University of Virginia Library

---

CONTENTS.

CONTENTS.

• INTRODUCTION.
  Genuine Original Letter of Major Downing, about this Genuine
  Book, and a Certificate from Zekel Bigelow 1

• LETTER I.
  The Major contradicts the Report of Drowning—Castle Garden
  —The Advantage of hanging on to the Gineral—Governor
  Massy's Pantaloons—Cass's Wig—Inquisitive Yankee—Mr.
  Van Buren's Ingenuity in Weaving—His power of assimilating
  to every thing, but nothing to him—New Mode of meeting
  and returning the Greetings of Multitudes 13

• LETTER II.
  The Major at Downingville—Preparations for Reception—The
  Grand Tower arrives—The Reception—The Somerset, and
  dropping, Cat-like, feet first—The Gineral's good Judgment in
  turning Yankee down East, from Irish down South, in York
  State 18

• LETTER III.
  Dance at Downingville—Trying on Coats—The Gineral finds
  his Companions testing thereby Matters involving the Succession—Goes
  back to Washington incog.—The Major finishes
  the rest of the intended Grand Tower alone—Joins the Gineral
  again at Washington—Shaved by Safety-fund Notes—The
  Gineral in a Quandary, and appoints the Major to examine the
  Bank 29

• LETTER IV.
  Appointment of the Major to visit the Banks—the Two Pollies
  38

• LETTER V.
  Containing Major Downing's Official Report on the United
  States Bank, published “By Authority” 43

---

VI





• LETTER VI.
  The Gineral in Trouble—He gets wrathy—A “cute” Move in
  Mr. Van Buren 51

• LETTER VII.
  Major Downing manages the Official Correspondence of the
  President—A simple Government—Peleg Bissel's Churn 55

• LETTER VIII.
  The Gineral's regard for the Yankees—Office-seekers—New
  Presidential Recreations 65

• LETTER IX.
  The Major gives Notice of his Journey to Philadelphia and New-York,
  to find out where all the Money has gone 71

• LETTER X.
  The Major Visits the U. S. Bank—His Interview with Squire
  Biddle—Conversation with a Quaker—Meddling with the
  Bank dangerous—The Downingville School-house—Zekel
  Bigelow's Speech 73

• LETTER XI.
  Major Downing's Official Correspondence with “tne Goverment.”—He
  arrives in New-York—His Reception—Zekel
  Bigelow's Idea of Money-matters, and Banks, and Trade 80

• LETTER XII.
  Major Downing leaves New-York like a Streak—Zekel Bigelow
  turns Broker 86

• LETTER XIII.
  Major Downing's Call on “Squire Biddle”—The importance
  of Congress—The Major arrives at Washington—Wakes the
  President—They talk together of Raccoons and Skunks, and
  go to sleep 89

• LETTER XIV.
  Major Downing's Proclamation, in aid of the President's, against
  the Bank 95

• LETTER XV.
  Favourable News of the Brokers' Business, from Zekel—Squire
  Biddle a Jackson-man—A real Row in the Long Room—An
  Editor put in advance of the News 100

---

VII





• LETTER XVI.
  Trouble in the Cabinet—The use of Vacancies—Amos in a
  Panic—Mr. Van Buren's Nature and Prospects—A Rat among
  the Barrels 108

• LETTER XVII.
  Major Downing acknowledges all his juvenile Productions—His
  Apology for writing better now than formerly 113

• LETTER XVIII.
  Flattering Prospects of the President's Message—Indian Rights
  and Wrongs 116

• LETTER XIX.
  The President's Plan for managing the Bank and the Country—
  Hunt for lost Spectacles—How and where they were found 121

• LETTER XX.
  Account of the important Difference between common “Specs”
  and Magical Glasses; showing by plain matters of fact how
  much more difficult it is to see through the latter than it is
  the former 128

