University of Virginia Library

29. LETTER XXIX.

Presentation of Committees—The General shows his
Skill in Reception—A Mistake—The Mechanics not
Tammany men—The real Simon Pures Coming—
Dennis McLoony—Further Particulars promised in
the next Letter.

Ever since I have bin in the Goverment, I
never have had so much on my hands as I
have since I wrote you my last letter. Folks
are pourin in here from all quarters, and
bringin petitions and memorials—some on 'em
jest as much as a man can lift; and when
they come to stretch them out, they kiver all
Congress. Most all the Committees that come
on here call to see me and the Gineral, and
the work of presentin them to the Gineral has
kept me busy enuff, I tell you. The first and
biggest Committee that came here was from
the New-York Marchants and Traders. I
tell'd the Gineral, says I, `now, Gineral, is our
time to brush up all we know about trade and

mony business; for,' says I, `them New-Yorkers
evry one on 'em has got his eye-teeth
cut, and they hain't come down here at this
season threw the mud for nothin,' says I;
`and as they are comin to see us to-morrow
we better spring to it now,' says I, `Gineral,
and git evry thing cut and dried for 'em;' and I
and the Gineral went to work makin a kinder
shamfight on't. I see pretty quick it wouldn't
do, for the Gineral would fly right off the
handle, and talk about Glory, and New-Orleans,
and Reform, and about his rights, and his Goverment,
and the GREAT EXPERIMENT, and wind
up by blowing Squire Biddle all to splinters.
`Now,' says I, `Gineral, that won't do at all,'
says I; `them ain't the kind of folks to talk to
so; they hain't come here to talk about `Glory;'
they have got enuff of that,' says I, `in
New-York already; and Reform, too,' says I.
`Why,' says I, `Gineral, my friend Zekel Bigelow
tells me there is so much of that in New-York,
that folks are breakin all to bits there,
and it has crowded evry dollar out of trade.
Now,' says I, `I guess the best way for us is
to hear what these New-Yorkers have got to
say, and then bow 'em off as quick as possible;
and don't ask 'em any questions, and they
won't ask us any—for if they git us on that
tack,' says I, `we'll go bump ashore, now I tell
you;' and so the Gineral began to think that
was the best way, and if he was to say any
thing in reply, it would be the old story—and
the Gineral has tell'd that over so often, I think
he could say evry word on't in his sleep.

Well, the next mornin, sure enuff, I see 'em
comin; and I call'd the Gineral, and he took
his stand right in the middle of the room, and
I stood a leetle ahead on him, 'twixt him and
the door—and in they come, jest for all the
world as folks come to meetin; and I turn'd to
and introduced 'em to the Gineral, and we
shook hands all round. The Gineral is plaguy
cunnin in such times—he was mad enuff to
snap his hickory right in two pieces; but he
put on a plaguy good-natur'd look; and as
soon as we got threw shakin hands, one on
'em—a rale spunky-lookin critter, jest about
sich another lookin chap as Squire Biddle, and
talk'd about as glib about mony matters—he
stepp'd out and spoke for the rest on 'em, and
he went on now jest as cool as though he
hadn't lost a dollar since we begun the war.
He was as civil, too, as you ever see; he tell'd
the Gineral pretty much how things was

workin, and how they was goin to work; and
when he come to speak of the Gineral's grand
experiment, he tell'd him pretty plain it
wouldn't work right. The Gineral was jest a
goin to let him have his notions, but I pull'd
him a twich by the coat, and he stopp'd: but
as soon as he got threw and bow'd, the Gineral
begun, and tell'd him the first go off he
was mistaken: that there warn't a man in
the hull State of Tennessee know'd half so
much about banks, and banking, and trade, as
he did—and so long as he was President he'd
let folks know what was the rale meanin of
`Government.'

