5. CHAPTER V.
Containing more adventures which Mr. Jones and his companion met
on the road
Our travellers now walked so fast, that they had very little time or
breath for conversation; Jones meditating all the way on Sophia, and
Partridge on the bank-bill, which, though it gave him some pleasure,
caused him at the same time to repine at fortune, which, in all his
walks, had never given him such an opportunity of showing his honesty.
They had proceeded above three miles, when Partridge, being unable any
longer to keep up with Jones, called to him, and begged him a little
to slacken his pace: with this he was the more ready to comply, as
he had for some time lost the footsteps of the horses, which the
thaw had enabled him to trace for several miles, and he was now upon a
wide common, where were several roads.
He here therefore stopt to consider which of these roads he should
pursue; when on a sudden they heard the noise of a drum, that seemed
at no great distance. This sound presently alarmed the fears of
Partridge, and he cried out, "Lord have mercy upon us all; they are
certainly a coming!" "Who is coming?" cries Jones; for fear had long
since given place to softer ideas in his mind; and since his adventure
with the lame man, he had been totally intent on pursuing Sophia,
without entertaining one thought of an enemy. "Who?" cries
Partridge, "why, the rebels: but why should I call them rebels? they
may be very honest gentlemen, for anything I know to the contrary. The
devil take him that affronts them, I say; I am sure, if they have
nothing to say to me, I will have nothing to say to them, but in a
civil way. For Heaven's sake, sir, don't affront them if they should
come, and perhaps they may do us no harm; but would it not be the
wiser way to creep into some of yonder bushes, till they are gone
by? What can two unarmed men do perhaps against fifty thousand?
Certainly nobody but a madman; I hope your honour is not offended; but
certainly no man who hath mens sana in corpore sano--" Here Jones
interrupted this torrent of eloquence, which fear had inspired, saying,
"That by the drum he perceived they were near some town." He then made
directly towards the place whence the noise proceeded, bidding
Partridge "take courage, for that he would lead him into no danger;"
and adding, "it was impossible the rebels should be so near."
Partridge was a little comforted with this last assurance; and
though he would more gladly have gone the contrary way, he followed
his leader, his heart beating time, but not after the manner of
heroes, to the music of the drum, which ceased not till they had
traversed the common, and were come into a narrow lane.
And now Partridge, who kept even pace with Jones, discovered
something painted flying in the air, a very few yards before him,
which fancying to be the colours of the enemy, he fell a bellowing, "O
Lord, sir, here they are; there is the crown and coffin. Oh Lord! I
never saw anything so terrible; and we are within gun-shot of them
already."
Jones no sooner looked up, than he plainly perceived what it was
which Partridge had thus mistaken. "Partridge," says he, "I fancy
you will be able to engage this whole army yourself; for by the
colours I guess what the drum was which we heard before, and which
beats up for recruits to a puppet-show."
"A puppet-show!" answered Partridge, with most eager transport. "And
is it really no more than that? I love a puppet-show of all the
pastimes upon earth. Do, good sir, let us tarry and see it. Besides, I
am quite famished to death; for it is now almost dark, and I have
not eat a morsel since three o'clock in the morning."
They now arrived at an inn, or indeed an ale-house, where Jones
was prevailed upon to stop, the rather as he had no longer any
assurance of being in the road he desired. They walked both directly
into the kitchen, where Jones began to inquire if no ladies had passed
that way in the morning, and Partridge as eagerly examined into the
state of their provisions; and indeed his inquiry met with the
better success; for Jones could not hear news of Sophia; but
Partridge, to his great satisfaction found good reason to expect
very shortly the agreeable sight of an excellent smoaking dish of eggs
and bacon.
In strong and healthy constitutions love hath a very different
effect from what it causes in the puny part of the species. In the
latter it generally destroys all that appetite which tends towards the
conservation of the individual; but in the former, though it often
induces forgetfulness, and a neglect of food, as well as of everything
else; yet place a good piece of well-powdered buttock before a
hungry lover, and he seldom fails very handsomely to play his part.