• LETTER XXI.
  Plan of the President's Message to Congress—and of a Cabinet
  Supper—Song for the important Occasion—Please not to call
  the Major Jack Downing 138

• LETTER XXII.
  Character of Mr. Clay—Art of War—A pitched and drawn Battle
  on the U. S. Bank—Amnesty and Overtures—Truce—
  Statu quo ante bellum—A Walk—A Button off—Tailor's Shop
  —The Button Scene—The Major's Success at a new Trade
  —The Bank worth a Button 143

• LETTER XXIII.
  Reason for some People's feeling easy—The Major preparing to
  “do something” for the Country—A half-kitchen Cabinet
  Council—The Major whittles, to save Time and listen—A
  still busier Man—Scylla and Charybdis—Business planned—
  The Major prepares a Cabinet Paper, and promises the Gineral
  not to send an official Copy of it to the Senate 154

• LETTER XXIV.
  Paper read to the Cabinet—The Major's View of the State of
  the Country and Money Concerns—Everybody's Concerns—
  

  ---

  VIII

  
  
  
  History of the U. S. Bank—A Conestoga Wagon—Its Driver
  and Horses—Other Wagons—Their Men and Beasts—Steamboats
  and Banks not different—Skunks and Politicians—Patriotic
  Appeal, especially addressed to Men with Wives and
  Children 165

• LETTER XXV.
  Exhibition of Messrs. Starks & Co.'s Axe at the Cabinet Chamber—Sudden
  Dissolution of the Assembly—Conscience has
  something to do with it—Gratitude of an Old Roman towards
  a New-Carthaginian 187

• LETTER XXVI.
  Defalcations in the Post-Office—The Major's Method of letting
  off his own Steam—The Magic Specs screwed to a plain
  Sight—The Gineral takes a look at Things as they really are
  —His Steam up in consequence—The Major's Notion of the
  real Object of removing the Deposites from the U. S. Bank—
  The Adjustment of Accounts by charging Deficiencies to the
  Account of “Glory and Reform” 193

• LETTER XXVII.
  The Gineral tickled by the New-York and New-Jersey Legislatures—The
  Charge of Bank Bribery hits the wrong Side—
  An Indian Fashion recommended—An Experiment at heating
  one Boiler at a time—State of the Country—The Nub of the
  Business—Heterodoxy is not my Doxy—A Game, Necromancy
  or Financy; or Van Buren's Cups and Balls—Trans
  fer Checks, Contingent Drafts, and Hocus-Pocus—The Gineral
  at bay—The Pack driven off by the Major's Whip—Scene
  closes with the Safety-Valve open 205

• LETTER XXVIII.
  More Nickremancy—The Gineral gets his Hand in—Difference
  between a Tammany-man and other men—Hints at the Origin
  and Object of Safety-fund Banks—Character of moneyed
  Aristocracies—Difference between I and other Folks—A P.S.
  acknowledging the reception of another Present 223

• LETTER XXIX.
  Presentation of Committees—The General shows his Skill in
  Reception—A Mistake—The Mechanics not Tammany men
  —The real Simon Pures Coming—Dennis Mc Loony—Further
  Particulars promised in the next Letter 235

---

IX





• LETTER XXX.
  Some of the real “Simon Pures” at the White House—Awk
  wardness of Mr. McLooney, a new Member of the Kitchen
  Cabinet—The General is thereby pothered, and falls into
  sundry Mistakes—Prosperous times at home—A Family
  Dinner—Some good Jobs in prospect—A small “Business
  Transaction” with the Treasury—A general “Hurraw” for
  “Glory,” &c. 247

• LETTER XXXI.
  A Discussion on Assassination Letters—Reflections thereon—
  The Major exposed to Assassination as well as the General—
  This Diabolical Plot not confined to one Party alone—Dutch
  Dunder and Blixem—The General alarmed at the Sound only
  —A Translation requested, and Reasons for declining it—A
  Lame Trick—Concluded by a “Haw-haw” 253

---

Blank Page