12. CHAPTER XII.
In which the Man of the Hill continues his history
"I had now regained my liberty," said the stranger; "but I had
lost my reputation; for there is a wide difference between the case of
a man who is barely acquitted of a crime in a court of justice, and of
him who is acquitted in his own heart, and in the opinion of the
people. I was conscious of my guilt, and ashamed to look any one in
the face; so resolved to leave Oxford the next morning, before the
daylight discovered me to the eyes of any beholders.
"When I had got clear of the city, it first entered into my head
to return home to my father, and endeavour to obtain his
forgiveness; but as I had no reason to doubt his knowledge of all
which had past, and as I was well assured of his great aversion to all
acts of dishonesty, I could entertain no hopes of being received by
him, especially since I was too certain of all the good offices in the
power of my mother; nay, had my father's pardon been as sure, as I
conceived his resentment to be, I yet question whether I could have
had the assurance to behold him, or whether I could, upon any terms,
have submitted to live and converse with those who, I was convinced,
knew me to have been guilty of so base an action.
"I hastened therefore back to London, the best retirement of
either grief or shame, unless for persons of a very public
character; for here you have the advantage of solitude without its
disadvantage, since you may be alone and in company at the same
time; and while you walk or sit unobserved, noise, hurry, and a
constant succession of objects, entertain the mind, and prevent the
spirits from preying on themselves, or rather on grief or shame, which
are the most unwholesome diet in the world; and on which (though there
are many who never taste either but in public) there are some who
can feed very plentifully and very fatally when alone.
"But as there is scarce any human good without its concomitant evil,
so there are people who find an inconvenience in this unobserving
temper of mankind; I mean persons who have no money; for as you are
not put out of countenance, so neither are you cloathed or fed by
those who do not know you. And a man may be as easily starved in
Leadenhall-market as in the deserts of Arabia.
"It was at present my fortune to be destitute of that great evil, as
it is apprehended to be by several writers, who I suppose were
overburthened with it, namely, money."- "With submission, sir," said
Partridge, "I do not remember any writers who have called it
malorum; but irritamenta malorum. Effodiuntur opes, irritamenta
malorum."- "Well, sir," continued the stranger, "whether it be an
evil, or only the cause of evil, I was entirely void of it, and at the
same time of friends, and, as I thought, of acquaintance; when one
evening, as I was passing through the Inner Temple, very hungry, and
very miserable, I heard a voice on a sudden hailing me with great
familiarity by my Christian name; and upon my turning about, I
presently recollected the person who so saluted me to have been my
fellow-collegiate; one who had left the university above a year, and
long before any of my misfortunes had befallen me. This gentleman,
whose name was Watson, shook me heartily by the hand; and expressing
great joy at meeting me, proposed our immediately drinking a bottle
together. I first declined the proposal, and pretended business, but
as he was very earnest and pressing, hunger at last overcame my pride,
and I fairly confessed to him I had no money in my pocket; yet not
without framing a lie for an excuse, and imputing it to my having
changed my breeches that morning. Mr. Watson answered, 'I thought,
Jack, you and I had been too old acquaintance for you to mention
such a matter.' He then took me by the arm, and was pulling me
along; but I gave him very little trouble, for my own inclinations
pulled me much stronger than he could do.
"We then went into the Friars, which you know is the scene of all
mirth and jollity. Here, when we arrived at the tavern, Mr. Watson
applied himself to the drawer only, without taking the least notice of
the cook; for he had no suspicion but that I had dined long since.
However, as the case was really otherwise, I forged another falsehood,
and told my companion I had been at the further end of the city on
business of consequence, and had snapt up a mutton-chop in haste; so
that I was again hungry, and wished he would add a beef-steak to his
bottle."- "Some people," cries Partridge, "ought to have good
memories; or did you find just money enough in your breeches to pay
for the mutton-chop?"- "Your observation is right," answered the
stranger, "and I believe such blunders are inseparable from all
dealing in untruth.- But to proceed- I began now to feel myself
extremely happy. The meat and wine soon revived my spirits to a high
pitch, and I enjoyed much pleasure in the conversation of my old
acquaintance, the rather as I thought him entirely ignorant of what
had happened at the university since his leaving it.
"But he did not suffer me to remain long in this agreeable delusion;
for taking a bumper in one hand, and holding me by the other, 'Here,
my boy,' cries he, 'here's wishing you joy of your being so honourably
acquitted of that affair laid to your charge.' I was thunderstruck
with confusion at those words, which Watson observing, proceeded thus:
'Nay, never be ashamed, man; thou hast been acquitted, and no one
now dares call thee guilty; but, prithee, do tell me, who am thy
friend- I hope thou didst really rob him? for rat me if it was not a
meritorious action to strip such a sneaking, pitiful rascal; and
instead of the two hundred guineas, I wish you had taken as many
thousand. Come, come, my boy, don't be shy of confessing to me: you
are not now brought before one of the pimps. D--n me if I don't
honour you for it; for, as I hope for salvation, I would have made
no manner of scruple of doing the same thing.'
"This declaration a little relieved my abashment; and as wine had
now somewhat opened my heart, I very freely acknowledged the
robbery, but acquainted him that he had been misinformed as to the sum
taken, which was little more than a fifth part of what he had
mentioned.
