3. CHAPTER III.
The arrival of Mr. Western, with some matters concerning the
paternal authority
Mrs. Miller had not long left the room when Mr. Western entered; but
not before a small wrangling bout had passed between him and his
chairmen; for the fellows, who had taken up their burden at the
Hercules Pillars, had conceived no hopes of having any future good
customer in the squire; and they were moreover farther encouraged by
his generosity (for he had given them of his own accord sixpence
more than their fare); they therefore very boldly demanded another
shilling, which so provoked the squire, that he not only bestowed many
hearty curses on them at the door, but retained his anger after he
came into the room; swearing that all the Londoners were like the
court, and thought of nothing but plundering country gentlemen. "D--n
me," says he, "if I won't walk in the rain rather than get into one of
their hand-barrows again. They have jolted me more in a mile than
Brown Bess would in a long fox-chase."
When his wrath on this occasion was a little appeased, he resumed
the same passionate tone on another. "There," says he, "there is
fine business forwards now. The hounds have changed at last; and
when we imagined we had a fox to deal with, od-rat it, it turns out to
be a badger at last!"
"Pray, my good neighbour," said Allworthy, "drop your metaphors, and
speak a little plainer." "Why, then," says the squire, "to tell you
plainly, we have been all this time afraid of a son of a whore of a
bastard of somebody's, I don't know whose, not I. And now here's a
confounded son of a whore of a lord, who may be a bastard too for what
I know or care, for he shall never have a daughter of mine by my
consent. They have beggared the nation, but they shall never beggar
me. My land shall never be sent over to Hanover."
"You surprize me much, my good friend," said Allworthy. "Why,
zounds! I am surprized myself," answered the squire. "I went to zee
sister Western last night, according to her own appointment, and there
I was had into a whole room full of women. There was my lady cousin
Bellaston, and my Lady Betty, and my Lady Catherine, and my lady I
don't know who; d--n me, if ever you catch me among such a kennel of
hoop-petticoat b-s! D--n me, I'd rather be run by my own dogs, as one
Acton was, that the story-book says was turned into a hare, and his
own dogs killed un and eat un. Odrabbit it, no mortal was ever run
in such a manner; if I dodged one way, one had me; if I offered to
clap back, another snapped me. 'O! certainly one of the greatest
matches in England,' says one cousin (here he attempted to mimic
them); 'A very advantageous offer indeed,' cries another cousin (for
you must know they be all my cousins, thof I never zeed half o' um
before). 'Surely,' says that fat a-se b--, my Lady Bellaston,
'cousin, you must be out of your wits to think of refusing such an
offer.'"
"Now I begin to understand," says Allworthy; "some person hath
made proposals to Miss Western, which the ladies of the family
approve, but is not to your liking."
"My liking!" said Western, "how the devil should it? I tell you it
is a lord, and those are always volks whom you know I always
resolved to have nothing to do with. Did unt I refuse a matter of
vorty years' purchase now for a bit of land, which one o' um had a
mind to put into a park, only because I would have no dealings with
lords, and dost think I would marry my daughter zu? Besides, ben't I
engaged to you, and did I ever go off any bargain when I had
promised?"
"As to that point, neighbour," said Allworthy, "I entirely release
you from any engagement. No contract can be binding between parties
who have not a full power to make it at the time, nor ever
afterwards acquire the power of fulfilling it."
"Slud! then," answered Western, "I tell you I have power, and I will
fulfil it. Come along with me directly to Doctors' Commons, I will get
a licence; and I will go to sister and take away the wench by force,
and she shall ha un, or I will lock her up, and keep her upon bread
and water as long as she lives."
"Mr. Western," said Allworthy, "shall I beg you will hear my full
sentiments on this matter?"- "Hear thee; ay, to be sure I will,"
answered he. "Why, then, sir," cries Allworthy, "I can truly say,
without a compliment either to you or the young lady, that when this
match was proposed, I embraced it very readily and heartily, from my
regard to you both. An alliance between two families so nearly
neighbours, and between whom there had always existed so mutual an
intercourse and good harmony, I thought a most desirable event; and
with regard to the young lady, not only the concurrent opinion of
all who knew her, but my own observation assured me that she would
be an inestimable treasure to a good husband. I shall say nothing of
her personal qualifications, which certainly are admirable; her good
nature, her charitable disposition, her modesty, are too well known to
need any panegyric: but she hath one quality which existed in a high
degree in that best of women, who is now one of the first of angels,
which, as it is not of a glaring kind, more commonly escapes
observation; so little indeed is it remarked, that I want a word to
express it. I must use negatives on this occasion. I never heard
anything of pertness, or what is called repartee, out of her mouth; no
pretence to wit, much less to that kind of wisdom which is the
result only of great learning and experience, the affectation of
which, in a young woman, is as absurd as any of the affectations of an
ape. No dictatorial sentiments, no judicial opinions, no profound
criticisms. Whenever I have seen her in the company of men, she hath
been all attention, with the modesty of a learner, not the forwardness
of a teacher. You'll pardon me for it, but I once, to try her only,
desired her opinion on a point which was controverted between Mr.