Biddle was a monster, and so was the
Bank. Calhoun was a rascal, and so was
Clay, and Webster, and McDuffie, and the
hull raft of the opposition, and what puzzled
him most was to find out which was the biggest
rascal, the Bank or ary one of them other
fellers, and he'd put 'em all down afore he was
done with 'em. `Hain't I saved the country,'
says the Gineral, `more than fifty times? If
it hadn't been for me,' says he, `the Ingins
would now be in Wall-street, scalpin all on
you, and the British would be all over Kentucky,
and Tennessee, and Virginny.' And

so the Gineral went on, and I couldn't stop
him till he got right into `Glory;' and so I
thought 'twas best to begin to bow the folks
off; and by the time the Gineral got threw, he
and I had it all to ourselves, and we sot down;
the Gineral he was a good deal struck up and
beat out, but he is as tuff as all natur, and can
go threw jest sich a tug evry day, ony give
him a leetle time to take wind; and so he
took off his specks, and went to rubbin 'em,
and we begun to talk about it. Says he, `Major,
I reckon I gave 'em a `skiery factious'
that time, didn't I? You see,' says the Gineral,
`I asked 'em no questions, and that kept
things snug. Do you know, Major,' says the
Gineral, `I didn't like the looks of that feller a
bit who did all the talkin for his companions:
did you understand, Major, all that he telled
about?' says the Gineral. `Pretty considerable,'
says I. And so I telled it all over to the
Gineral in my own way. `Well,' says the
Gineral, `I am glad I didn't understand him,
for now as you tell it it stumps me considerable.'
The Gineral he sat still a moment, and
begun to count on his fingers; and to rights
says he, `Major, who was that?' `Why,' says
I, `Gineral, he is the son of a man I've heard
you tell on a thousand times.' And as
soon as I spoke the name, the Gineral he
started up, and says he, `Major, 'tis unpossible—what,
the son of Rufus King!
Why,' says he, `Major, he was always one
of my best friends, and was jest the kind of
man I liked—he was as firm as granit, and
knowed more about Banks, and public matters
than any one I ever met—he was a rale patriot,
and an honest man.' `Well,' says I,
`Gineral, that you said, and I have a notion,
too, that he was in favour of the National
Bank, and jest sich a one as we got now.'
`That is true enuff,' says the Gineral, `but
that was when I thought jest so too: folks
should change their opinions, Major, when
`the Goverment' changes their'n.' `Well,'
says I, `I didn't think of that.' `I wish,' says
the Gineral, `I'd a know'd who that chap
was; I'd a made him shake his shoes for darin
to jine them rascally Marchants and Traders
agin my experiments.' `I guess,' says I,
`Gineral, that wouldn't a been an easy job,
for I kept my eye on that crittur the hull time,
and kept thinkin all the while of what I've
hearn you say about his father, and thinks I,
`that's a rale chip of the old block.' But come,'
says I, `Gineral, we've got more work to-morrow;
there's another committee from New-York
bringin another mile of names, all Mechanics,'
says I, `rale hard-fisted fellows.' `What,'
says the Gineral, `Mechanics, Major!' And
he sprung up and danced round like a boy.
`Them are the fellows, Major,' says he, `strait
from Tammany Hall,' says the Gineral, `now
you'll have another story, Major—none of
your Traders and Marchants for me—there
ain't a spark of patriotism in the hull on 'em
—but the Mechanics—give me the Mechanics;
and now, Major, turn to and get a table well
spread, and dinner on it at 12 o'clock—that's
the rale working-man's dinner hour: and let
us put on our old coats, and don't shave to-morrow
(the Gineral is plagy cunnin in sich
matters). So the next day, sure enuff, in they
come, and we turned to shakin hands. `Aha,
my friends,' says the Gineral, `these are the
hands I like to shake—no glove-work here—
you are the men to tell Congress what to do:
and,' says the Gineral, `any man in office,
from the President downard, ought to mind
what you tell 'em.' And the Gineral walk'd
round among 'em and shook hands agin, and
slap'd 'em on the shoulders; and took a quid
of tobacco from one on 'em, and gin another
a chaw out of his own box; and was as happy
as you ever see, and spry as a cricket too.

