University of Virginia Library

4. LETTER IV.

Appointment of the Major to visit the Banks—the two
Pollies.

Dear Sir,—The last letter I wrote to you
was on my way from Saratogue to Washington.
I got safe to the White House about
midnight, and the only crittur awake there
was Mr. Van Buren, who I found pretty busy
writing letters about a Convention he is arter.
He was dreadful glad to see me, for he said
the President didn't want him to leave before
I cum. He wanted to be off north himself.
He said the President was also getting a little
shaky about the Bank, jist because he found,
when he got to Washington, some of our folks
had taken in change some counterfeit `Safety
Fund' bills, and also other small bills that
won't go—`why, darn it,' says I, `Mr Van
Buren, I am glad to hear that, case I've got

some real shaves myself in that way, and I
was plaguy fraid I was the only one;' and so
I out with my seal-skin wallet, and I showed
him a mess on'em. There was Green County
—Columby—Middle District—Belchertown—
Wiscasset—Monmouth—Tombugby—Franklin
— Winthrop — Greenburgh — Hallowell—
Passamaquoddy—and the plague knows what-all;
and some on'em had Mr. Van Buren's
head on one eend. `Now,' says I, `who is to
stand this racket? for I won't, caze you told
us all afore we started on this frolic not to
have nothing to do with `Biddle's Bills,'—so
I'll jist hand them over to the Treasury Department,
and let'em go with that mess of
`State Bank Paper' already there—it won't
make a mighty difference, and we need not
bother the Gineral about it.'

The next morning I saw the Gineral, and
we had a real shaking. He was dreadful
glad to see me. Says he, `Major, do you
know I'm stump'd about that'ere Bank arter
all!' (You see he is a rale business man; he
goes right at it off-hand, and when he gits one
thing in his head, he sticks to it till its out
and done with.) `We have been shav'd,
says he, `most infarnally, with some of them

'ere State Banks;' and with that, he out with
his wallet, and unrolled a mess on'em, sure
enuff. `Look here,' says he, `Major, here is
one made payable to me, and got my head on
one eend, and Mr. Van Buren's on tother (blast
their impudence), and they tell me it ain't
worth a copper; and there ain't one in all that
bundle I can get the hard dollars for without
losing a most half.'

`But,' says I, `Gineral, where is Mr. Van
Buren's safety valve?' `Safety valve,' says
the Gineral, `what's the use of a safety valve
when the boiler is bust, Major?' `Plaguy
little,' says I, `sure enuff; I didn't think of
that,' says I, `Gineral.' `That are Safety
Fund,' says the Gineral, `I'm afraid won't do,
Major, because you see it's all `hair of the
same dog,' arter all.' `Well now, Gineral,'
says I, `that's been my notion all along, becase
if all the Banks bust, the Safety Fund
will jist be of the same kind of stuff, that will
bust too, unless in the mean while they change
it off for Biddle's Bills, and that would not be
fair to some body.' `Well, Major,' says the
Gineral, `you do know about as much about
most things as most folks, and as I said before,
I'm stump'd about that Bank of U. S.,

and I want you to help me figure it out. I want
you, Major,' says he, `to look into that matter.
If the Bank is good, and sound, and safe, we'll
stick to it; if it ain't, we'll blow it sky high.'
`What,' says I, `Gineral, do you want another
report?' `Not by a darn'd sight,' says he; `I
don't understand the reports, Major; and
that isn't all, I don't believe they do who make
them—no,' says he, `Major, Mr. Van Buren
wants Amos Kendall to go and make report
about the State Banks, and their Safety Funds:
and I want you to go and look into Biddle's
Bank at the same time. I'll give you a letter
of authority; and when you come back we'll
talk the matter over together. You know,
Major, that I am not one of that'ere sort of
folks that says a thing is black to-day, because
I thought it was black yesterday. There was
a time when I thought I could hang all the
Yankees at Hartford under the 2d section,
but I don't think now it would be exactly
right; I am an honest man, Major, and ain't
afeard to change my opinion.'

Now this is the Gineral all over; and I am
off to-morrow to Philadelphia; and if I don't
give Mr. Biddle and his money-bags a stirring
up, I'm mistaken; there is no one thing I'm

so cute at, as looking through accounts. I
showed that once as clear as a whistle, when
I settled the first mackerel voyage of the
`Two Pollies,' Capt. Jumper. There were
nine owners, and three on'em found the riggin,
and the other six built the hull, and the
captain fitted her out, and was to get every
seventeenth fish for his share, extra, for his
services. Each one was to draw his share,
according to amount and sarvices. It was
all strait enuff, only some of the riggin was
taken from the `Amiable Mahitable,' belonging
to one of the three who found the riggin, part
of which was paid back by Capt. Jumper.
They puzzled at a settlement all winter; but
I saw thru'it in a minute, and made it all as
strait as a loon's leg. I showed the Gineral the
accounts one day, and I suppose that is the
reason why he wants me to look into the
Bank. I'll tell you more about it to rights.