Thwackum and Mr. Square. To which she answered, with much sweetness,
'You will pardon me, good Mr. Allworthy; I am sure you cannot in
earnest think me capable of deciding any point in which two such
gentlemen disagree.' Thwackum and Square, who both alike thought
themselves sure of a favourable decision, seconded my request. She
answered with the same good humour, 'I must absolutely be excused: for
I will affront neither so much as to give my judgment on his side.'
Indeed, she always shewed the highest deference to the
understandings of men; a quality absolutely essential to the making
a good wife. I shall only add, that as she is most apparently void
of all affectation, this deference must be certainly real."
Here Blifil sighed bitterly; upon which Western, whose eyes were
full of tears at the praise of Sophia, blubbered out, "Don't be
chicken-hearted, for shat ha her, d--n me, shat ha her, if she was
twenty times as good."
"Remember your promise, sir," cried Allworthy, "I was not to be
interrupted." "Well, shat unt," answered the squire; "I won't speak
another word."
"Now, my good friend," continued Allworthy, "I have dwelt so long on
the merit of this young lady, partly as I really am in love with her
character, and partly that fortune (for the match in that light is
really advantageous on my nephew's side) might not be imagined to be
my principal view in having so eagerly embraced the proposal.
Indeed, I heartily wished to receive so great a jewel into my
family; but though I may wish for many good things, I would not,
therefore, steal them, or be guilty of any violence or injustice to
possess myself of them. Now to force a woman into a marriage
contrary to her consent or approbation, is an act of such injustice
and oppression, that I wish the laws of our country could restrain it;
but a good conscience is never lawless in the worst regulated
state, and will provide those laws for itself, which the neglect of
legislators hath forgotten to supply. This is surely a case of that
kind; for, is it not cruel, nay, impious, to force a woman into that
state against her will; for her behaviour in which she is to be
accountable to the highest and most dreadful court of judicature,
and to answer at the peril of her soul? To discharge the matrimonial
duties in an adequate manner is no easy task; and shall we lay this
burthen upon a woman, while we at the same time deprive her of all
that assistance which may enable her to undergo it? Shall we tear
her very heart from her, while we enjoin her duties to which a whole
heart is scarce equal? I must speak very plainly here. I think parents
who act in this manner are accessories to all the guilt which their
children afterwards incur, and of course must, before a just judge,
expect to partake of their punishment; but if they could avoid this,
good heaven! is there a soul who can bear the thought of having
contributed to the damnation of his child?
"For these reasons, my best neighbour, as I see the inclinations
of this young lady are most unhappily averse to my nephew, I must
decline any further thoughts of the honour you intended him, though
I assure you I shall always retain the most grateful sense of it."
"Well, sir," said Western (the froth bursting forth from his lips
the moment they were uncorked), "you cannot say but I have heard you
out, and now I expect you'll hear me; and if I don't answer every word
on't, why then I'll consent to gee the matter up. First then, I desire
you to answer me one question- Did not I beget her? did not I beget
her? answer me that. They say, indeed, it is a wise father that
knows his own child; but I am sure I have the best title to her, for I
bred her up. But I believe you will allow me to be her father, and
if I be, am I not to govern my own child? I ask you that, am I not
to govern my own child? and if I am to govern her in other matters,
surely I am to govern her in this, which concerns her most. And what
am I desiring all this while? Am I desiring her to do anything for me:
to give me anything?- Zu much on t'other side, that I am only
desiring her to take away half my estate now, and t'other half when
I die. Well, and what is it all vor? Why, is unt it to make her happy?
It's enough to make one mad to hear volks talk; if I was going to
marry myself, then she would ha reason to cry and to blubber; but,
on the contrary, han't I offered to bind down my land in such a
manner, that I could not marry if I would, seeing as narro' woman upon
earth would ha me. What the devil in hell can I do more? I
contribute to her damnation!- Zounds! I'd zee all the world d--n'd
bevore her little vinger should be hurt. Indeed, Mr. Allworthy, you
must excuse me, but I am surprized to hear you talk in zuch a
manner, and I must say, take it how you will, that I thought you had
more sense."
