7. CHAPTER VII.
Containing a remark or two of our own, and many more of the good
company assembled in the kitchen
Though the pride of Partridge did not submit to acknowledge
himself a servant, yet he condescended in most particulars to
imitate the manners of that rank. One instance of this was, his
greatly magnifying the fortune of his companion, as he called Jones:
such is a general custom with all servants among strangers, as none of
them would willingly be thought the attendant on a beggar: for, the
higher the situation of the master is, the higher, consequently, is
that of the man in his own opinion; the truth of which observation
appears from the behaviour of all the footmen of the nobility.
But, though title and fortune communicate a splendor all around
them, and the footmen of men of quality and of estate think themselves
entitled to a part of that respect which is paid to the quality and
estates of their masters, it is clearly otherwise with regard to
virtue and understanding. These advantages are strictly personal,
and swallow themselves all the respect which is paid to them. To say
the truth, this is so very little, that they cannot well afford to let
any others partake with them. As these therefore reflect no honour
on the domestic, so neither is he at all dishonoured by the most
deplorable want of both in his master. Indeed it is otherwise in the
want of what is called virtue in a mistress, the consequence of
which we have before seen: for in this dishonour there is a kind of
contagion, which, like that of poverty, communicates itself to all who
approach it.
Now for these reasons we are not to wonder that servants (I mean
among the men only) should have no great regard for the reputation
of the wealth of their masters, and little or none at all for their
character in other points, and that, though they would be ashamed to
be the footman of a beggar, they are not so to attend upon a rogue
or a blockhead; and do consequently make no scruple to spread the fame
of the iniquities and follies of their said masters as far as
possible, and this often with great humour and merriment. In
reality, a footman is often a wit as well as a beau, at the expence of
the gentleman whose livery he wears.
After Partridge, therefore, had enlarged greatly on the vast fortune
to which Mr. Jones was heir, he very freely communicated an
apprehension, which he had begun to conceive the day before, and for
which, as we hinted at that very time, the behaviour of Jones seemed
to have furnished a sufficient foundation. In short, he was now pretty
well confirmed in an opinion, that his master was out of his wits,
with which opinion he very bluntly acquainted the good company round
the fire.
With this sentiment the puppet-show man immediately coincided. "I
own," said he, "the gentleman surprized me very much, when he talked
so absurdly about puppet-shows. It is indeed hardly to be conceived
that any man in his senses should be so much mistaken; what you say
now accounts very well for all his monstrous notions. Poor
gentleman! I am heartily concerned for him; indeed he hath a strange
wildness about his eyes which I took notice of before, though I did
not mention it."
The landlord agreed with this last assertion, and likewise claimed
the sagacity of having observed it. "And certainly," added he, "it
must be so; for no one but a madman would have thought of leaving so
good a house to ramble about the country at that time of night."
The exciseman, pulling his pipe from his mouth, said, "He thought
the gentleman looked and talked a little wildly"; and then turning
to Partridge, "if he be a madman," says he, "he should not be suffered
to travel thus about the country; for possibly he may do some
mischief. It is a pity he was not secured and sent home to his
relations."
Now some conceits of this kind were likewise lurking in the mind
of Partridge; for, as he was now persuaded that Jones had run away
from Mr. Allworthy, he promised himself the highest rewards if he
could by any means convey him back. But fear of Jones, of whose
fierceness and strength he had seen, and indeed felt, some
instances, had however represented any such scheme as impossible to be
executed, and had discouraged him from applying himself to form any
regular plan for the purpose. But no sooner did he hear the sentiments
of the exciseman, than he embraced that opportunity of declaring his
own, and expressed a hearty wish that such a matter could be brought
about.
"Could be brought about!" says the exciseman: "why, there is nothing
easier."
"Ah! sir," answered Partridge, "you don't know what a devil of a
fellow he is. He can take me up with one hand, and throw me out at
window; and he would, too, if he did but imagine-"
"Pogh!" says the exciseman, "I believe I am as good a man as he.
Besides, here are five of us."
"I don't know what five," cries the landlady; "my husband shall
have nothing to do in it. Nor shall any violent hands be laid upon
anybody in my house. The young gentleman is as pretty a young
gentleman as ever I saw in my life, and I believe he is no more mad
than any of us. What do you tell of his having a wild look with his
eyes? they are the prettiest eyes I ever saw, and he hath the
prettiest look with them; and a very modest civil young man he is. I
am sure I have bepitied him heartily ever since the gentleman there in
the corner told us he was crost in love. Certainly that is enough to
make any man, especially such a sweet young gentleman as he is, to
look a little otherwise than he did before. Lady, indeed! what the
devil would the lady have better than such a handsome man with a great
estate? I suppose she is one of your quality folks, one of your Townly
ladies that we saw last night in the puppet-show, who don't know
what they would be at."
