4. CHAPTER IV.
In which the arrival of a man of war puts a final end to
hostilities, and causes the conclusion of a firm and lasting peace
between all parties
A serjeant and a file of musqueteers, with a deserter in their
custody, arrived about this time. The serjeant presently enquired
for the principal magistrate of the town, and was informed by my
landlord, that he himself was vested in that office. He then
demanded his billets, together with a mug of beer, and complaining
it was cold, spread himself before the kitchen fire.
Mr. Jones was at this time comforting the poor distressed lady,
who sat down at a table in the kitchen, and leaning her head upon
her arm, was bemoaning her misfortunes; but lest my fair readers
should be in pain concerning a particular circumstance, I think proper
here to acquaint them, that before she had quitted the room above
stairs, she had so well covered herself with a pillowbeer which she
there found, that her regard to decency was not in the least
violated by the presence of so many men as were now in the room.
One of the soldiers now went up to the serjeant, and whispered
something in his ear; upon which he stedfastly fixed his eyes on the
lady, and having looked at her for near a minute, he came up to her,
saying, "I ask pardon, madam; but I am certain I am not deceived;
you can be no other person than Captain Waters's lady?"
The poor woman, who in her present distress had very little regarded
the face of any person present, no sooner looked at the serjeant
than she presently recollected him, and calling him by his name,
answered, "That she was indeed the unhappy person he imagined her to
be;" but added, "I wonder any one should know me in this disguise." To
which the serjeant replied, "He was very much surprized to see her
ladyship in such a dress, and was afraid some accident had happened to
her."- "An accident hath happened to me, indeed," says she, "and I am
highly obliged to this gentleman" (Pointing to Jones) "that it was not
a fatal one, or that I am now living to mention it."- "Whatever the
gentleman hath done," cries the serjeant, "I am sure the captain
will make him amends for it; and if I can be of any service, your
ladyship may command me, and I shall think myself very happy to have
it in my power to serve your ladyship; and so indeed may any one,
for I know the captain will well reward them for it."
The landlady, who heard from the stairs all that past between the
serjeant and Mrs. Waters, came hastily down, and running directly up
to her, began to ask pardon for the offences she had committed,
begging that all might be imputed to ignorance of her quality: for,
"Lud! madam," says she, "how should I have imagined that a lady of
your fashion would appear in such a dress? I am sure, madam, if I
had once suspected that your ladyship was your ladyship, I would
sooner have burnt my tongue out, than have said what I have said;
and I hope your ladyship will accept of a gown, till you can get
your own cloaths."
"Prithee, woman," says Mrs. Waters, "cease your impertinence: how
can you imagine I should concern myself about anything which comes
from the lips of such low creatures as yourself? But I am surprized at
your assurance in thinking, after what is past, that I will condescend
to put on any of your dirty things. I would have you know, creature, I
have a spirit above that."
Here Jones interfered, and begged Mrs. Waters to forgive the
landlady, and to accept her gown: "for I must confess," cries he, "our
appearance was a little suspicious when first we came in; and I am
well assured all this good woman did was, as she professed, out of
regard to the reputation of her house."
"Yes, upon my truly was it," says she: "the gentleman speaks very
much like a gentleman, and I see very plainly is so; and to be certain
the house is well known to be a house of as good reputation as any
on the road, and though I say it, is frequented by gentry of the
best quality, both Irish and English. I defy anybody to say black is
my eye, for that matter. And, as I was saying, if I had known your
ladyship to be your ladyship, I would as soon have burnt my fingers as
have affronted your ladyship; but truly where gentry come and spend
their money, I am not willing that they should be scandalized by a set
of poor shabby vermin, that, wherever they go, leave more lice than
money behind them; such folks never raise my compassion, for to be
certain it is foolish to have any for them; and if our justices did as
they ought, they would be all whipt out of the kingdom, for to be
certain it is what is most fitting for them. But as for your ladyship,
I am heartily sorry your ladyship hath had a misfortune, and if your
ladyship will do me the honour to wear my cloaths till you can get
some of your ladyship's own, to be certain the best I have is at
your ladyship's service."
Whether cold, shame, or the persuasions of Mr. Jones prevailed
most on Mrs. Waters, I will not determine, but she suffered herself to
be pacified by this speech of my landlady, and retired with that
good woman, in order to apparel herself in a decent manner.
My landlord was likewise beginning his oration to Jones, but was
presently interrupted by that generous youth, who shook him heartily
by the hand, and assured him of entire forgiveness, saying, "If you
are satisfied, my worthy friend, I promise you I am;" and indeed, in
one sense, the landlord had the better reason to be satisfied; for
he had received a bellyfull of drubbing whereas Jones had scarce
felt a single blow.
Partridge, who had been all this time washing his bloody nose at the
pump, returned into the kitchen at the instant when his master and the
landlord were shaking hands with each other. As he was of a
peaceable disposition, he was pleased with those symptoms of
reconciliation; and though his face bore some marks of Susan's fist,
and many more of her nails, he rather chose to be contented with his
fortune in the last battle than to endeavour at bettering it in
another.
The heroic Susan was likewise well contented with her victory,
though it had cost her a black eye, which Partridge had given her at
the first onset. Between these two, therefore, a league was struck,
and those hands which had been the instruments of war became now the
mediators of peace.
Matters were thus restored to a perfect calm; at which the serjeant,
though it may seem so contrary to the principles of his profession,
testified his approbation. "Why now, that's friendly," said he; "d--n
me, I hate to see two people bear ill-will to one another after they
have had a tussel. The only way when friends quarrel is to see it
out fairly in a friendly manner, as a man may call it, either with a
fist, or sword, or pistol, according as they like, and then let it
be all over; for my own part, d--n me if ever I love my friend better
than when I am fighting with him! To bear malice is more like a
Frenchman than an Englishman."
He then proposed a libation as a necessary part of the ceremony at
all treaties of this kind. Perhaps the reader may here conclude that
he was well versed in antient history; but this, though highly
probable, as he cited no authority to support the custom, I will not
affirm with any confidence. Most likely indeed it is, that he
founded his opinion on very good authority, since he confirmed it with
many violent oaths.
Jones no sooner heard the proposal than, immediately agreeing with
the learned serjeant, he ordered a bowl, or rather a large mug, filled
with the liquor used on these occasions, to be brought in, and then
began the ceremony himself. He placed his right hand in that of the
landlord, and, seizing the bowl with his left, uttered the usual
words, and then made his libation. After which, the same was
observed by all present. Indeed, there is very little need of being
particular in describing the whole form, as it differed so little from
those libations of which so much is recorded in antient authors and
their modern transcribers. The principal difference lay in two
instances; for, first, the present company poured the liquor only down
their throats; and, secondly, the serjeant, who officiated as
priest, drank the last; but he preserved, I believe, the antient form,
in swallowing much the largest draught of the whole company, and in
being the only person present who contributed nothing towards the
libation besides his good offices in assisting at the performance.
The good people now ranged themselves round the kitchen fire,
where good humour seemed to maintain an absolute dominion; and
Partridge not only forgot his shameful defeat, but converted hunger
into thirst, and soon became extremely facetious. We must however quit
this agreeable assembly for a while, and attend Mr. Jones to Mrs.
Waters's apartment, where the dinner which he had bespoke was now on
the table. Indeed, it took no long time in preparing, having been
all drest three days before, and required nothing more from the cook
than to warm it over again.