University of Virginia Library

INTRODUCTION.

Genuine Original Letter of Major Downing, about
this Genuine Book.

I JEST got a letter from Zekel Bigelow,
tellin me that a good many folks want to git
all the letters I writ to you printed in a book,
for there's a good many kounterfits goin about,
and this is the ony way to put a cross on 'em.
I had a kinder notion the kounterfiters would
git to work, and that's the reason why I always
stuck to your paper—for I was afeard, as
I said once afore in one of my letters to you,
that I should git stump'd sometimes myself
with some of them kounterfits, jest as my old
friend Captain Jumper, of the Two Pollies,
and President of the Downingville Bank, was
a spell ago, when they brought him a bill on

his Bank to examin. It was so slick a kounterfit
the Captain couldn't tell himself: but he
is one of them kind of folks that never says
nothin to commit himself; so says he, `Now
it looks like a kounterfit, and now agin it
don't; and so upon the hull I should say it's
about midlin.'

Zekel says that Mr. Harper & Brothers in
New-York are master hands at printin books,
and they can turn'em out there nigh upon as
fast as Peleg Bissel can wooden clocks.

There ain't no use in printin all the letters
I writ to you afore I started with the Gineral
on the Grand Tower; for I writ to so many
folks afore that time, that I can't tell the giniwine
from the kounterfits. But you best begin
where I tell'd you I warn't drownded, and
then keep on, and let Zekel look over with
you and correct the spellin, for he is a master
hand at that—and he is a real Jackson man,
too; and I don't want nothin printed in that
book unless Zekel and you look well into it,
and see there is no mistake.

I ony wish I had gone to school a leetle
more when I was a boy—if I had, my letters
now would make folks crawl all over: but if
I had been to school all my lifetime, I know I

never could be able to write more honestly than
I have. I am sometimes puzzled most plaguily
to git words to tell jest exactly what I think,
and what I know; and when I git'em, I don't
know exactly how to spell'em—but so long as
I git the sound, I'll let other folks git the sense
on't—pretty much as our old friend down to
Salem, who bilt a big ship to go to China—he
call'd her the `Asha.' Now there is sich a
thing as folks knowin too much: all the learned
ones was puzzled to know who `Asha' was;
and they never would know to this day what it
ment, if the owner of the ship hadn't tell'd'em
that China was in Asha.' `Oh! ah!' says the
larned folks, `we see now—but that ain't the
way to spell it.' `What,' says he, `if A-s-h-a
don't spell Asha, what on earth does it spell?'
And that stump'd'em.

Now that's pretty much all I've got to say
about my spellin—if folks ain't too larned when
they read my letters, they'll git along pretty
well; but if they keep thinkin of Latin and
grammar all the while, they'll be stump'd pretty
often. When they read my letters, I want
them, if they don't know me, jest to keep an
eye on my likeness in the book, and all the
while to keep thinkin that I am a good-natur'd

honest critter as ever marched at the head of
a brigade of militia.

As soon as the book is printed, I want you
to send a copy on't to the Gineral: he keeps
all my letters in the newspapers, but he would
like amazingly to have 'em in a book.

I and the Gineral have been lookin over
the laws about frankin, and we come to the
notion that as all my letters are on public business,
any of our Congressmen can frank'em
as public documents. So if you can git a
good lot on'em here afore Congress goes hum,
they will frank'em all over the country.

If in any of my letters to you I handle any
folks without mittins who don't deserve it, it
is because I find'em in bad company.

Zekel Bigelow wants me to write a Preface
to the book, and to say somethin about my life;
but it's no use: folks know more about me
already than I ever tell'd'em, and some know
a leetle more than I do myself. The Gineral
says, and I say so too, that it don't amount
to nothin to tell when and where a man was
born, so much as to know how he lives, and
how, and when, and where he is goin to die—
that's a plaguy deal more important. I am as
true an American, evry inch on me, as ever

went barefoot till I could earn mony enuff, by
my own labour, beyend payin for schoolin, to
buy me a pair of shoes: and there ain't a critter
in the country I would willingly singe if I
didn't think he desarv'd it; and when I find
sich kind of folks in office, I want to sarve'em
as Captain Jumper sarves rats in the Two
Pollies—smoke 'em out. As long as I live
I mean to do all the good I can; and if
folks will only keep an eye to what I tell'em,
things will go strait enuff to rights: but that
won't be till the people agree to vote for no
man to any office unless he has got a good
character, and is capable to do all the duties
honestly and well, and according to law—but
if the people put scamps in office, jest because
they are party-men, things will go on worse
and worse, and there won't be no laws but jest
such laws as will keep these very scamps in
their offices; and so, instead of havin laws to
protect us agin scamps, we'll have scamps to
make laws for us; and that's jest turnin
things the rong eend first. We have got good
laws now—and all that is wantin to keep'em
so, is for the people to see that none but the
good, and the wise, and the honest git into
office to execute the laws: and if by any accident
a sly chap slips in, we must keep a sharp
eye on him, and as soon as he goes crooked,
smoke him out.

Now this is pretty much all I've got to say
about the book; and as to the Preface to it,
don't forgit my face, and the Gineral's face;
and let the likenesses be good and natural.

