9. CHAPTER IX.
In which Jones pays a visit to Mrs. Fitzpatrick
The reader may now, perhaps, be pleased to return with us to Mr.
Jones, who, at the appointed hour, attended on Mrs. Fitzpatrick; but
before we relate the conversation which now past, it may be proper,
according to our method, to return a little back, and to account for
so great an alteration of behaviour in this lady, that from changing
her lodging principally to avoid Mr. Jones, she had now industriously,
as hath been seen, sought this interview.
And here we shall need only to resort to what happened the preceding
day, when, hearing from Lady Bellaston that Mr. Western was arrived in
town, she went to pay her duty to him, at his lodgings at
Piccadilly, where she was received with many scurvy compellations
too coarse to be repeated, and was even threatened to be kicked out of
doors. From hence, an old servant of her aunt Western, with whom she
was well acquainted, conducted her to the lodgings of that lady, who
treated her not more kindly, but more politely; or, to say the
truth, with rudeness in another way. In short, she returned from both,
plainly convinced, not only that her scheme of reconciliation had
proved abortive, but that she must for ever give over all thoughts
of bringing it about by any means whatever. From this moment desire of
revenge only filled her mind; and in this temper meeting Jones at
the play, an opportunity seemed to her to occur of effecting this
purpose.
The reader must remember that he was acquainted by Mrs. Fitzpatrick,
in the account she gave of her own story, with the fondness Mrs.
Western had formerly shewn for Mr. Fitzpatrick at Bath, from the
disappointment of which Mrs. Fitzpatrick derived the great
bitterness her aunt had expressed toward her. She had, therefore, no
doubt but that the good lady would as easily listen to the addresses
of Mr. Jones as she had before done to the other; for the
superiority of charms was clearly on the side of Mr. Jones; and the
advance which her aunt had since made in age, she concluded (how
justly I will not say), was an argument rather in favour of her
project than against it.
Therefore, when Jones attended, after a previous declaration of
her desire of serving him, arising, as she said, from a firm assurance
how much she should by so doing oblige Sophia; and after some
excuses for her former disappointment, and after acquainting Mr. Jones
in whose custody his mistress was, of which she thought him
ignorant; she very explicitly mentioned her scheme to him, and advised
him to make sham addresses to the older lady, in order to procure an
easy access to the younger, informing him at the same time of the
success which Mr. Fitzpatrick had formerly owed to the very same
stratagem.
Mr. Jones expressed great gratitude to the lady for the kind
intentions towards him which she had expressed, and indeed
testified, by this proposal; but, besides intimating some diffidence
of success from the lady's knowledge of his love to her niece, which
had not been her case in regard to Mr. Fitzpatrick, he said, he was
afraid Miss Western would never agree to an imposition of this kind,
as well from her utter detestation of all fallacy, as from her
avowed duty to her aunt.
Mrs. Fitzpatrick was a little nettled at this; and indeed, if it may
not be called a lapse of the tongue, it was a small deviation from
politeness in Jones, and into which he scarce would have fallen, had
not the delight he felt in praising Sophia hurried him out of all
reflection; for this commendation of one cousin was more than a
tacit rebuke on the other.
"Indeed, sir," answered the lady, with some warmth, "I cannot
think there is anything easier than to cheat an old woman with a
profession of love, when her complexion is amorous; and, though she is
my aunt, I must say there never was a more liquorish one than her
ladyship. Can't you pretend that the despair of possessing her
niece, from her being promised to Blifil, has made you turn your
thoughts towards her? As to my cousin Sophia, I can't imagine her to
be such a simpleton as to have the least scruple on such an account,
or to conceive any harm in punishing one of these haggs for the many
mischiefs they bring upon families by their tragi-comic passions;
for which I think it is a pity they are not punishable by law. I had
no such scruple myself; and yet I hope my cousin Sophia will not think
it an affront when I say she cannot detest every real species of
falsehood more than her cousin Fitzpatrick. To my aunt, indeed, I
pretend no duty, nor doth she deserve any. However, sir, I have
given you my advice; and if you decline pursuing it, I shall have
the less opinion of your understanding- that's all."
Jones now clearly saw the error he had committed, and exerted his
utmost power to rectify it; but he only faultered and stuttered into
nonsense and contradiction. To say the truth, it is often safer to
abide by the consequences of the first blunder than to endeavour to
rectify it; for by such endeavours we generally plunge deeper
instead of extricating ourselves; and few persons will on such
occasions have the good-nature which Mrs. Fitzpatrick displayed to
Jones, by saying, with a smile, "You need attempt no more excuses; for
I can easily forgive a real lover, whatever is the effect of
fondness for his mistress."
