 | Berkeley papers |  |
I intended writing to you last week, but was in one of my
absent moods & forgot to write in time for the mail. I am so
much oblige to you for your kind letters, would that I could
write oftener to you in order to get them more frequently. I must
tell you tho' Sister that I thought the time long-very long between
my last & your answer. When one is due me from you I expect
it very anxiously, forgetting all my shortcomings when in debt to
you. I really feared that I had said something which had offended
you, & that you wd. not write again, but after reflecting I felt
sure that if I had said any thing offensive you would have written
the sooner for an explanation. Sister sometimes I am filled with
feelings of desperation & say & do things which in my calmer moments
cause me much distress & if I should ever say or do anything
calculated to wound or offend I pray-I beseech you think nothing
of it-for mercy's sake pass it by unnoticed. I was going to tell
you some of my sufferings of mind but I will not trouble you. God
only knows what my fate will be. I sometimes trust in the mercy &
goodness of God, or at least try to do so, & hope to obtain pardon
& justification & even sanctification through the death & glorious
resurrection of our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ, but at other times.
I may say nearly all the time, gloom, deep gloom & darkness pervade
my soul. Oh pray for me-ask for nothing for me but deliverance from
sin-that lost & ruined as I am, I may fall in the arms of my Saviour,
& have a bright & full assurance that he is my Saviour &
that I am received of him. This is all I ask. Give me this & sustaining
grace & I can cheerfully resign my all into his hands, &
then I shall have all that I desire.
I have not heard from over the mountains for two weeks.
When we last heard Aunt Baxter was very ill & I fear greatly to
hear the next tidings from her. Poor old lady she has had much
affliction in this life & I trust by it she has been purified-yea
refined even as fine gold and made more mete to join with those
who have gone up through great tribulations. I hope to hear from
them by tomorrow's mail, & that she is better. Should she be taken
now, Mother would I fear not survive long. What a selfish creature
I am, Oh may I be forgiven all.
I saw merely a notice of Mrs. McCarty's death in the Charlottesville
paper; but was not sure 'twas your friend until I received
your letter. What a comfort to her husband & friends to
have such an assurance of her having exchanged the cares and sufferings
of this life for the never fading joys of heaven. What else
is there worth living for? The joys and pleasures of this world
soon dio-friends fail & return to their mother dust, & poor frail
creatures how could we live even here, say nothing of hereafter,
without the comfort of Religion. Was Mrs. McCarty a member of any
church?
We are much concerned about our dear brother Gibson. He has
been extremely ill of Pneumonia for two weeks-his life was despaired
of; but during the last few days, his symptoms are more favourable
& we are hoping (almost against hope) that he will recover.
He is aware of his danger & says if he goes he will go in peace.
'Tis said that Mr. Littleton (his colleague) is in Richmond very
ill of the same disease. I hope to hear soon of his convalescence.
Truly is God sending his judgments through the land.
When I commenced I thought I would write only a note, but
have filled my sheet with I scarcely know what, & there is
much unsaid that I would like to say-but enough for the
present.
My love to Maria, Mary, Brother, Messrs Broadus &
Smith & all. I hope to see you soon, but I cant say when-exactly
when. I forgot to say before that I have been suffering
very much of late, consulted Dr. Henderson-he advises
me to consult Dr. Howard. I am very anxious to see him. All
unite with me in sending love to you & family. The children
are both asleep.
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