we wuz a happy nashen, and we kin
be so agin—it rests with yoo. Yoo must consiliate
the Dimokrasy. Our party North is magnanymus.
We stand reddy to fergive yoo for
hevin draftid us, for hevin taxt us to support a
unconstooshnel war, providin you 'll stop now.
Woo our Suthern brethrin back with jentle words.
They air a high-sperited and sensitive race, that
kin never be subjoogatid. Take em agin 2 yer
buzzum, and do n't hoomiliate em by degradin
condishns. Give em a chanse 2 fergive us for
whalin uv em. Restore ther niggers, pay ther
war debt, invite Magoffin, and Vance, and Brown,
and the rest uv the guvners, back 2 their various
capitols—give Lee, and Forist, and Boregard ther
posishuns in the reglar army, and penshun the
disabled Confedrit heroes.
“Ther must n't be no hangin. You 've got
that unfortnit staitsman, Davis—he fell in2 yoor
hands becoz he wuz ignorent uv the style uv
yoor (lait Linkin's) minyuns. He mite hev
knode that the soljers never seed a woman takin
to the woods without chasin her. But he must
not be hung. Dimokrasy looks upon the matter
thus.
“You can't hang a man for conspirin agin a
guvment onless he taiks up arms.
“Ef a few take up arms it 's only a riot, and no
hangin matter, 'cept when Ablishnists like John
Brown do it. In sich cases hangin is alluz in
order.
“Ef a number uv Staits do it, it 's a revolooshen,
and them ez yoo capcher must be treeted ez
bellyjiggerants and prizners uv war. To hang
prizners uv war, Androo, is murder.
“This would probably satisfy the South. At
the North less is reqwired. The Dimokrasy is
easily consiliatid. Give our leeders enuff of the
offisis 2 support em, with the privilidge uv managin
things 2 soot us, and the trubble is ore. On
them terms we 'll support yoor Administrashen,
or enny uther man's, corjelly and hartily, and
peese will agin wave her white pinyuns over the
land, and will continyoo 2 wave em ontil the
Suthern hart is agin fired.
“I hev dun—Noo Gersey hez spoke.”
I rather spect my words will bare froot. Look
out for a change uv polisy.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
