University of Virginia Library

20. LETTER XX.

Account of the important difference between common
`Specs' and Magical Glasses; showing by plain
matters of fact, how much more difficult it is to see
through the latter than it is the former.

The last letter I writ you tell'd you about
the hunt we had arter the Gineral's specs,
and when we found 'em they was all stomp'd
to bits in his boot. The Gineral and all on us
have been in trouble ever since about it, for
they was given to him by Mr. Van Buren
the very day Mr. Van Buren came to jine him
at Washington as Secretary of State, and he
tell'd the Gineral never to let nobody handle
them are specs but himself, and that when
they got out of order, never to let nobody
mend'em but himself. And, do you know, so
particular was the Gineral, that when Mr.
Van Buren was absent, I have known him to
send them specs clean to England for Mr.
Van Buren to fix 'em for h m; for they had a

dozen little screws and springs to 'em, that
sometimes would get out of order, and when
that was the case, you couldn't see no more
threw 'em than you could threw Mr. Van
Buren himself. As soon then as we found
'em all broke to bits, as I tell'd you in my last
letter, the Gineral was in the greatest trouble
I ever see; and he wrote right off to Mr. Van
Buren about it, and sent the letter by express
clear to Albany, where Mr. Van Buren was;
and until that express got back agin, the Gineral
could do nothing with business. He was
as bad off as an owl in the sunshine. So
to rights the express got back, and brought
a letter from Mr. Van Buren, and a new pair
of specs—jest like the old ones (afore they
was broken)—there wan't a might of difference.

He put 'em on, and he looked as natural
agin in 'em as ever. `Aha!' says he, `Major,
these are the specs, after all. Tis strange,' says
he, `I can't see things with Governor Cass's
specs, nor Governor Woodberry's, nor anybody's,
as well as I can with these, for they
are jest like the pair I broke;'—and then he
read Mr. Van Buren's letter. `See here now,
Major,' says the Gineral, `how kind it is in

Mr. Van Buren to caution me, agin and agin,
not to touch the screws; and do you know,'
says the Gineral, `that ever since I have had
Mr. Van Buren with me, that whenever we
come to read over any long statement about
politics, and who to appint, or what to do with
the Bank, or any thing that required sharp
looking into, he would always first examine
my specs, and take 'em off to the window, or
to a corner with a light, and see that all was
right, and try 'em himself, and then bring 'em
back to me; for, as he says (and he is a knowin
crittur) that unless I can see well into every
thing, I best see nothin.'

A kinder notion than jest began to git in
my head that I couldn't scratch out all I could
do. And says I, `Gineral, I would like now
peskily to examine them specs; for if Mr.
Van Buren has not got a patent for 'em (and
seein he is Vice-President, and don't need one),
I think of gitting one myself.' `Well,' says
the Gineral, `I never like to refuse you nothin;
but Mr. Van Buren made me promise never
to let nobody examine into 'em, and especially
you; for,' says he, `Major, do you know that
Mr. Van Buren has a notion you know a good
deal about contrivances, and that it is the

natur of your people Down East: and it might
be he intends to git a patent himself for these
very specs; and if so, he ought to have it, for
he says they are jest as much his invention as
your letters are yourn.' `Well,' says I, `its
no matter.' But I got a kink in me to examin
them are specs; and I couldn't sleep, nor
eat, nor drink, till I got hold on 'em. So one
night, when I and the Gineral had ben readin
over the Message, and it was all finished and
complete, he put his name to it; `And now,'
says he, `Major, do you attend to the printin
on't, and git about 100 copies on't to send to
our folks who are distant, so they can git it as
soon and a little afore the opposition folks can
send it express, after it is delivered to Congress;'
and so he went to bed, for he was eny
most beat out. `Now,' thinks I, `for a try at
them specs'—for I was all the while thinkin on
'em; and the public work couldn't go on without'em.
And so I snook'd' em out, and clapp'd
them on—the Gineral all the while snorin like
a north-wester.

As soon as I took up the Message, and look'd
at it, I couldn't make head nor tail on't. It
seem'd to me jest, for all the world like one of
them show-boxes—all the letters and figers was

goin round and round, and look'd all the while
like some of them crouds we see last summer
on the grand tower, throwin up hats, and cryin
huzza for the Gineral and Major Downing, and
Mr. Van Buren; and then, agin, there was a
great glare, and it seem'd jest as if the Gineral
was in the middle on't, and Mr. Van Buren,
and Major Barry, and Amos Kindle, and a raft
more of our folks, all seem'd to be standing
round, firing off rockets; they would squirt
up over the Gineral, and burst, and then
shower down stars (jest as folks tell on tother
night when the stars all did git a caperin)—
and jest as they would come nigh the Gineral
those stars would git together and burst agin;
and they you could see nothin but `glory,' and
not a mite of the Gineral.