Allworthy resented this reflection only with a smile; nor could
he, if he would have endeavoured it, have conveyed into that smile any
mixture of malice or contempt. His smiles at folly were indeed such as
we may suppose the angels bestow on the absurdities of mankind.
Blifil now desired to be permitted to speak a few words. "As to
using any violence on the young lady, I am sure I shall never
consent to it. My conscience will not permit me to use violence on any
one, much less on a lady for whom, however cruel she is to me, I shall
always preserve the purest and sincerest affection; but yet I have
read that women are seldom proof against perseverance. Why may I not
hope then by such perseverance at last to gain those inclinations,
in which for the future I shall, perhaps, have no rival; for as for
this lord, Mr. Western is so kind to prefer me to him; and sure,
sir, you will not deny but that a parent hath at least a negative
voice in these matters; nay, I have heard this very young lady herself
say so more than once, and declare that she thought children
inexcusable who married in direct opposition to the will of their
parents. Besides, though the other ladies of the family seem to favour
the pretensions of my lord, I do not find the lady herself is inclined
to give him any countenance; alas! I am too well assured she is not; I
am too sensible that wickedest of men remains uppermost in her heart."
"Ay, ay, so he does," cries Western.
"But surely," says Blifil, "when she hears of this murder which he
hath committed, if the law should spare his life--"
"What's that?" cries Western. "Murder! hath he committed a murder,
and is there any hopes of seeing him hanged?-Tol de rol, tol lol de
rol." Here he fell a singing and capering about the room.
"Child," says Allworthy, "this unhappy passion of yours distresses
me beyond measure. I heartily pity you, and would do every fair
thing to promote your success."
"I desire no more," cries Blifil; "I am convinced my dear uncle hath
a better opinion of me than to think that I myself would accept of
more."
"Lookee," says Allworthy, "you have my leave to write, to visit,
if she will permit it- but I insist on no thoughts of violence. I
will have no confinement, nothing of that kind attempted."
"Well, well," cries the squire, "nothing of that kind shall be
attempted; we will try a little longer what fair means will effect;
and if this fellow be but hanged out of the way- Tol lol de rol! I
never heard better news in my life- I warrant everything goes to my
mind.- Do, prithee, dear Allworthy, come and dine with me at the
Hercules Pillars: I have bespoke a shoulder of mutton roasted, and a
spare-rib of pork, and a fowl and egg-sauce. There will be nobody
but ourselves, unless we have a mind to have the landlord; for I
have sent Parson Supple down to Basingstoke after my tobacco-box,
which I left at an inn there, and I would not lose it for the world;
for it is an old acquaintance of above twenty years' standing. I can
tell you landlord is a vast comical bitch, you will like un hugely."
Mr. Allworthy at last agreed to this invitation, and soon after
the squire went off, singing and capering at the hopes of seeing the
speedy tragical end of poor Jones.
When he was gone, Mr. Allworthy resumed the aforesaid subject with
much gravity. He told his nephew, "He wished with all his heart he
would endeavour to conquer a passion, in which I cannot," says he,
"flatter you with any hopes of succeeding. It is certainly a vulgar
error, that aversion in a woman may be conquered by perseverance.
Indifference may, perhaps, sometimes yield to it; but the usual
triumphs gained by perseverence in a lover are over caprice, prudence,
affectation, and often an exorbitant degree of levity, which excites
women not over-warm in their constitutions to indulge their vanity
by prolonging the time of courtship, even when they are well enough
pleased with the object, and resolve (if they ever resolve at all)
to make him a very pitiful amends in the end. But a fixed dislike,
as I am afraid this is, will rather gather strength than be
conquered by time. Besides, my dear, I have another apprehension which
you must excuse. I am afraid this passion which you have for this fine
young creature hath her beautiful person too much for its object,
and is unworthy of the name of that love which is the only
foundation of matrimonial felicity. To admire, to like, and to long
for the possession of a beautiful woman, without any regard to her
sentiments towards us, is, I am afraid, too natural; but love, I
believe, is the child of love only; at least, I am pretty confident
that to love the creature who we are assured hates us is not in
human nature. Examine your heart, therefore, thoroughly, my good
boy, and if, upon examination, you have but the least suspicion of
this kind, I am sure your own virtue and religion will impel you to
drive so vicious a passion from your heart, and your good sense will
soon enable you to do it without pain."
The reader may pretty well guess Blifil's answer; but, if he
should be at a loss, we are not at present at leisure to satisfy
him, as our history now hastens on to matters of higher importance,
and we can no longer bear to be absent from Sophia.