43. XLIII.
OPPOSES THE NOMINATION OF A MILITARY MAN.
Church uv the Slawterd Innocents, }
(Lait St. Vallandigum,) January the 21st, 1864.
I notis in the Dimekratik papers a desire 2
maik General Micklellan or General Grant our
nominee for the Presidency. Sooisidel ijee! I
pertest!
Time hezn't tetched my floin lox with frost,
and furrode my massive brow for nuthin. Peepil
hev sumtimes douted my honisty, but my talence,
never. I do n't alluz pay, but I never faild in
borrerin — wich is useful. Therefoar, I throw
myself into the breech, and demand a heerin.
I am inflexibly opposed to Micklellan's nominashen.
I hev faith in the soundnis uv his Dimokrasy,
but nun watever in his ability. Look at
it. He wuz placed in a posishen to make the
Dimokrasy, but instid he (by weeknis) well-nigh
rooind it. He hed under his controle 180,000
Abolishnists. A man uv genius wood hev destroyed
em all, wareas he only sunk abowt the
haff, levin the rest to live and vote agin us. A
nominee uv the Dimokrasy must be a man able to
controle uther men. Is he sich? Not enny. Did
he not let that born devil, Hooker, and Kerny
and Mansfeeld, (who wuz killd, halleloogy!) brake
away and fite our Suthrin brethren at Anteetum
and elsewhair, killin jest ez menny Suthern Dimekrats
ez wuz killd uv the Ablishnists? Troo, he
stopt it ez soon ez he cood. Troo, him and Fitsjon
Porter lade out Pope, and kep him from
beetin our Suthern frends Troo, he did Linkin
ez much hurt, and Davis ez much good, ez wuz in
him; but the work he mite hev dun wuz only haff
dun. His ijee wuz not our ijee. His stratejy
wuz to shashay backerds and forerds, until both
sides wuz eggsaustid, and then patch up a compermise.
We wantid Linkin histid 2 wunst; and
hed ther been a proper understandin atwixt him
and Lee, Gefferson Davis mite hev bin in the
Wite House, and we, the pure Dimokrasy, mite
not only hev hed the post-orifises, but hev bin a
revelin on the confisticatid estaits uv Abolishnists,
wich wood hev bin constooshnel. I hed my
egle eye fixt on a sheep-farm uv 360 akers; but,
alas! I got it not. Then the iron enterd my
sole! Then I cust the imbesility uv the man
who swindled me out uv the farm I longed for.
I 'll nun uv him. Avant!
Ez fer Grant, my sole rekoils with horror at the
bair ijee. Wat! nominait a man whose willin
sord drips with the gory life-blud uv unwillin
Dimekratik saints! Never! Forbid it, hevin!
Marry the jentle virgin Peese to a soljer drenchd
in goar! I, Nasby, forbid the bans!
The trooth is, we air gittin wild. A man can't
look 2 ways without doin wiolence to his orgins
uv viszhen. Ef persistid in, he 'd bekum crosseyd.
We commenst with our facis southward.
Ther our hope lies. Let us keep our eyes that
way. Ef we nominait a war man, and turn a
back spring onto a war platform, wat better air
we than the Gentiles? Sech jimnastics are purty
to see, but they rench the jimnastist.
No! let us go on ez we begun. Ez peece men,
our case is not hopeless. The new and unconstooshnel
tax onto whisky keeps the orthodox
Dimokrasy strate, (tho at our expense,) and a
lucky Confedrit wictry in the spring wood turn
the week-need war men in2 peese howlers. Good
hevins! air we insane? Shel we throw away sech
wepins ez taxis, conskripshen, nigger, free speech,
et settry, and bow the knee to Linkin? Never!
Wat we want is these:
1. A peese man for a candydait.
2. Moar marters. Ef the outrajd Vallandigum,
and Jessee Brite, and George E. Pooh wood, for
the good uv the party, consent to be driven to
desprashen by the tyranny uv the Administrashen,
and commit sooiside, it wood be a trump
card for us. Wat movin appeals we cood make
over ther ded bodiz. I 'll rite to em on the
subgik.
3. The formashen uv Ade Sosietis to defray the
expensis uv the campane, wich will be enormus,
owin to the tax on whisky.
4. Confedrit victrys, and lots uv em, wich not
only kills off Ablishn voters, but dishartens the
war men North.
5. The libral preechin uv a pure gospil, untaintid
with Ablishnism.
With these we kin win ez ezy ez I usd 2 turn
jack frum the bottom, wen I wuz in a stait uv
unrejenerashen.
A peese Dimekrat for President! O, happy
thot! The forrin mishns! The custom howsis!
The post-orfises! In short, the trezry! Let us
be wise, and these is ourn.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Paster uv sed Church, in charge.
