 | LETTER XXVI. Letters of J. Downing, major, Downingville militia, Second brigade, to his old friend, Mr. Dwight, of the New-York daily advertiser |  |
26. LETTER XXVI.
[We publish this morning, as was promised in our paper yesterday,
another letter from Major Downing. The principal subject
of it is one of great interest to the country at large. The
concerns of the General Post-Office appear before the public in
a most unfavourable light; and it is perfectly natural that the
President, `whose duty it is to see the laws faithfully executed,'
should feel a good deal of anxiety to shield one of his deficient
servants. The Major's suggestions respecting the advantages
of the course pursued by the Postmaster General in keeping
back the knowledge of his official transactions from Congress
are ingenious, and probably furnish the most satisfactory vindication
of that officer that can be—certainly that has been given.
And the mode of pleading what the lawyers call a set-off, in adjusting
the accounts between the losses of the Post-Office, and
the credits of the executive, though they may not be allowed
by the Committee of Claims, will be freely admitted by every
person who holds to the present or the next administration for
the rewards due to pure, disinterested, uncorrupted patriotism.]
Defalcations in the Post-Office—The Major's method
of letting off his own Steam—The magic Specks
screwed to a plain sight—The General takes a look at
things as they really are—His Steam up in consequence—The
Major's notion of the real object of removing
the Deposites from the U. S. Bank—The adjustment
of accounts by charging deficiencies to
account of “glory and reform.”
Washington, Jan. 16th, 1834.
You remember I tell'd you a spell ago, that
after we got the Message done, we was
good many things about the 'counts, and run
the chance of lettin Congress skip 'em over;
and I tell'd you too, that I would to rights git
the Gineral's specs, and giv 'em a twist round
to a plain sight, and let him take a look at
things jest as they be, without a bit of `glory'
about 'em. Well, among them accounts we
had got in the Message was the Post-Office
accounts. I didn't like the looks on 'em a bit
at the time, but as everybody said money was
plagy scarce everywhere, the Gineral thought
it was natural enuf to find it pretty scarce in
the Post-Office too. `Now,' says I, `Gineral,
my notion is that we best let Major Barry tell
his own story about it; for as he has done so
much in reformin things, and as we have got
now a pretty good majority in Congress, he
may git out of the scrape.' Well, the Gineral
thought that was about the best way; and
Major Barry made his report, and tell'd a
pretty considerable of a cute story about his
havin found an error in the Post-Office accounts,
that had been overlooked ever since
Gineral Washington's time. I begun to think
for a spell that would stump Congress, about
as much as tho' there had been a fire in the
Post-Office, pretty much like that one in the
other, some of the plagy Senators have been
smellin round, and got on a track that led 'em
right up to the fact, that the Post-Office is
head and ears all over in debt; and that it
has been borrowin money for over two years
now, and never said a word on't to Congress.
And I am peskily afeard, that seein the Law
says none of our folks shall borrow money
without consent of Congress (and which,
upon the hull, is a pretty safe law, for Congress
couldn't tell otherwise how the money
was goin)—I am, I say, peskily afeard we
can't git the Post-Office folks out of this scrape
without reformin some on 'em out of office.
But as they are all our best friends, and have
done more for glory and reform than most
folks, we shall let some on 'em resign, and then
apint 'em to some office abroad, or git 'em into
some place where they can git a liven without
workin for it; for the Gineral won't let any
on 'em suffer no way.
When the Gineral come to hear what the
Senate was arter, says he, `Major, will them
accounts of the Post-Office stand the racket,
or not?' `Why,' says I, `Gineral, its hard tellin:
but, as nigh as I can kalklate,' says I,
`I guess they won't in the wa Con ress settles
says I; `and the worst on't is, them accounts
have been so twisted, first one way, and then
agin another way, that I am afeard now they
won't stand twistin any more. The only way,'
says I, `is to straiten 'em, and that's all I can
do about 'em. But,' says I, `if they break
to bits in straitenin on 'em, I cant help it.'
`Well,' says he, `Major, I wish you'd try it;
for,' says the Gineral, `if we can't keep Barry
up, there is no tellin what will become of us;
for it seems to me, ever since Mr. Van Buren got
the Post-Office Department into the Cabinet, we
have been able to do more in `rewardin our
friends, and punishin our enemies,' than in all
the rest of the departments put together.'