Thus it happened in the present case; for though Jones perhaps
wanted a prompter, and might have travelled much farther, had he
been alone, with an empty stomach; yet no sooner did he sit down to
the bacon and eggs, than he fell to as heartily and voraciously as
Partridge himself.
Before our travellers had finished their dinner, night came on,
and as the moon was now past the full, it was extremely dark.
Partridge therefore prevailed on Jones to stay and see the
puppet-show, which was just going to begin, and to which they were
very eagerly invited by the master of the said show, who declared
that his figures were the finest which the world had ever produced,
and that they had given great satisfaction to all the quality in
every town in England.
The puppet-show was performed with great regularity and decency.
It was called the fine and serious part of the Provoked Husband; and
it was indeed a very grave and solemn entertainment, without any low
wit, or humour, or jests; or, to do it no more than justice, without
anything which could provoke a laugh. The audience were all highly
pleased. A grave matron told the master she would bring her two
daughters the next night, as he did not show any stuff; and an
attorney's clerk and an exciseman both declared, that the characters
of Lord and Lady Townley were well preserved, and highly in nature.
Partridge likewise concurred with this opinion.
The master was so highly elated with these encomiums, that he
could not refrain from adding some more of his own. He said, "The
present age was not improved in anything so much as in their
puppet-shows; which, by throwing out Punch and his wife Joan, and such
idle trumpery, were at last brought to be a rational entertainment.
I remember," said he, "when I first took to the business, there was
a great deal of low stuff that did very well to make folks laugh;
but was never calculated to improve the morals of young people,
which certainly ought to be principally aimed at in every puppet-show:
for why may not good and instructive lessons be conveyed this way,
as well as any other? My figures are as big as the life, and they
represent the life in every particular; and I question not but
people rise from my little drama as much improved as they do from
the great." "I would by no means degrade the ingenuity of your
profession," answered Jones, "but I should have been glad to have seen
my old acquaintance, master Punch, for all that; and so far from
improving, I think, by leaving out him and his merry wife Joan, you
have spoiled your puppet-show."
The dancer of wires conceived an immediate and high contempt for
Jones, from these words. And with much disdain in his countenance,
he replied, "Very probably, sir, that may be your opinion; but I
have the satisfaction to know the best judges differ from you, and
it is impossible to please every taste. I confess, indeed, some of the
quality at Bath, two or three years ago, wanted mightily to bring
Punch again upon the stage. I believe I lost some money for not
agreeing to it; but let others do as they will; a little matter
shall never bribe me to degrade my own profession, nor will I ever
willingly consent to the spoiling the decency and regularity of my
stage, by introducing any such low stuff upon it."
"Right, friend," cries the clerk, "you are very right. Always
avoid what is low. There are several of my acquaintance in London, who
are resolved to drive everything which is low from the stage."
"Nothing can be more proper," cries the exciseman, pulling his pipe
from his mouth. "I remember," added he, "(for I then lived with my
lord) I was in the footman's gallery, the night when this play of
the Provoked Husband was acted first. There was a great deal of low
stuff in it about a country gentleman come up to town to stand for
parliament-man; and there they brought a parcel of his servants upon
the stage, his coachman I remember particularly; but the gentlemen
in our gallery could not bear anything so low, and they damned it. I
observe, friend you have left all that matter out, and you are to be
commended for it."
"Nay, gentlemen," cries Jones, "I can never maintain my opinion
against so many; indeed, if the generality of his audience dislike
him, the learned gentleman who conducts the show might have done
very right in dismissing Punch from his service."
The master of the show then began a second harangue, and said much
of the great force of example, and how much the inferior part of
mankind would be deterred from vice, by observing how odious it was in
their superiors; when he was unluckily interrupted by an incident,
which, though perhaps we might have omitted it at another time, we
cannot help relating at present, but not in this chapter.