It may perhaps be expected that we shall give
some account of our intercourse with our friend
Major Downing, previously to the date of the first letter
in the following series; but not foreseeing what
was likely to grow out of it, we were not careful to
preserve any of his Communications, before the
commencement of what he emphatically calls “The
Grand Tower.”

The Major did not, on his arrival here with “the
Gineral,” call on us as he had promised; and, as
we naturally supposed he was mixed up with
great folks, above our calibre, we did not call on
him. We candidly confess, that not esteeming, as
perhaps we ought to have done, the company he was
in, we were a little inclined to avoid unnecessary
familiarity with him.

After the “Grand Tower” left us, and had preceeded

Eastward, a “Coroner's Inquest” was handed
us for publication; and it was with an odd mixture
of regret and pleasure we saw that a body had been
picked up in the Bay, which, from the description,
was supposed to be that of the Major—“ drowned at
the bridge at Castle Garden;” and it was published
by us.

This article no sooner met the Major's eye, than
he sent us the letter which commences this volume,
and which we published immediately after its receipt.
It gave such evidence of there being something
in “the critter,” that the whole town came to
us for a printed copy of it, and the papers throughout
the country gave it an insertion. The Major
saw, no doubt, that he had at last hit the nail on the
head; and he continued writing to us, and we as
often published his letters. His fame soon rose to
an elevated station: and from his letters exclusively
to this paper, he owes his exalted reputation; as
his Letter No. XVII. in this volume fully acknowledges.

In offering this volume to the public, we are perfectly
aware that much of its contents has already
been read by the community at large, in the public
papers. That these letters have experienced a degree
of popularity, of which no other fugitive production
of our country can boast, is well known to
every person who has had an opportunity to see the
newspapers in various parts of the Union. That they
discover genius and talents of an original and distinguished
character, will be admitted by every competent
judge. The plan of them is new, the satire

keen but good-natured, and the humour irresistibly
ludicrous. And when it is considered that all
the articles which have appeared in the New-York
Daily Advertiser, under the signature of “J. Downing,
Major, of Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade,” and are republished in this volume, are the work of
one hand, the fact will afford conclusive evidence of
the truth of the remark just made respecting the
author's genius and talents.

ZEKEL BIGELOW'S CERTIFICATE.

This is to sartify, that I have, accordin to the direction
of my friend Major Downing, carefully examined
and corrected the spellin of all the Letters published
in this Book and written by him. I find them
to be the rale genuine Letters from him to his friend
Mr. Dwight. The originals in his own handwritin
have been all shown to me by Mr. Dwight, and
there cant be no mistake, as I know Major Downing's
handwritin as well as I do my own; and as a
proof on't, I got the Gravers to copy one of his Signatures,
which may be found at the bottom of the
Picture of the “Downingville folks,” and it is as
much like the original handwritin of Major Downing,
as old John Hancock's is of hisen to the Declaration
of Independence.

And then, too, as to the likenesses of the Downingville
folks, they are all as true as natur.

The Major is on top, and is in his cock'd hat and
regimentals, jist as he looks a training days. The
next head under his nose is old Joshua Downing;
the next below Uncle Joshua is Sargent Joel; and
facin the Sargent is my own likeness, with the likeness
of Deacon Willoby betwixt us. Right above
my own likeness is Peleg Bissel's; and in the middle

of the hull on 'em is the Deacon's darter. I thought
I best put her as nigh her father and the Major as I
could—and I know it will tickle the Major most desperately;
for he has had a sneakin notion arter her
ever since we had a raisin at Downingville of the
Deacon's fullin-mill; but the Deacon never would
give his consent on 'count of the Major's military notions;
but now that the Major has got up in the
world, the Deacon don't talk so much agin the Major,
but has ben heard to say, if he was sartin the Gineral
and the Major would hold together a spell, he
wouldn't stand agin his darter's goin and joinin the
Government. So there is no tellin yet what will
come on't. That's the talk at Downingville, but I
don't know nothin sartin about it myself; but I
thought it was right to tell all I know, on 'count of
other women folks, who may be curious to know
consarnin sich matters.

As the Major has said a good deal about me in
his Letters, there ain't much use of my sayin much
on that score. I left Downingville shortly arter the
grand tower finished there, and sold off my packin-yard
and moved to this city. I was pretty sartin,
as things was going, there was about to be a shower
of good things among some folks, and that Wall-street
was jest the place to run my net; and considerin
that it has ben pretty tuff times with a good
many, I hain't got much to complain on, seein that
I ain't oblig'd to ride home in an omnibus, or go on
foot nother, every day to dinner; but can go in my
own carraige, which comes down for me jist arter
bank hours. I considered a considerable spell afore

I made up my mind what to do when I got to New-York.
I found a good many societies here, but ony
one on 'em seem'd to meet my notions—or, rather,
I could ony find one in which I thought I could do
more good than in any other, and that was “The
Society for the Relief of distressed Merchants;” and
so I join'd that jest in the very nick of time—for I
have ben as busy ever since I join'd it as ever I was
in sortin and packin mackerel when our fishermen
got home.

I thought I would jest mention this whilst my
hand was in, to let folks know where I be, who may
want assistance from this Society. I don't like to
underrate nobody, but I can say, if any one needs
assistance in my line, if they don't say arter gettin it
of me, that they have got it a leetle the slickest,
then my name ain't