1. I.
HOW HE CAME TO BE A DEMOCRAT.
I wuz born a Whig. My parents wuz a member
uv that party, leastways my mother wuz, and
she alluz did the votin, allowin my father, uv
course, to go thro the manual labor uv castin the
ballot, in deference to the laws uv the country,
which does not permit females or niggers to vote,
no matter how much intelleck they may hev
in2 em.
In all probability I shood hev cast my lot with
that party, hed not a insident occurred, in my boyhood
days, wich satisfied me that the Dimocrisy
wuz my approprit and nateral abidin-place. It
wuz in this wise:
In a playful mood, wun nite, I bustid open a
grosery, and appropriatid, ez a jest, what loose
change ther wuz in the drawer, (alars! in these
degenerit days uv paper currency, the enterprisin
theef hez to steel at 40 per sent discount,) and
sich other notions ez struck my boyish fancy. I
indoost a nigger boy, sumwhat younger than myself,
to aid me, and when we hed bagged the
game, I, feelin in my pride ez wun hevin the
proud Anglo-Sacksun blood a coursin toomulchusly
thro his vanes, what Cheef-Justis Taney hez sence
made law, to-wit: that the nigger hez no rites
which the white man is bound to respeck, whaled
him till he resined the entire proseeds uv the
spekulashen to me. The degraded wretch, devoid
uv every prinsiple uv honor, blowed on me, and
we wuz both arrestid.
The Justis uv the Pease wuz a Whig! and after
a hurried eggsaminashen, he sentenst ME! wun uv
his own race! uv his own blood! uv his own parentige!
to impriznment for THIRTY DAYS! on bred
and water, and the nigger to only ten, on the
ground that I wuz the cheef offender!
My mother beggd and prayd, with teers a
stremin down her venrable cheeks faster than she
cood wipe em up with her gingum apern, that the
arrangement mite be reverst—the nigger the 30
and I the 10—but no! Cold ez a stun, inflexible
ez iron, bludlis ez a turnip, I wuz inkarseratid,
and stayed my time.
Sullenly I emerged from them walls, on the
evenin uv the 30th day, a changed indivijoel.
Liftin my hands 2 heven, I vowd 3 vows, to-wit:
1. That I wood devote my life to the work uv
redoosin the Afrikin 2 his normal speer.
2. That I wood adopt a perfeshn in2 wich I
cood steel without bein hauled up fer it.
3. That the water I hed consoomed while in
doorance vile, wuz the last that wood ever find its
way, undilootid, in2 my stumick.
Hentz, I jined the Dimocrisy, and whoever
eggsamines my record, will find that
I hev kep my oaths!