The attorney's clerk likewise declared he would have no concern in
the business without the advice of counsel. "Suppose," says he, "an
action of false imprisonment should be brought against us, what
defence could we make? Who knows what may be sufficient evidence of
madness to a jury? But I only speak upon my own account; for it
don't look well for a lawyer to be concerned in these matters,
unless it be as a lawyer. Juries are always less favourable to us than
to other people. I don't therefore dissuade you, Mr. Thomson (to the
exciseman), nor the gentleman, nor anybody else."
The exciseman shook his head at this speech, and the puppet-show man
said, "Madness was sometimes a difficult matter for a jury to
decide: for I remember," says he, "I was once present at a tryal of
madness, where twenty witnesses swore that the person was as mad as
a March hare; and twenty others, that he was as much in his senses
as any man in England.- And indeed it was the opinion of most people,
that it was only a trick of his relations to rob the poor man of his
right."
"Very likely!" cries the landlady. "I myself knew a poor gentleman
who was kept in a mad-house all his life by his family, and they
enjoyed his estate, but it them no good; for though the law gave it
them, it was the right of another."
"Pogh!" cries the clerk, with great contempt, "who hath any right
but what the law gives them? If the law gave me the best estate in the
country, I should never trouble myself much who had the right."
"If it be so," says Partridge, "Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula
cautum."
My landlord, who had been called out by the arrival of a horseman at
the gate, now returned into the kitchen, and with an affrighted
countenance cried out, "What do you think, gentlemen? The rebels
have given the duke the slip, and are got almost to London. It is
certainly true, for a man on horseback just now told me so."
"I am glad of it with all my heart," cries Partridge; "then there
will be no fighting in these parts."
"I am glad," cries the clerk, "for a better reason; for I would
always have right take place."
"Ay, but," answered the landlord, "I have heard some people say this
man hath no right."
"I will prove the contrary in a moment," cries the clerk: "if my
father dies seized of a right; do you mind me, seized of a right, I
say; doth not that right descend to his son; and doth not one right
descend as well as another?"
"But how can he have any right to make us papishes?" says the
landlord.
"Never fear that," cries Partridge. "As to the matter of right,
the gentleman there hath proved it as clear as the sun; and as to
the matter of religion, it is quite out of the case. The papists
themselves don't expect any such thing. A popish priest, whom I know
very well, and who is a very honest man, told me upon his word and
honour they had no such design."
"And another priest, of my acquaintance," said the landlady, "hath
told me the same thing; but my husband is always so afraid of
papishes. I know a great many papishes that are very honest sort of
people, and spend their money very freely; and it is always a maxim
with me, that one man's money is as good as another's."
"Very true, mistress," said the puppet-show man, "I don't care
what religion comes; provided the Presbyterians are not uppermost; for
they are enemies to puppet-shows."
"And so you would sacrifice your religion to your interest," cries
the exciseman; "and are desirous to see popery brought in, are you?"
"Not I, truly," answered the other; "I hate popery as much any
man; but yet it is a comfort to one, that one should be able to live
under it, which I could not do among Presbyterians. To be sure,
every man values his livelihood first; that must be granted; and I
warrant, if you would confess the truth, you are more afraid of losing
your place than anything else; but never fear, friend, there will be
an excise under another government as well as under this."
"Why, certainly," replied the exciseman, "I should be a very ill man
if I did not honour the king, whose bread I eat. That is no more
than natural, as a man may say: for what signifies it to me that there
would be an excise office under another government, since my friends
would be out, and I could expect no better than to follow them? No,
no, friend, I shall never be bubbled out of my religion in hopes
only of keeping my place under another government; for I should
certainly be no better, and very probably might be worse."
"Why, that is what I say," cries the landlord, "whenever folks say
who knows what may happen! Odsooks! should not I be a blockhead to
lend my money to I know not who, because mayhap he may return it
again? I am sure it is safe in my own bureau, and there I will keep
it."
The attorney's clerk had taken a great fancy to the sagacity of
Partridge. Whether this proceeded from the great discernment which the
former had into men, as well as things, or whether it arose from the
sympathy between their minds; for they were both truly Jacobites in
principle; they now shook hands heartily, and drank bumpers of
strong beer to healths which we think proper to bury in oblivion.
These healths were afterwards pledged by all present, and even by my
landlord himself, though reluctantly; but he could not withstand the
menaces of the clerk, who swore he would never set his foot within his
house again, if he refused. The bumpers which were swallowed on this
occasion soon put an end to the conversation. Here, therefore, we will
put an end to the chapter.