89. LXXXIX.
HAS A VISION.
Saint's Rest, (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Gersey,) }
May the 31st, 1865.
Dreems wuz common in the old skriptooral
times, and wuz considerd ez profetikle. I hed a
dreem larst nite, wich may or not mene suthin.
Ef it may, Lord help the undersined, is my
prayer, continooally.
I dreemd I wuz ded—that, assistid by a tyfus
fever and 2 dokters, I hed bustid the bonds uv
mortality, and hed sored 2 the unknone hereafter.
Up I went to the gates uv the tother world, wher
I wuz confrontid by Peter.
“Wher yoo frum?” sez he.
“Noo Gersey,” sez I.
“Wuz yoo a good cittyzen?” sez he.
“I wuz a Dimekrat who never skratcht a tikkit,”
sez I.
“Hev yoo votid that tikkit for the larst 4 yeers,
and kin yoo rede?” sez he.
“I hev and kin,” sez I.
“Then yoor place is below,” sez he. “Git.”
Wich I did.
I met his Majesty, Satan the I,at his door, and
he welcomd me corjelly. I wuz disappintid in
his persnel appeerance. He wuz a middle-ajed
man, gentlemanly in style, resemblin Geff'son
Davis very much, only hevin a more intellectooal
cast uv countenanse.
“Welkum,” sez he. “I hev bin spectin yoo
sum time. Welkum, welkum!”
“Hev yoo menny uv the Dimokrasy with yoo,”
sez I.
“Not menny uv the ginooine Koperheds,” sez he.
“Uv coarse, yoo hev n't,” sez I; “we everage
ez good ez”—
“That 's not it,” sez he, gazin onto me with a
expreshun uv intense fondnis, “that 's not jist it.
All but about 10 or 11 frum eech county git out
by pleedin ignorence, and idiocy, and sich. But
it 's all rite. I make it up by hevin a hevier force
2 spare 2 stir up the few leeders. Yoo kin rede
print, can't yoo?” he askt ankshusly.
“I kin,” sez I.
“All rite,” sez he. “Gefferson Davis will be
along in a few months, tho ef he don't show more
man than he did when he wuz caught, he 'll make
poor amoosement.”
“He 's a disgrace 2 his secks—he ort 2 hev bin
a woman,” sez I.
“Troo,” retorts he; “but, ez Shakespeer sez,
`there's a divinity that shapes our ends.' Then
Alec Stephens!”
“Will yoo git him? He wuz originelly opposd
2 seceshn.”
“That 's my best holt. Davis wuz alluz a secesh;
Bengamin wuz, becoz he thawt it wood
pay—on them I 've hed a morgige ever sense
they arrived at the yeers uv akountability. Stephens
knode seceshn wuz wrong—he can't pleed
ignorance nor nuthin, for he warnd his peeple agin
it, and then wuz bot up in2 doin it hisself for the
poor privilig uv playin 2d fiddle to Geff Davis,
who drawd a mizable bow hisself. I 've ded wood
on him.”
“Tell me, gentle sir,” sez I, “how about Fernandywood,
Vallandigum, et al., ez the lawyers
say.”
“In doo time they 're mine,” sez he. “They
can't save themselves by repentanse, even. They
are now past forty, and if they 'd commense in
ded ernest, tryin to do ez much good ez they hev
bad, and lived till they wuz ez old ez Methoozeler,
they could n't make a commencement toward balancin
the books. By the way, speekin uv Methooseler,
I hed to wate pashently for customers
in them days, when men lived 900 yeers.”
“There 's Corry, Colorado Jewet, and Alec
Long,” continnerd he, “I 've hed my eye on.
Jewit and Corry I 'll lose—there 's a place outside
uv my goorisdicshen for sich. They ain't
responsible, yoo see. The devils that wuz cast
out uv the man and took refuge in the swine, left
the swine when they wuz drowndid, and hev inhabitid
menny men sence. Two uv em air in
Corry and wun in Jewet, to-day. Alec Long hez,
evry now and then, a glimrin uv sense; he shows,
occashenally, surface indicashens uv intellek, not
quite enuff to make a lunatic uv him, and too
much for a ideot. I may git him, and may not.
But yoo will hev plenty uv compny. The stand
yoor party took, druv thousands uv men in2 cussednis,
who knode better, and who, ef let alone,
wood hev dodged me. I hev an eye on sum who
denounst Vallandigum, and yet, when the screws
wuz brot down on2 em—and, by the way, jist sich
ez yoo turnd them sed screws, (and he pokt me
jockelerly in the ribs)—actilly presided at Vallandigum
meetins, and votid for him. Then, after
he wuz defeetid, they swore they did n't vote for
him at all, addin a dirty lie to the original sin,
wich is givin the devil, (ez yoo stile me,) his due,
with compound interest.
“But excoose me—I 'll show yoo 2 yoor apartmence.
This way, my deer sir.”
I obgectid to goin, and looked anxshusly around
for a escape. Observin this, a change cum o'er
the polite gentleman afore me. His eyes glistend,
a sulfrus streem ishood frum his mouth, his feet
partid in2 hoofs, his fingers elengatid in2 claws.
I observed a tale peepin down under his cote; in
short, he was transformd in2 the identicle devil
I hed seen on sevral occashens, when labrin under
attax uv delirium tremens, sooperindoost by
drinkin a barl or so too much elecshun whisky,
doorin hotly-contestid campanes. He reecht one
claw for me, when I awoke. 2 say I wuz rejoist
at findin myself still on prayin ground, is week—
't wuz goy onspeekable. I can't interprit the
dreem.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
