59. LIX.
AFFERISIMS.
I suppoze the reazon why wimmin are so fast talkers,
is bekause tha dont hav tew stop tew spit on
their hands.
After Joseph's bretheren had beat him out ov hiz
cut ov menny cullers, what did tha dew nex? Tha
pittied him!
Thare is nothing in this life that will open the
pores ov a man so mutch, as tew fall in luv, it makes
him fluent as a tin whissell, as limber as a boy's watch
chain, and as perlite as a dansing master; his harte
is as full ov sunshine as a hay field, and there aint any
more guile in him than there is in a stik ov merlasses
candy.
Thare dont seem tew be enny end tew the ambishun
ov men, but thare is one thing that sum ov them
will find out if tha ever dew get tew heaven, and that
is tha cant git enny further.
He who kan hold awl he gits, kan most generally
git more.
Conshense, is onla another name for truth.
Yu kant alwus tell a gentleman by his clothes, but
yu kan bi his finger nails.
Adam invented “Luv at first sight,” one ov the
gratest laber saving masheens the world ever saw.
It is a grave question whether, in curtailing superfluitys
in these hard times, we have a moral right tew
cut oph a dorg's tale tew save the expense ov boarding
it.
Are Greenbacks a lawful tender? If yu dont believe
it tri one on me, espeshila one ov the heavy
ones.
Dont never parade yure good luck, nor yure bad
luck before men, the first will make them think less
ov
yu, and the second will make them think more of
themselves.
Thare are a grate multitude ov individuals who are
like blind mules, anxious enough to kick, but kant
tell whare.
I hav herd a grate deal ced about “broken hartes,”
and thare may be a fu ov them, but mi experiense is
that nex tew the gizzard, the harte is the tuffest peace
ov meat in the whole critter.