`Well,' thinks I, `if the Gineral can read the
Message with these specs, it's more than I can.'
But I stuck to it, I kept turnin over the leaves
till I got to the Treasury Accounts and the
Bank business, and the deposits, and matters
of such nature,—I had read all that over so
often before, with the Gineral, I had it all by
heart. But when I came to look at it through
them specs, it was no more like it than I am
like Mr. Van Buren. The accounts was all

jumbled up, and then came another spell of
`glory' agin; the letters and figers all turnin
into a crowd of folks and throwin up hats:
and there was Squire Biddle standin at the
door of his Bank, and Clay, and Webster, and
Calhoun, and a crowd more of such chaps
about him, with clubs in their hands, keepin
off our folks, who all seem'd to be tryin to git
into the windows; and some had got in and
was jest comin out with bags on their backs,
and among 'em I could see the cashiers of the
new Deposit Banks, with as much as they
could stagger under, and all carryin a label
with `glory' and `huzza for Gineral Jackson,'
and then agin up went another batch of rockets!
and there was the Gineral in another
blaze of `glory;' and jest as fast as I turn'd
over the leaves, and look'd a spell, every thing
would git to caperin agin, and end in a blow
up; and I could jest git a glimps of the Gineral,
all kivered up in `glory.'

Well, thinks I, if things look so to the Gineral,
as they do to me threw these specs, I
don't wonder so much that he don't always see
'em as other folks do; and then I went to
work, lookin into the contrivance; I give one
screw a twist one way, and the glasses flew

round like a flash; and I took up the Message
agin, and had another look, the letters and
figures would all jump about a spell, and
change sides; and when you come to read
'em, they warnt nothin like what I had written
'em; so I kept on turnin the screws, and
slippin the springs, and every time I'd try another
look, things kept all the while lookin different—and
by-and-by I got 'em so that things
look'd jest as they are; and as they look threw
most specs. `Well,' thinks I, `if this don't beat
all natur.'—And the more I look'd into the contrivance
of them are specs, the more I began to
think that they knew a thing or two in Albany.
`And now,' thinks I, `I'll leave these specs as
they now are, and let the Gineral take a look
at things as he used to, before Mr. Van Buren
gave him a pair of spectacles.' And so the
next morning, when the Gineral come into
the Cabinet-room up-chamber, the first thing
he said, says he, `Major, I'll take good care
how I put these specs in my pantaloons-pocket
agin.' And he took'em out of his side-pocket,
and begun rubbin'em; `Now,' says he,
`Major, jest let me take another look at that
Message. I want to see,' says he, `how the
Treasury 'counts and the Bank matters look
once more, for, do you know,' say she, `Major,
I don't know much about figers, and every time
I read that over, I'd get puzzled. But I suppose
it's all right; and as soon as I git puzzled
with such matters, or any other matters, I
seem to think the people understand it if I
don't; for I can almost swear I can see 'em
jest as glad, let me do or say what I will, as
they all was on the grand tower; and that's
enuf.' So I turned over the Message to that
part the Gineral wanted to see; and he put
on his specs, and went on to readin it.

I kept my eye on him; he look'd a spell, and
blink'd, and twisted his mouth, and took off
his specs and rubb'd 'em, and look'd agin and
blink'd, and twisted his eyebrows, laid the
Message on his knees, and begun to reckon
on his fingers—for he is a master-hand at that,
and can do a sum so, nigh upon as quick as I
can with a slate—so to rights, says he, `Major,
I don't like the looks of this a bit.' `How so,'
says I? `Well,' says he, `I don't know, but it
don't look as it used to.' And with that he
lookd up over the mantel-tree piece—and
started back, and look'd agin, and twisted his
eyebrows and lips plagily; and to rights says
he, `Major, whose likeness is that in plaster?'

`Why,' says I, `that's Mr. Van Buren, and a
good likeness too.' `Well, whose is that?'
`Why that's yourn,' says I, `and it looks for
all the world like you'—and with that he
jump'd up and took his Hickory, and with one
lick he smashed both on 'em into powder.
Jist then in come Amos Kindle with some
newspapers, and the Gineral walk'd right up
to him with his Hickory in one hand, and the
other hand holdin on his spectacles—the Gineral
blinked at him a spell, Amos bowed—
`Who are you?' says the Gineral; `what do you
want?' and jest as he was going to speak, the
Gineral fetched him a clip, and if he hadn't
been a master-hand at dodging, you'd a heard
no more on him: he streaked it for the door,
and got out in time. `Major,' says the Gineral
(taking off his specs to give 'em another
wipe), `warn't that Calhoun, or was it Duff
Green? 'twas one or tother of them slim
streaked-looking fellers, I'm sartin.' I see
there was no time to lose, and at this rate the
Gineral would smash all the lookingg-lasses,
and the Message too, and every thing else
about him, if I couldn't git them are specs
back agin, to fix the screws jest as Mr. Van
Buren had'em, so that he could see `glory' agin
and nothin else; and so I tell'd the Gineral to
let me wipe his specs: and as soon as I got
'em, I screw'd 'em back to the old place, and
ever since that, things go on smooth agin. I
don't like to show the Gineral the nature of
this contrivance yet of Mr. Van Buren's, but
when Congress gets agoin, we shall have high
times, and when the good time comes to let
the Gineral see things as they are, without
any `glory,' I'll jest git his spectacles, and
give them a twist back to a plain sight, and
if you don't see trouble among some of our
folks I'm mistaken. The Message now being
done, and Congress jest getting together, I
shall have more time to write to you.

I wish you'd git a `black pony' goin this
season, like the folks did last year, who print a
paper down-cellar under yourn, and if you
don't let him run so nigh Sunday as they did,
I'll send all my letters by him.