8. VIII.
MAKES A CANDIDATE “UV HISSELF.”
To the Dimokrasy uv the County:—I anounse
myself ez a kandidate for ary 1 uv the
offices to be fild this ortum, subgik, uv coarse, to
the decishun uv the Convenshun.
In makin this anounsement, I feel it due my
Dimekratik brethrin that I stait the resens for
takin this step. They run ez follows:
1st. I want an offis.
2d. I need a offis.
3d. A offis wood suit me; ther4,
4th. I shood like to hev a offis.
I maik no boasts uv what my speshel clames
air, but I hev dun the party sum servis. My fust
vote I cast for that he old Dimekrat, Androo
Jaxn. For him I voted twict, and I hev also voted
for every Dimekratik candidate sence. I hev
fought and bled for the coz, hev voted ez offen ez
3 times at 1 elekshin, and hev alluz wore mournin
around my ize for 3 weeks after eech eleckshin.
I hev alluz rallid 2 the poles erly in the mornin,
and hev spent the entire day a bringin in the ajid
and infirm, and in the patryotik biznis uv knockin
down the opposition voters. No man hez drunk
more whisky than I hev for the party—none hez
dun it moar willingly. Twict, in goin thro campanes,
hev I brot myself 2 the very verge uv delirium
tremins, a drinkin the terrific elekshun
whisky pervided by our candidates, but the coz
demandid the sacrifis, and I made it ez cherefully
ez tho my stumic hed been copper-lined, wich, unfortunitly,
it is not. Ez for my servises in this
line, let my nose, wich hez trooly blossumd like
the lobster, speek for itself.
“Rum hez its triumphs ez the water hath,
And this is wun uv them.”
[Cotashun from a pome.]
My politikle prinsipples are sound. I am opposd
2 a nashnel bank, and am unmitigatedly in
favor uv free trade. I approved uv the last war
with Grate Britten, and hev sence seen no reason
2 change my views on that subgik. On the war
queshun my vews are ez follose: Bein a naytiv uv
this Republic, and hevin livd under the Stars and
Strypes, I am in favor uv manetanin the Guverment,
and puttin down the rebelyun, and will ade
the Guverment in doin it, in all constitooshnal
ways. But, after a keerful readin uv my papers, I
kin find no constitooshnal warrant for half what is
bein dun. I am in favor uv a war for the Union
ez it uzd to was, and the Constitooshn ez I 'd like
to hev it; but a war uv subgugashen—never!
Hents, I am opposed to all this military biznis.
Ef a cittyzen uv Virginny shoots a cittyzen uv
Ohio, let him be arrested, taken before the nearest
Gustis uv the Peese, and bound over to court.
That 's the only way 2 do it. I regard confistikashen
as unconstitooshnel, and ez for emansipashen,
words cant express my disgust at the bare ijee.
Wat! is armis 2 march 4th, under the good old
flag, for the purpus uv destroyin an institooshn
guaranteed by the Constitooshn, and wich hez enabled
the grate Dimekratik party to controle the
destinies uv this republic for morn thirty yeres?
Ferbid it, hevin! The follerin resolushens, wich
I drawd up, show percisely wat I bleeve:
Resolved, That we are now, eggsackly as we
alluz hev bin, the devoted friends uv the Union
ez it used to be wen us uns, and our breethrin uv
the Sowth, run the masheen, and we 'd be thundrin
glad 2 see it restord agin.
Resolved, That evry dictate uv patertism reqwires
that, in the tuff fight we hev afore us, the
good old Dimokrasy shood present a unbroken
front; and therefore, ez differenses may arize
amongst us, the General Committee shel, frum
time to time, inform the county committis wat
the peple is expectid 2 beleve, that we may talk
alike in all parts uv the country.
Resolved, That the Abolishn party, by ther denunsiashun
uv President Davis, hev shown that
they hev no regard for our feelins or hizn, and hev
exhibited a bitterness toward our misgided Suthrin
brethrin, that demonstraits their onfitness to
hold eny plais wer they kin hev an opportunity to
ingure them.
Resolved, That the stait uv Massychusits is
ornery and cussed. That the annymossity exibited
by her men, in the lait fites afore Richmond,
towards our misgided Suthrin brethrin,
is wat mite be expektid frum a stait that hez
no Dimekrats, and wher evry boddy redes and
rites.
Resolved, That, while rebels shood be punnisht,
we are opposed to confisticashun er emansipashun
in eny shaip; becoz:
1stly. Taint constooshnal.
2dly. They'd be made more despriter, and moar
uv em wood be killd, wich wood lessen Dimekratik
magoritis in them staits.
3dst. It wood hev a tendency 2 make em madder
nor they air.
On the absorbin question uv nigger I am sound.
I am opposed to amalgamashun, and am in favor
uv prohibittin any wench frum marryin any wun
hevin a vizable admixter uv white blud. I am ferninst
allowin niggers to kum into the North, and
am in favor uv expellin the thirty-2 milyuns now
hear. To force em away, I wood maik it a pennytenshiary
offence 2 be shavd by a nigger, and wood
regulate the price uv barberin by law, that white
men mite be indoost to go into the biznis. Ez for
other pints uv nashenel and stait policy, my paper
dident cum last nite, and consequently I am somewhat
at a loss.
In county matters I shel follow closely the footsteps
uv my predecessers. I shel be keerful uv
the funds, and shel apply jest ez much ez possible
to the grate work uv bildin up the Dimekratik
party; alluz, uv coarse, reservin enuff to buy me a
modrit farm at the close uv my term. Wun
thing I pledj myself 2 do ef I am elektid. The
persekooshun uv that eminent finanseer, our defaultin
Trezerer, shel be stopt. Sech a trifle ez
$2,800 is not enuff to disturb the peese uv the
county. We shood compermise with him—let
him keep the munny, and let the people keep—
still. Then things will go smooth.
I aint pertickeler ez to wat offis I hev. I am
willin to serve ez Trezerer, Sheriff, Commishener,
er Coryner—tho I cood do the party more good ez
Trezerer than in any other posishen. Munny
cozes the femail hoss to percede.
In konklushen, fellow Dimekrats, I hev 2 say,
ef nominated, all rite; ef not, I shel abide by the
result ez cherefully ez my temper will allow.
Respectively,
Petroleum V. Nasby.
