University of Virginia Library

I know you will forgive me for disregarding your earnest
request that I would not write to you myself just for this one time.
I assure you I will be doubly careful in other respects not to use
my eyes too freely, and really this morning I have felt as if I must
write to you with my own hands to thank you for the dear kind letters
you have sent me during your absence. It seems to me that all I say
is so cold and indifferent through another person and cam afford you
but little satisfaction when it reaches you, except by informing you
merely that we are all safe. Instead of returning home with pa I
concluded to remain a week or ten days with Grandma, and so did not
get home until this morning, unattended by any one but Elizabeth &
the baby. Indeed I could not have come well with pa, as they hired a
hack which was heavily loaded as it was. With my usual thoughtlessness
I did not think until a few days since that you would expect me
to be at home, and therefore suffered a good deal from disappointment
as day by day the stages would come in and bring no letter for
me. I could not help sometimes fearing something had happened to you,
and could only quiet myself by banishing the idea and reflecting that
God was as near to protect you afar off, as when we were side by
side, and that he would surely restore you to me in his own good
time. I cannot tell you how much I long to have you with me again,
but you must not think from that, that I am dissatisfied and unhappy.
On the contrary I have been generally blesses with some degree of
cheerfulness ever since we parted. I try to think always of the few
short weeks to elapse before your return, and it is a source of continual
gratification to me to remember that your wishes for a tour
of the kind are at last fulfilled. Still I count the days and weeks
as I never do when you are with me, and Oh! will it not be happiness
to us both to meet again? I did not forget our wedding day, but
thought of you and prayed for you with feelings of peculiar affection
at that time. In reviewing our married life I see much to mourn over
and regret in my conduct, and as you express somewhat the same feelings,
it cannot be a very wrong conclusion to arrive at that we have
both erred. However that may be, one thing I am sure of, that our
love has a fine foundation in the very depths of both our hearts,
which nothing I am convinced can ever shake, however the imperfections
of our nature may sometimes produce coldness and even apparent
unkindness of feeling. God strengthen and help us both to perform
our duties to one another by the aid of his spirit through whom alone
we can do anything aright! Eliza has not forgotten you. Yesterday I
asked her whom she was going home to see, and getting no immediate
reply I commenced, Charley, Jack, and before I could go on she said
with her sweet little voice "papa". I suppose she missed you and
thought you must be at home. I had to get her some powders and get
Dr. Gordon to cut her gums in Harrisonburg and now she is looking
much better, I think, although still more peevish & self willed than
formerly. Elizabeth however has been sick almost constantly since

you left, and now has the asthma very badly. Indeed she can lift
Eliza no better if as well as I can, and if she does not improve I
hardly know what we can do. Your father very kindly promised to send
for me as soon as I got here, so that the carriage may come any day.
Lucy very kindlt offered before I proposed it to go with me instead
of Elizabeth, who might stay at home and try to recruit. If I can
get them a message I shall ask them not to send for me until the
middle or last of next week, and one plan which has occurred to me
is to stay out at Morven until you get home. I am almost sure that
you would wish to pay them a visit of a few days at least on your return,
and I cannot bear the idea of your going away from me again
even for a day, and if I get home once more I suppose it would be impossible
for me to ride that distance again. They would certainly
send for you as soon as you get to Charlottesville, but perhaps you
would be too tired to go out and it may not suit you otherwise. Whatever
you wish I am perfectly ready to do, I just thought I would ask
your opinion of that plan, devised probably by my own selfishness.
Try to see Mr. Hunt in your travels and give him my love. Remember
me to Mr. Venable too, I am very glad you have his companionship. It
pained me, my dearest, to hear in your last letter that you were
sick. I trust you are entirely recovered by this time. It makes me
anxious however to hear from you again. Would you believe it! After
just gotting 4 letters at once I was so unconscionable as to hope for
one today, it seems as if I scarcely deserved what I have, to wish
for more in half a day. It puts me in mind of Eliza's perpetual "mo"
"mo" at Rawley. I do not know whether you will be inclined to laugh
or scold when I tell you that I have opened another of Mr. Pleasant's
confidential letters, dated July 20th. I did it this time too in perfect
innocence, although he had taken the precaution to write "Private"
distinctly on the back. Being rather anuunusual thing to proclaim
that a letter contains secrets on the outside, and having besides
no postage stamp, with my usual heedlessness I hastily concluded
that it had not come by mail but by private opportunity, overlooking
entirely the postmark "Richmond". A curious missive it is too.
The sum of it is that he was at the University the 29th and had no
time to come to see you. He asks your advice whether he shall give up
his favourite profession & marry a lady whom he loves although poor.
In short he wishes you again to look out for a professorship for him,
as his sister no longer needs him in Richmond. He says a subordinate
position such as at Mr. Coleman's would not suit him. I found among
the papers, cards to Mary Fleming's marriage to Mr. Schooler, which
is to take place the 8th of this month. When Eliza is in a good humour
she hugs & kisses me for papa, and is sweeter than ever. When I
got home it looked so desolate without you I could scarcely help crying,
but then the letters cheered me almost immediately. Pa even is
not at home. God bless and keep my beloved husband.