`Well,' says I, `Gineral, I'll try it,' says I; and
so the Gineral went to bed; and I got my slate,
and I got all the Post-Office accounts from the
time Judge M`Lean left the office and Major
Barry came into it. It took me a good spell to
git 'em all strung out in regular order; and jest
as I was beginnin to sifer up, the Gineral he
riz up in bed, and says he, `Major, I reckon I
can help you along.' `Well,' says I, `Gineral,
I want all the help you can give me.' `I'm
thinkin,' says he, `you best say that it's all owin
to Biddle; that he is crampin all the people he
can't pay postage; and that if we had not
taken the deposits away from him, things
would be twice as bad now.' `Well,' says I,
`Gineral, that is a good notion, and I'll see to-rights
how it will work among figers.' `I
thought I'd jest tell you, Major,' says the Gineral,
`afore I forgot it, for the notion jest struck
me as I was goin to sleep;' and so the Gineral
laid down, and I went to siferin agin.
It was most daylight afore I got through;
and I finished off with the sums Major Barry
says he has been borrowin, and left a blank
to put in the amount he says the Post-Office
has overdrawn the Banks where the postages
are kept; for as he don't know yet what that
amount is, I can't tell myself; tho' I suppose
I could, upon a pinch, make nigh upon as good
a guess at it as he could, or any one else.
But I thought I wouldn't guess at nothin. I
never guess when I get hold of my slate—I
sifer on one side, and then chalk down the
sum on tother—so there can't be no mistake.
When I come to figer up the hull amount the
Post-Office has gone astarn since Judge
M`Lean left it, I begun to bile up like one of
old Capt. Bunker's steam kittles; and I was
glad the Gineral was snorin, for I don't like to
I don't do somethin, I suppose I should blow
up jest like a steamboat on the Massissippy—
and so I got my ax, and down stairs I went
with a light to the wood-house, and split up
more than three cord and a half of hickory
afore I got in a good temper, and afore I
thought it was safe to go to bed; and then I went
to bed, and slept like a top till breakfast time.
The next mornin, when the Gineral come
into the Cabinet-room—`Well,' says he, `Major,
did you finish them plaguy accounts?'
`Yes,' says I, `Gineral, I did, and split up
wood enuf to last us a month in the bargain.'
And I jest tell'd the Gineral a little about it
to prepare him. `Now,' says I, `Gineral, let
me have your specs,' says I, `a minit'—and I
took 'em to the window, and give the screws
a twist, and tried 'em; and seein every thing
look'd natural, I handed 'em to the Gineral,
and then he and I took the slate, and went
over the figers—both on us standin up by the
table side by side. `First,' says I, `there is the
printin account and stationary of the Post-Office,
when Mr. Adams was President; and
here is the account since we've been in—here
is the amount of contracts for one spell, and
number of offices and clarks for one spell, and
there is the number for another—and here is
the cost of wages and sallarys of the Post-Office
when Mr. Adams was President; and
here is the cost since our time—plaguy deal
of difference, Gineral,' says I, `ain't it?' The
Gineral he didn't say nothin—he kept his eyes
on the slate, and his mouth nigh upon wide
open; ony once in a while he'd calklate on his
fingers a spell. `And now,' says I, `there is
the sum Judge M'Lean left in the Post-Office
when he went out on't; and there,' says I,
`is the sum that is now wanting in the Post-Office,
to make things square there, to say
nothin of the sum Major Barry says the Post-Office
has overdrawn from the Banks—and as
he don't know what the amount is, I don't
nother; and I don't care about guessin at it;
for it's bad enuf without guessin.' The Gineral
put his eye on the last line of figers (it
was hard upon a million of dollars agin the
office), and look'd and blink'd, and began to
close his mouth up slowly, jest for all the
world like shutting up a safety valve; and he
began to swell, and breathe plagy hard. I see
the steam was gittin up. The Gineral he
we both look'd at the slate agin. Bime-by the
Gineral he opened the valve, and let off the
steam, and sich a whizzin you never heard in
your born days. He took my slate, and was
jest a goin to smash it into a thousand atoms;
but I got it afore it struck the floor. He then
got his hickory, and thrash'd round a spell
with that. But that didn't do no good. So
says he, to-rights, `Major, what is to be done
about it?' `Why,' says I, `Gineral, I don't
see nothin else,' says I, `but to take my ax,
and do as I did last night—there is a good deal
of hickory wants splittin in the wood-house
yet.' And with that I handed the Gineral my
ax, and he slatted about the chamber with it
for a spell; and if any of our folks had come
in then, I guess they'd found more to fear
than when I frighted 'em so a few days ago.