She then renewed her proposal, and very fervently recommended it,
omitting no argument which her invention could suggest on the subject;
for she was so violently incensed against her aunt, that scarce
anything was capable of affording her equal pleasure with exposing
her; and, like a true woman, she would see no difficulties in the
execution of a favourite scheme.
Jones, however, persisted in declining the undertaking, which had
not, indeed, the least probability of success. He easily perceived the
motives which induced Mrs. Fitzpatrick to be so eager in pressing
her advice. He said he would not deny the tender and passionate regard
he had for Sophia; but was so conscious of the inequality of their
situations, that he could never flatter himself so far as to hope that
so divine a young lady would condescend to think on so unworthy a man;
nay, he protested, he could scarce bring himself to wish she should.
He concluded with a profession of generous sentiments, which we have
not at present leisure to insert.
There are some fine women (for I dare not here speak in too
general terms) with whom self is so predominant, that they never
detach it from any subject; and, as vanity is with them a ruling
principle, they are apt to lay hold of whatever praise they meet with,
and, though the property of others, convey it to their own use. In the
company of these ladies it is impossible to say anything handsome of
another woman which they will not apply to themselves; nay, they often
improve the praise they seize; as, for instance, if her beauty, her
wit, her gentility, her good humour deserve so much commendation, what
do I deserve, who possess those qualities in so much more eminent a
degree?
To these ladies a man often recommends himself while he is
commending another woman; and, while he is expressing ardour and
generous sentiments for his mistress, they are considering what a
charming lover this man would make to them, who can feel all this
tenderness for an inferior degree of merit. Of this, strange as it may
seem, I have seen many instances besides Mrs. Fitzpatrick, to whom all
this really happened, and who now began to feel a somewhat for Mr.
Jones, the symptoms of which she much sooner understood than poor
Sophia had formerly done.
To say the truth, perfect beauty in both sexes is a more
irresistible object than it is generally thought; for, notwithstanding
some of us are contented with more homely lots, and learn by rote
(as children to repeat what gives them no idea) to despise outside,
and to value more solid charms; yet I have always observed, at the
approach of consummate beauty, that these more solid charms only shine
with that kind of lustre which the stars have after the rising of
the sun.
When Jones had finished his exclamations, many of which would have
become the mouth of Oroöndates himself, Mrs. Fitzpatrick heaved a deep
sigh, and, taking her eyes off from Jones, on whom they had been
some time fixed, and dropping them on the ground, she cried,
"Indeed, Mr. Jones, I pity you; but it is the curse of such tenderness
to be thrown away on those who are insensible of it. I know my
cousin better than you, Mr. Jones, and I must say, any woman who makes
no return to such a passion, and such a person, is unworthy of both."
"Sure, madam," said Jones, "you can't mean-" "Mean!" cries Mrs.
Fitzpatrick, "I know not what I mean; there is something, I think,
in true tenderness bewitching; few women ever meet it in men, and
fewer still know how to value it when they do. I never heard such
truly noble sentiments, and I can't tell how it is, but you force
one to believe you. Sure she must be the most contemptible of women
who can overlook such merit."
The manner and look with which all this was spoke, infused a
suspicion into Jones, which we don't care to convey in direct words to
the reader. Instead of making any answer, he said, "I am afraid,
madam, I have made too tiresome a visit;" and offered to take his
leave.
"Not at all, sir," answered Mrs. Fitzpatrick.- "Indeed I pity you,
Mr. Jones; indeed I do: but if you are going, consider of the scheme I
have mentioned- I am convinced you will approve it- and let me see you
again as soon as you can.- To-morrow morning if you will, or at least
some time to-morrow. I shall be at home all day."
Jones, then, after many expressions of thanks, very respectfully
retired; nor could Mrs. Fitzpatrick forbear making him a present of
a look at parting, by which if he had understood nothing, he must have
had no understanding in the language of the eyes. In reality, it
confirmed his resolution of returning to her no more; for, faulty as
he hath hitherto appeared in this history, his whole thoughts were now
so confined to his Sophia, that I believe no woman upon earth could
have now drawn him into an act of inconstancy.
Fortune, however, who was not his friend, resolved, as he intended
to give her no second opportunity, to make the best of this; and
accordingly produced the tragical incident which we are now in
sorrowful notes to record.