"'I am sorry for it with all my heart,' quoth he, 'and I wish thee
better success another time. Though, if you will take my advice, you
shall have no occasion to run any such risque. Here,' said he,
taking some dice out of his pocket, 'here's the stuff. Here are the
implements; here are the little doctors which cure the distempers of
the purse. Follow but my counsel, and I will show you a way to empty
the pocket of a queer cull without any danger of the nubbing cheat.'"
"Nubbing cheat!" cries Partridge: "pray, sir, what is that?"
"Why that, sir," says the stranger, "is a cant phrase for the
gallows; for as gamesters differ little from highwaymen in their
morals, so do they very much resemble them in their language.
"We had now each drank our bottle, when Mr. Watson said, the board
was sitting, and that he must attend, earnestly pressing me at the
same time to go with him and try my fortune. I answered he knew that
was at present out of my power, as I had informed him of the emptiness
of my pocket. To say the truth, I doubted not from his many strong
expressions of friendship, but that he would offer to lend me a
small sum for that purpose, but he answered, 'Never mind that, man;
e'en boldly run a levant' [Partridge was going to inquire the
meaning of that word, but Jones stopped his mouth]: 'but be
circumspect as to the man. I will tip you the proper person, which may
be necessary, as you do not know the town, nor can distinguish a rum
cull from a queer one."
"The bill was now brought, when Watson paid his share, and was
departing. I reminded him, not without blushing, of my having no
money. He answered, 'That signifies nothing; score it behind the door,
or make a bold rush and take no notice.- Or- stay,' says he; 'I will
go down-stairs first, and then do you take up my money, and score
the whole reckoning at the bar, and I will wait for you at the
corner.' I expressed some dislike at this, and hinted my
expectations that he would have deposited the whole; but he swore he
had not another sixpence in his pocket.
"He then went down, and I was prevailed on to take up the money
and follow him, which I did close enough to hear him tell the drawer
the reckoning was upon the table. The drawer past by me up-stairs; but
I made such haste into the street, that I heard nothing of his
disappointment, nor did I mention a syllable at the bar, according
to my instructions.
"We now went directly to the gaming-table, where Mr. Watson, to my
surprize, pulled out a large sum of money placed it before him, as did
many others; all of them, no doubt, considering their own heaps as
so many decoy birds, which were to intice and draw over the heaps of
their neighbours.
"Here it would be tedious to relate all the freaks which Fortune, or
rather the dice, played in this her temple. Mountains of gold were
in a few moments reduced to nothing at one part of the table, and rose
as suddenly in another. The rich grew in a moment poor, and the poor
as suddenly became rich; so that it seemed a philosopher could nowhere
have so well instructed his pupils in the contempt of riches, at least
he could nowhere have better inculcated the incertainty of their
duration.
"For my own part, after having considerably improved my small
estate, I at last entirely demolished it. Mr. Watson too, after much
variety of luck, rose from the table in some heat, and declared he had
lost a cool hundred, and would play no longer. Then coming up to me,
he asked me to return with him to the tavern; but I positively
refused, saying, I would not bring myself a second time into such a
dilemma, and especially as he had lost all his money and was now in my
own condition. 'Pooh!' says he, 'I have just borrowed a couple of
guineas of a friend, and one of them is at your service.' He
immediately put one of them into my hand, and I no longer resisted his
inclination.
"I was at first a little shocked at returning to the same house
whence we had departed in so unhandsome a manner; but when the drawer,
with very civil address, told us, believed we had forgot to pay our
reckoning,' I became perfectly easy, and very readily gave him a
guinea, bid him pay himself, and acquiesced in the unjust charge which
had been laid on my memory.
"Mr. Watson now bespoke the most extravagant supper he could well
think of; and though he had contented himself with simple claret
before, nothing now but the most precious Burgundy would serve his
purpose.
"Our company was soon encreased by the addition of several gentlemen
from the gaming-table; most of whom, as I afterwards found, came not
to the tavern to drink, but in the way of business; for the true
gamesters pretended to be ill, and refused their glass, while they
plied heartily two young fellows, who were to be afterwards
pillaged, as indeed they were without mercy. Of this plunder I had the
good fortune to be a sharer, though I was not yet let into the secret.
"There was one remarkable accident attended this tavern play; for
the money by degrees totally disappeared; so that though at the
beginning the table was half covered with gold, yet before the play
ended, which it did not till the next day, being Sunday, at noon,
there was scarce a single guinea to be seen on the table; and this was
the stranger as every person present, except myself, declared he had
lost; and what was become of the money, unless the devil himself
carried it away, is difficult to determine."
"Most certainly he did," says Partridge, "for evil spirits can carry
away anything without being seen, though there were never so many folk
in the room; and I should not have been surprized if he had carried
away all the company of a set of wicked wretches, who were at play
in sermon time. And I could tell you a true story, if I would, where
the devil took a man out of bed from another man's wife, and carried
him away through the keyhole of the door. I've seen the very house
where it was done, and nobody hath lived in it these thirty years."
Though Jones was a little offended by the impertinence of Partridge,
he could not however avoid smiling at his simplicity. The stranger did
the same, and then proceeded with his story, as will be seen in the
next chapter.