I never know'd the Gineral blow off steam
so long as he did this time; and I was peskily
afear'd the boiler would burst arter all. And
so I went to work puttin out the fire; and the
only way was to get the specs and screw 'em
back to `glory' agin; and as soon as I did
that, we got our pipes, and sot down and talk'd
over the matter.
`Now,' says I, `Gineral, though this is a
bad business, it ain't so bad as it first looks.
In the first place,' says I, `if Major Barry had
borrow'd the mony of Squire Biddle, Congress
would have known it 2 years ago, and
the Post-Office reports wouldn't a ben as
slick as they have been; and we'd a had more
trouble to git so many of our folks in, last
election. And then, agin, by borrowin the
mony of other Banks, on interest, it made
them Banks the keener to get hold of the deposits;
for if Congress wouldn't pass a law to
pay the mony borrow'd by our folks, to make
their accounts look square, why the deposit
Banks could pay themselves; and now by
gettin our mony away from Squire Biddle,
who was bound by law to make a regular report
to Congress of ev'ry thing, and puttin it
in other Banks, our folks can square off a good
many accounts, and Congress won't know
nothin on't; for it will take a pretty spry siferer
to figer out all the accounts with so many
new deposit Banks; for we've got 'em now
pretty well mix'd up with what the Treasury
calls `contingent drafts,' and `transfer checks,'
and `Treasury warrants;' and Zekel Bigelow
says he could in three days, with the
and transfer, and contingent away, between
so many pockets, nigh upon the hull of the
deposits, and nobody could never find nothin
about it.
`And then, agin,' says I, `here is another
thing—the people wanted `Glory,' and they
wanted `Reform,' and they have had both
now over 5 years; and if they expected it
warn't a goin to cost nothin, they was mistaken.
And that ain't all—there was that
plagy `surplus mony' business: evrybody
said a spell ago if somethin warn't done about
it, the country would all go to smash. Well,
now,' says I, `we are gettin out of that scrape
as slick as a whistle.'
The Gineral he began to brighten up—`Why,'
says he, `Major, we've been in a pashin then
about nothin. I remember now I tell'd the
folks in my Message a spell ago, that the
safest place for the surplus money was in the
pockets of the people; and I believe that sayin
alone brought over more than one State to
our side; and if our people git the mony, it's
all right, ain't it, Major?' `Yes,' says I;
`only some folks, I suppose, will set up a
squeelin, jest like the pigs when they come in
they don't belong to our party, they've got
jest as good a right to a share as we have.
`Well,' says the Gineral, `there they are mistaken;
for Governor Massy said (and that
made him Governor too), that the corn all belonged
to the pigs that got into the pen afore
the gate was shut. But, Major,' says the
Gineral, `I am a leetle puzzled yet to know
what account to charge that Post-Office debt
to. If we can only git that right, and save
Barry, I shall sleep sound to-night.' `Well,'
says I, `Gineral, there is only one account
that will stand that charge, and a good many
more too; for as we go along, and Congress
gits to siftin things, I suppose they'll find
out somethin more. In the first place,' says
I, `that fire in the Treasury last spring did a
good deal towards settlin off a good many
land accounts, and other accounts. If we
don't have no more fires, or other accounts,
and Congress presses us, we'll give them a
lead through the new deposit Banks a spell,
as I have jest bin tellin; and if they follow
us up through that track, for some of these
fellows have got good noses, then we'll fetch
up on the only account I know of, and that
many charges yet.' `Well, what is that account,
Major?' says the Gineral—and he got
up and looked at me.—`Last week,' says I,
`Gineral, was the 8th January. Now,' says I,
`ain't that day worth a little more than the
4th July?' The Gineral gin a nod. `Well
then,' says I, `there is `Glory;' ain't that worth
somethin?' The Gineral gin another nod.
`And there is `Reform;' ain't that worth
somethin?' The Gineral noded agin. `Well
now,' says I, `put all that together, and if that
don't make a sum of debt due you,' says I,
`that will balance a good many accounts, I'm
mistaken. New-Orleans, Glory, and Reform,'
says I, `debtor to the Gineral.' `That's
enuff,' says the Gineral. And so that was the
eend of the Post-Office accounts.
| LETTER XXVI. Letters of J. Downing, major, Downingville militia, Second brigade, to his old friend, Mr. Dwight, of the New-York daily advertiser | |