77. LXXVII.
CONSULTS THE SPIRITS.
Saint's Rest, (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Gersey,) }
December the 6th, 1864.
I can't say I bleeve in speritoolism. I 've
tride it sevral times, but the result wuz never
satisfactory. I never cood determine in my own
mind ez to whether the sperits uv them ez purported
to be strangers, wuz ginooine, not knowin
ther stile, whereupon I wood call up the sperit uv
a deceest acquaintance. The conversashen wood
then run ez follows:
Me.—“Is the sperit uv Jotham Smith present?”
Sperit.—“It air. Who calls?”
Me.—“Nasby, Petroleum V.”
Sperit.—[Vehemently]—“Pay to my widder,
yoo old theef, the 13 dolers and a harf yoo borrid
uv me six yeers ago.”
Now, that coodent hev bin the spirit uv Jotham
Smith, becoz the sed Jotham, when in life, labord
manfully for three yeers to git that munny, and
hed signally faled, and for yeers hed quit tryin.
It coodent hev bin Jotham, for he knode me too
well. Ef it wuz his sperit, it proves concloosively
to me that the sperit is etherial, and when releest
from the body, wich restranes it, it becums
flighty.
A frend uv mine, here, is a speritooalist, and
he invited me wun nite 2 a serkle. I went, hopin
to find out what wuz the destiny uv the Dimekratik
party. I boldly called for the sperit uv
Androo Jaxon. It cum.
“Androo,” sez I, “father uv Dimokrasy, I, wun
uv yer perlittikkle children”—
“Hold!” interuptid he. “Did yoo vote for Vallandigum?”
“I supportid that persekootid saint.”
“And Micklellan?”
“Onquestionably I votid for that grate general
and statesman.”
“And after that yoo hev the impedence to call
yerselves children uv mine! Yoor in error, my
gentle frend, on the daddy question, or yoo lie
wilfully. Yoor Dimekratik party hez n't my polittikle
eyes, noze, mouth, or eckspreshun. Yoor
the son uv that hory old traitor, Calhoon, and a
mizable, deformd, misshapen ape it is. Yoo strangled
the Dimokrasy I left yoo, and hev put Calhoon's
into its cloze.”
“Androo,” sez I, “how do yoo git along with
the latter-day Dimokrasy, who deceese, universly
regretted, et settry.”
“Git along with em! They do n't none uv em
cum here. Ther 's another and a hotterer plais
for sich.”
I then called for the sperit uv Floyd, Bookannon's
Secretary, and late Genral in Confedrit servis.
He kum to wunst.
“J. B.” sez I, “wat is the fucher uv the Dimokratik
party?”
“Fucher!” replide he, smilin a sperit smile;
“why, man, it 's in its fucher now. It 's deceest,
and ought 2 hev a tomb-stun put up 2 commemorait
its virchoos, immejitly, and regardlis uv expense.
I say regardlis uv expense, becoz, the
meaner a man is, the more tomb-stun he needs.
Marble is the best material 2 tell lies on, now in
yoose. 2 resoom. Dimokrasy wuz seezd with a
mortle illnis in '60, wen Linkin wuz electid. The
blood is the life. Offis is the blood uv Dimokrasy,
and wen that wuz withdrawn, Dimokrasy wuz a
depletid cuss. It struggled agin hope until last
fall, when it kicked its last kick, and a mity week
kick it wuz. Dostest thow think ef I cood hev
bin Secretary uv War, perpetooally, with the unlimmytid
fasilities for steelin we engoyed under
Bookannon, that I wood hev rebelled? Not enny.
The North druv us 2 it, by takin evry one of the
offisis.”
He woodent communikate no more, and the
serkle closed. I am inclind to bleeve them sperits
wuz ginooine. They told a grate deel uv trooth—
trooths that we can't git over. We shel see.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
