University of Virginia Library

23. LETTER XXIII.

Reason for some People's feeling easy—The Major preparing
to “do something” for the Country—A half-kitchen
Cabinet Council--The Major whittles, to
save Time and listen—A still busier Man—Sylla and
Charybdis—Business planned.

My last letter to you tell'd you of that trouble
the Gineral got in about the buttons, and if it
hadn't bin for me he'd bin in a pretty scrape
with that tailor. The Gineral hain't forgot
that yet, and won't so long as he wears buttons.

You know I've bin tellin you along about
my fears of mony troubles—well it's bad enuff,
and is goin to be worse yet, or I know nothin.
And the Gineral is beginnin to think so too. All
our folks about us here don't feel it, for they have
all got fat offices—but I know the people feel
it who hain't got fat offices—and until they
speak up, things will go worse and worse.
Every letter I git now is full of trouble and

distress—and I tell'd the Gineral t'other day,
says I, `Gineral, we must look into this matter,
now I tell you.' `Why,' says he, `Major,
`the Government' ain't to blame—every man
about me says it ain't his fault.' `Well,' says
I, `some one did it, I'm certin—things went
smooth enuff,' says I, `till we got dablin and
medlin in mony matters and the Bank; and
now it's all heds and pints, and when we say
it ain't our fault,' says I, `it's pretty much like
a man puttin a long pole over a fence on a
swivel—and after pullin one eend round with
a jerk, if he nocks over a dozen folks with the
other eend, says it ain't his fault—now it's
pretty much jest so with the Bank,' says I,
`and if you can't see it, all I can say is, I can.'

`Well, Major,' says the Gineral, `somethin
must be done, anyhow, for I begin to think
that politics and mony matters don't always
work together. I'll call all our folks together,'
says the Gineral, `and we'll have a full Cabinet,
and look into this matter; and do you,
Major, prepare yourself, for I'm goin to turn
over a new leaf, that I'm determined on'—and
with that he issued orders for every man to
be at the Cabinet Chamber the next day jest
after breakfast—and I went to work puttin

down all my notions in writin, for I expected
a ruff time, and a pretty sharp set of fellers to
beat off—and thinks I, as it is the fashion
now-a-days to read papers to the Cabinet, I'll
give 'em one that will be worth readin, and I
guess it will be the last one that the Senate
will ask an official copy of in one while. It
took nigh upon all night to write it out—and
I sprung to it, for I think the time is come to
let some folks see they hain't got a green-horn
to outwit when they try me.

And so the Gineral had 'em all up in the
Cabinet Chamber yesterday; and such an
overhawlin I never see. I sat all the while
with one foot on the table, whitlin a piece of
shingle—and the Gineral was walking round
among 'em, tellin about the troubles in mony
all about the country, and askin how we are
to git out of the scrape. I kept an eye on
most all on 'em, and both ears on pretty much
the hull on 'em; and such a winzin and tangle
I never see since the day all Downingville
cum over to the Jackson side, and that was
jest arter his election. They thought I was
detarmin'd the first go off to say nothin: and
to rights I heard one chap jest behind me tell
the Gineral, `there was one Major in the Cabinet

who made pretty much all the trouble, and
that he was writin letters that went all the while
agin the rest on 'em—and if it warn't for him
they could make the people believe jest what
they wanted—that it was his fault that the Cab
inet was obliged to shift their ground about the
Bank, and cross tracks every day. If it hadn't
bin for him the deposits would have been removed
because there warn't no `Safety Fund'
in the Bank, and the people bin contented—
and if it warn't for him the Government could
now make the people believe that Biddle was
the sole cause of there bein no money now-a-days,'
and so on. I jest stop'd whitlin a minit,
and cut my eye over my left shoulder, and the
feller dodg'd behind the Gineral in a flash, and
when I look'd round the ring I found pretty
much the hull on 'em lookin at me, and there
warn't a word said. And to rights the Gineral
he walk'd up to me, and stop'd right in
front, and look'd me strait in the face: says
he, `Major, you have hearn what is said—
and I should like to know what you have to
say in reply—no man shall leave this room,'
says the Gineral, `till this trouble is cleared up
—Major,' says the Gineral (and his lips began
to quiver, I tell you), `Major,' says he, `it
would take a good many men to convince me
that you ain't what I have always found you
—an honest man, and a true patriot—some
folks about us have been whisperin in my ear
for a long while that you ain't what I think
you are—but, Major,' says the Gineral, `I am
a soldier, and so are you—and we are now all
face to face—no more whisperin,' says the
Gineral, and he fetched his Hickory a whack on
the floor, and look'd round the hull ring.—
`The country is in trouble,' says he, `and the
time is come for every honest man to speak
out—if there is error, let it be corrected—if
there is trick, we must expose it—and now,
Major,' says the Gineral, `do you set still—and
if any man has any thing to say agin you, let
him speak out. When they are all dun, you
can answer them;' and with that the Gineral
pull'd his own chair up to the other side of the
table, and laid his Hickory and hat down afore
him, and all our folks began to nock noses in
little groops here and there; and one on 'em,
no matter who, was as busy as a lost dog on a
trainin-day, smellin round from one to another
to find the right man to speak first; but none
on 'em seem'd to like it. The Gineral all the
while sat blinkin and lookin round at 'em all,
and rumplin his face once and a while most
plaguily.