`Now, my friends,' says the Gineral, `let's
talk over public matters:' and with that one on
'em stepp'd out and spoke for the rest; and I
never in my born days heard a crittur of his
looks and trade, talk so about Banks and
money matters—and he began back more than
30 years, when he was printis, and come up
all along, and he did shave down and saw up
party measures and party folks, and dove-tail'd
matters so, that the Gineral was stump'd: the
Gineral walk'd up to him and made plagy
ugly faces at him; but the crittur went on
and talk'd right up to the Gineral—and there
warn't a lump of sugar, or a drop of ile in the
hull on't. As soon as he stopp'd, the Gineral
gin him a hard look, and says he, `Stranger,
what's your trade?' `A master carpenter,
sir,' said he.—`I was your friend, Gineral,
and every man I employ'd was also, and we
stuck to you till the measures of your administration
have driven us out of employ—and
here is a blacksmith, and here is a ropemaker.'
And so he went on pretty much
threw all trades. `It gives me pain, Gineral,
to tell you that our families—' and here he

stopp'd—he tried to speak, but he couldn't: he
turn'd and walk'd to the window, and come
back and tried it agin; and as soon as he'd come
to speak about unemploy'd workmen and
their families, he'd choke right up, and his
lips would quiver so—I was jist agoin to step
strait up and tell the Gineral what this man
wanted to say—but he got goin to rights himself,
and wound up by bringin his fist down on
the table so I had a notion it would go right
threw—and the Gineral's hat on the table
bounced up, I tell you: and says he, `there
must be a change, Gineral.' The Gineral
didn't like the looks and talk of this crittur
nigh as well as the Marchants and Traders'
man the day afore. He tried'em a spell with
`glory and reform,' but that didn't do no good,
and that got the Gineral's dander up, too, and
so says he, `Strangers, the next time you come
to talk with `the Goverment,' you must get
your representatives to come with you:' but
they tell'd the Gineral they had none, and
hadn't had any for a long while; but they
would arter next election.

The Gineral took the hint in a minit; and
says he (for he was plagy struck up by it),
`If you dare to change any of your representatives
at the next election (except one), I'll

put your city, the hull scrape on't, over on my
friend Swartwout's medows, in Jarsy. I'll let
you know that I am tryin an experiment, and
will try it, come what will—I've said I would,
and right or wrong I'll do it, if I die ten thousand
Spanish Inquisitions. And now, Strangers,
clear out and go home.' And as soon
as the Gineral put on his hat, they put on
their'n and walk'd out. But it did make me
feel plagy sad and heavy to see folks come so
fur, threw the middle of winter, and go home
empty-handed. The Gineral was in a pesky
bad temper all day, and so was I; but Mr.
Van Buren, and some of the Congressmen
from York State come in, and made clear
weather agin, by tellin us they expected ev'ry
minit another committee from New-York, of
the rale stuff, and no mistake about 'em, and
right strait from Tammany Hall, too, and
they read over the names. `There, that one,'
says Mr. Van Buren, `is an old friend of mine,
he was Mayor once, and is now a Banker;
he knows ev'ry thing, and can tell in a minit
the difference between a crooked account and
a fair business transaction. And here is another,
he sent you a big bald-headed eagle
once, Gineral, don't you remember? and by-the-by,
Major,' says he, `he is one of your
countrymen; and the rest,' says Mr. Van Buren,
`are all to be depended on—the first
people of the city, in fact the party couldn't
hang together without 'em.' `Well,' says the
Gineral, `this is somethin like; and now,' says
he, `the best way would be, when they come,
to let Congress out, and let all our folks have
a hollow-day.' Well, sure enuff they have
come, and we have had some on 'em here, but
I han't got time to tell you about it in this
letter, but will in my next. And I've got
somethin to tell you, too, about a new man,
jest come here all the way from Ireland; his
name is Dennis McLoony, he is a good-natured
crittur, and the Gineral likes him
nigh about as much as he does me. I don't
know what he is arter, and the Gineral don't
nother, but he says he can do pritty much
any thing, and he tells some plagy funny
stories for us—we hain't got no office for him
yit, but there will be some holes soon to fill
up here; and by his tell he can fit plagy nigh
eny place.