University of Virginia Library

115. CXV.
AFTER THE OCTOBER ELECTIONS, 1865.

Ohio, Ablishn!

Pennsylvany, Ablishn!

Noo Gersey, not eggsackly Ablishn, but approachin
thereunto.

Sich is the encouragin news I read in the newspapers
this mornin! Sich is the result uv labors
Hercoolian, in the above-named Staits. What do
the people mean?

The pure Dimokrasy, probably, will carry Noo

York; but of what consolation is that to me? The
two parties, the old, anshent Dimokrasy and the
Ablishn, run a race into the realms uv Radikalism,
and the Dimokrasy beat them over a length.
With a platform standin by Johnson, endorsin his
anti-slavery noshens, his Suthern oppression noshens,
his hangin uv Mrs. Surratt, et settry, and
on that platform a soljer who never votid a Dimekratik
ticket in his life, who went into the war
a Radikle Ablishnist, and who kum out a Radikle
Ablishnist, I don't know that I hev much to
choose atween em.

Last week I wuz invited into a county in Noo
York, to address a Dimekratik meetin. I accepted,
(ez my expensis were paid, wich is cheeper
and better boardin than I get at the groseries to
hum,) and akkordinly I went. I commenst deliverin
the speech I hed yoosed all over Noo Gersey.
I commenst aboosin the nigger, when the
cheerman interruptid me.

“Well,” sez I, “wat is it?” rather angrily, for
I git warmed up and a sweatin, and don't like to
be interruptid.

“Why,” sed he, “our constooshn allows a nigger
who hez $250 to vote, and most uv em hev
that sum, and we make it a pint to sekoor em.”

“They 're a d—d site better off than most uv

us white Dimekrats in Noo Gersey,” retortid I,
a droppin the nigger and goin on agin President
Johnson.

“Stop,” whispered the cheerman; “our platform
endorses President Johnson.”

“Thunder!” remarked I, droppin President
Johnson, and slidin easily into a wiggerus denunsiation
uv the war.

“Good God!” sez the cheerman, “stop! Our
platform endorses the war.”

I sed nuthin this time, but commenst denouncin
the debt.

“Hold!” sed the cheerman; “easy—easy—our
platform backs up the debt.”

“Well, then,” sed I, in a rage, “why in blazes
did n't yoo send me a copy uv yoor platform when
yoo wantid me to address yoo? Go to thunder
and make yoor own speeches;” and I stawked off
the platform.

Time wuz when wun speech wood do a man all
over the North. Now yoo hev to hev a diffrent
wun for every Stait, wich makes it impossible for
me to travel, for wun effort per season is enuff
for me.

But, ez I wuz a sayin, we are beat agin, and
beat badly—beat on issues uv our own makin—
beat with taxes, bonds, war debt, and nigger

equality all in our favor. Do n't say to me that
we redoost their majorities. What diffrence does
it make to a defeatid candidate, whether the majority
agin him is one thousand or one hundred?
A needle will kill a man ez effectooally ez a broad-sword,
ef it 's stuck in the right place. So a majority
uv wun is enuff. I hev known men to
hold orfises four years, and hev good appetites, on
a majority uv one. It 's the orfises we wuz a goin
for—it 's them our patriots wanted, and it 's no
consolation to them to say they mist by a small
majority! It 's holler mockery—the same ez tho
you 'd show a starvin man a loaf uv bread jest
inside uv iron bars—his fingers are not a inch
from it, but, so far ez his cravin stumick is concerned,
it mite ez well be across the boundless
ocean.

We may recover from this backset, but I hev
my fears. The people is ez stoopid ez ever, and
our leaders is ez akoot ez ever; but, alas! the fact
that we hev failed in every thing we hev undertook,
for four years, is gettin thro the hair uv
thousands, and they look askant at us.

Be it ez it may, it makes but little diffrence to
me. A few years, and I shel go hentz. Ef the
Bible is troo, I shel go where I will find a heavy
Dimekratik majority, shoor; ef it is not, and there

is no hereafter, why, then, at last, I shel be on a
level with the best.
I 'll keep on the even tenor uv my way, takin my
nips ez often ez I kin find a confidin sole who hez
more money than diskreshun.