So, to rights, this one on 'em came forward
and bow'd, and says he, `Gineral, that `our
sufferins is intolerable' there is little doubt;
and the question is, not how we got into our
present condition, but how we can best git out
of it. I believe,' says he (turnin with a bow
to everybody, for he is an amazin polite critter),
`that is the true and only pint now for
discussin.' `Not exactly,' says I; `but no
matter.' `Well,' says he, `as regards the
Major, far be it from me to make any charge
agin him; he is decidedly the favourite of the
people, and should be the favourite of every
man in office who wishes to keep his office;
but I would say, that I wish the Major had a
higher office. I wish he was an auditor of
accounts—or a receiver of public mony—or a
minister abroad—or an Ingin agent, or any
other office in the Government; but as he is
now, there is no gittin hold of either eend of
him; we can't elevate him, which I sincerely
desire—we can't put him down, which no man
desires. There are things in all Goverments,
and in this in particular, that require cookin
up before the people should be sarved with it;

but the Major hands the dishes over to the
people, raw and uncook'd, and lets every man
dress his own dinner: this is not right. And
then, agin, he is an enemy to party, and thinks
that politicians shouldn't meddle in mony
matters, when we all know that none of us
would now be here without party, and that
party can't hold together without office, and
that office ain't worth a fig without mony;
and so it comes to this—we've got a party,
and a good strong one; and that party must
keep all the offices and the control of all the
mony; for, without mony, the offices won't
be good for nothin—and without offices the
party will be all scattered: look at my own
state—see how things work there; and jest
so they should here. We must have the Bank;
we can't do any thing without it. This one is
good enuff if we could git Biddle and his
friends out of it—but seein we have tried that
and can't succeed, this must go down, and
then we'll have a new one after our own
fashion—unfortunately, some will suffer—because
this one must, I suppose, collect its debts
and wind up: but what is the sufferins of a
few in trade, compared to the breaking up of
a political party, now all hitched together?
Think of all of us goin back agin to practise
law—and you, Mr. Auditor, to keepin a school
—and you, Mr. Secretary, to keepin a shop—
and you to ploughin—and you to plantin corn
—and you to diggin potatoes—and you to
printin newspapers. And you, Major,' says
he, `what would become of you?' I begun
to crawl all over, and was jest goin to say
somethin, but I thought I wouldn't till he got
through; and he reeled it off for more than
an hour pretty much in the same way about
things in gineral, and Major Downing in particular.
And as soon as he stopt, I got up,
and says I, `Has anybody got nothin more to
say?' No one said a word. Says I, `Is all
that is said put in writin? for then there will
be no mistake—no turnin corners—no dodgin
arterward.' `O, no,' says he, `there is no necessity
to put any thing in writin of this nature;
that ain't my way,' says he. `I have
always said, I don't like to git into the newspapers.'
`Well,' says I, `that's jest where
we differ—what I'm goin to say now,' says I,
`is all in my pocket in black and white—and
with the Gineral's permission,' says I, `I'll
read it to the members of the Cabinet, and
then I'll git it printed, and then all on you can
read it, and every man shall have a copy on't,
except Clay and the rest of the Senate—for
though the law says they are part of the Goverment,
they ain't got no business with any
paper read to the Cabinet—ain't that law,'
says I, `Gineral?' The Gineral nodded his
head, and that was enuff; and says he, `Major,
do you read that paper; I know you well
enuff to know it will be an honest view of
things, and I don't care whose toes you tread
on. I have no interest in these matters further
than to do my duty—if any fellers have
misled me, I advise 'em to keep an eye on my
hickory.'

And then I took out my papers from my
pocket, and went at it; and I didn't mince
matters, I tell you. The Gineral sot restin his
elbows on the table, with his chin in both
hands, and lookin strait in my face the hull
time, ony once in a while he would take his
hickory and whack it on the table when any
one muttered and whispered; and as soon as
I got to the eend on't, then come a buz and a
mixin, and the Gineral got up and fetched
another whack on the table with his hickory,
enuff to loosen one's eye-teeth.

`Now,' says the Gineral, `I've hearn both

sides, and the people will shortly hear it too.
If they say the Major is right, I won't oppose
them any longer; if they say the Major is
wrong, then we'll go on as we now go: and
now,' says he, `Major, git that paper printed;
and the only favour I ask of you is, not to
send an official copy on't to the Senate, if they
ask one:' and with that I and the Gineral
bowed off the Cabinet, and the Majors, and
the rest of the Goverment; and we turned to
readin letters from all quarters, all full of
mony troubles and distress, enuff to give one
the colera morbus; for, as I said afore, one is
jest about as bad as t'other.

I'll send you, to-morrow or next day, the
paper I read to the Cabinet, and the rest of the
Goverment, for you to print. It's too long for
this letter, and you can ask Zekel Bigelow, if
he hain't stop'd payment, to pay you for the expense
of printin on't, and tell him for me if
his head is above water, it's more than can be
said of most folks—and he'd better hold on all
he's got, and ride out the storm if he can.
His last letters to me say things are shockin
bad in Wall-street, but the worst there ain't as
bad as things are away West and South; and
they will be worse yet, if the people don't decide

pretty soon, as the Gineral says, whether
I am right or wrong. For it's the people's
business now, and the Gineral is waitin for
'em.