4. CHAPTER IV.
Containing a necessary apology for the author; and a childish
incident, which perhaps requires an apology likewise
Before I proceed farther, I shall beg leave to obviate some
misconstructions into which the zeal of some few readers may lead
them; for I would not willingly give offence to any, especially to men
who are warm in the cause of virtue or religion.
I hope, therefore, no man will, by the grossest misunderstanding
of perversion of my meaning, misrepresent me, as endeavouring to
cast any ridicule on the greatest perfections of human nature; and
which do, indeed, alone purify and ennoble the heart of man, and raise
him above the brute creation. This, reader, I will venture to say (and
by how much the better man you are yourself, by so much the more
will you be inclined to believe me), that I would rather have buried
the sentiments of these two persons in eternal oblivion, than have
done any injury to either of these glorious causes.
On the contrary, it is with a view to their service, that I have
taken upon me to record the lives and actions of two of their false
and pretended champions. A treacherous friend is the most dangerous
enemy; and I will say boldly, that both religion and virtue have
received more real discredit from hypocrites than the wittiest
profligates or infidels could ever cast upon them: nay, farther, as
these two, in their purity, are rightly called the bands of civil
society, and are indeed the greatest of blessings; so when poisoned
and corrupted with fraud, pretence, and effectation, they have
become the worst of civil curses, and have enabled men to perpetrate
the most cruel mischiefs to their own species.
Indeed, I doubt not but this ridicule will in general be allowed: my
chief apprehension is, as many true and just sentiments often came
from the mouths of these persons, lest the whole should be taken
together, and I should be conceived to ridicule all alike. Now the
reader will be pleased to consider, that, as neither of these men were
fools, they could not be supposed to have holden none but wrong
principles, and to have uttered nothing but absurdities; what
injustice, therefore, must I have done to their characters, had I
selected only what was bad! And how horribly wretched and maimed
must their arguments have appeared!
Upon the whole, it is not religion or virtue, but the want or
them, which is here exposed. Had not Thwackum too much neglected
virtue, and Square, religion, in the composition of their several
systems, and had not both utterly discarded all natural goodness of
heart, they had never been represented as the objects of derision in
this history; in which we will now proceed.
This matter then, which put an end to the debate mentioned in the
last chapter, was no other than a quarrel between Master Blifil and
Tom Jones, the consequence of which had been a bloody nose to the
former; for though Master Blifil, notwithstanding he was the
younger, was in size above the other's match, yet Tom was much his
superior at the noble art of boxing.
Tom, however, cautiously avoided all engagements with that youth;
for besides that Tommy Jones was an inoffensive lad amidst all his
roguery, and really loved Blifil, Mr. Thwackum being always the second
of the latter, would have been sufficient to deter him.
But well says a certain author, No man is wise at all hours; it is
therefore no wonder that a boy is not so. A difference arising at play
between the two lads, Master Blifil called Tom a beggarly bastard.
Upon which the latter, who was somewhat passionate in his disposition,
immediately caused that phenomenon in the face of the former, which we
have above remembered.
Master Blifil now, with his blood running from his nose, and the
tears galloping after from his eyes, appeared before his uncle and the
tremendous Thwackum. In which court an indictment of assault, battery,
and wounding, was instantly preferred against Tom; who in his excuse
only pleaded the provocation, which was indeed all the matter that
Master Blifil had omitted.
It is indeed possible that this circumstance might have escaped
his memory; for, in his reply, he positively insisted, that he had
made use of no such appellation; adding, "Heaven forbid such naughty
words should ever come out of his mouth!"
Tom, though against all form of law, rejoined in affirmance of the
words. Upon which Master Blifil said, "It is no wonder. Those who will
tell one fib, will hardly stick at another. If I had told my master
such a wicked fib as you have done, I should be ashamed to show my
face."
"What fib, child?" cries Thwackum pretty eagerly.
"Why, he told you that nobody was with him a shooting when he killed
the partridge; but he knows" (here he burst into a flood of tears),
"yes, he knows, for he confessed it to me, that Black George the
gamekeeper was there. Nay, he said- yes you did- deny it if you can,
that you would not have confest the truth, though master had cut you
to pieces."
At this the fire flashed from Thwackum's eyes, and he cried out in
triumph- "Oh! ho! this is your mistaken notion of honour! This is the
boy who was not to be whipped again!" But Mr. Allworthy, with a more
gentle aspect, turned towards the lad, and said, "Is this true, child?
How came you to persist so obstinately in a falsehood?"
Tom said, "He scorned a lie as much as any one: but he thought his
honour engaged him to act as he did; for he had promised the poor
fellow to conceal him: which," he said, "he thought himself farther
obliged to, as the gamekeeper had begged him not to go into the
gentleman's manor, and had at last gone himself, in compliance with
his persuasions." He said, "This was the whole truth of the matter,
and he would take his oath of it"; and concluded with very
passionately begging Mr. Allworthy "to have compassion on the poor
fellow's family, especially as he himself only had been guilty, and
the other had been very difficultly prevailed on to do what he did.
Indeed, sir," said he, "it could hardly be called a lie that I told;
for the poor fellow was entirely innocent of the whole matter. I
should have gone alone after the birds; nay, I did go at first, and he
only followed me to prevent more mischief. Do, pray, sir, let me be
punished; take my little horse away again; but pray, sir, forgive poor
George."
Mr. Allworthy hesitated a few moments, and then dismissed the
boys, advising them to live more friendly and peaceably together.