University of Virginia Library

4. CHAP. IV.

THE Captain had consoled himself
with the idea that Teague was now
cured of his folly, and would no more be
disposed to entertain notions of ambition,
and unreasonable projects. He was disappointed
in his hope; for that very evening,
the Irishman washing down the recollection
of his woes with some exhilerating
drink, and though not intoxicated, but
enlivened only, he came to the Captain:
Said he, Dear master, what would your
anour think, if a poor sharvant should
turn lawyer; and get a half joe when a
customer comes to consult him in the
morning? would it not be better than
currying a horse, and tratting about like
a big dog; with no sense to live like a
man of fartune, and have a big house over
his head, and books about him, and
take half joes from paple that come to him
about their quarrels and batings, through

de town, and sending dem aff as wise as
if dey never had come to him, and de
great spectacles, to look like a blind man,
dat was blind before he was born, and
could see more than two or three other
paple, for all dat; and was a canjurer,
and a wizzard, and could take money for
nating. Would it not be better, master,
than tratting like a fool, and disputing wid
paple, and having nating to lay up; but
be as poor as a church mouse, or a rat, all
the days of our life, and paple laugh after
us when we are gone.

The Captain was thrown into a reverie
of thought, by the speech of the bog-trotter;
reflecting, that his presumption
and folly was incurable; for, notwithstanding
all that had been said to him, or
suffered by him, his natural propensity remained
the same; according to the maxim—
Naturam expellas bufurca, usque recurret;
You may toss out nature with a
pitchfork, she will still come back upon
you. Not so much from any further view
of reclaiming him, as from indignation,
and resentment, against his presumption,
the Captain projected, in his mind, a farther
means of chastising him. He had
heard of a work-house, in this city, into

which refractory servants are committed,
and put to hard labour; such as pounding
hemp, grinding plaister of Paris, and picking
old ropes into oakum. He resolved to
have the raggamuffin put into this a while.
Counterfeiting, therefore, an approbation
of his project of becoming lawyer, doubtless,
said he, the profession of the law is a
profitable business, where money is very
easily got, by the bare breath of the
mouth. Nevertheless, it requires time and
study to qualify for this profession. Nay,
the introduction to the study, by being
put under an eminent lawyer, in full practice,
is itself very expensive. An hundred
pistoles is sometimes the fee. This I could
not very well afford; but I have an acquaintance
in this town, who, I am persuaded,
would be willing to oblige me,
and will take less. I will call upon him
early to-morrow, and settle the contract.

Accordingly the next day, calling on
the keeper of the work-house, he gave him
an account of his refractory servant, and
with a gratuity of a couple of guineas, obtained
his consent, to take the bog-trotter
under his direction, and give him a few
lessons in picking oakum, and grinding
plaister of Paris, and pounding hemp, not

withholding, in the mean time, a seasonable
application of the cowskin, in the intervals
of study of these several branches of the
law. For the idea was to be imposed upon
Teague, that this was an office, or as
it were an inn of court, or chamber of
the Inner Temple; and that the several
flagellations, and grindings, and poundings,
were so many lessons, and lectures,
to qualify him for the practice of the law.

It happened, fortunately, that the keeper
of the work-house was well qualified
for the task; for, in early years, he had
been put an apprentice to an attorney, and
had some opportunity of attending courts,
and hearing the names of books to which
the advocates referred in their pleadings;
but having a turn for extravagance, and
a dissolute manner of life, he had come to
poverty, and, through various scenes, to
jail. There, by address, he had gained
the good will of the jailor's daughter,
whom he married; and, by the interest of
his new father-in-law, having obtained his
liberation, he was, from acting as deputy
jailor, in a series of time, at length promoted
to be the keeper of this work-house.
Indeed, from his employment, being acquainted
with the prisoners, and finding

himself sometimes interested in their fate,
and being led to attend their trials, he
had, even in his last capacity, been a good
deal about courts, and heard law phrases
and books mentioned.

Accordingly, when Teague was introduced,
which was that very afternoon, he
had, at his command, the names of the
abridgers, and reporters, and commentators
of the law, and the technical terms in
the commencement and process of a suit;
so that, when the key was turned, and,
after having stript him of the linen doublet
that was upon him, he began to give
him the first application of the cowskin,
he told him this was reading Wood's Institutes;
and when, after this, he was sentenced
to an hour or two's hard labour,
at grinding plaister of Paris, this was called
Coke upon Littleton; and when the employment
was varied, pounding hemp, or
picking oakum, it was called Hawkin's
Pleas of the crown, or Foster, or 4th
Blackstone, &c. When the poor bog-trotter,
reduced to a skeleton, living on
bread and water, complained of the hard
usage, and offered himself a servant for
life, to curry horses and brush boots, to
any Christian creature that would take him

out of that place; he was told, that, as he
had begun the study of the law, he must
go through with it; that that was but the
commencement of the suit; that in a year's
time he would learn to file a declaration;
in another, to put in a plea; in a third,
to join issue; and in a fourth, to conduct
a trial; that unless a bill of exceptions
had been filed, or there was a motion, in
arrest of judgment, or a writ of error
brought, he might be admitted the fifth,
and begin to practice the sixth year: At
all events, provided he would submit himself,
with due application, to fasting, and
cowskinning, and grinding plaister of Paris,
pounding hemp, and picking oakum,
he might be a lawyer the seventh year,
and wear spectacles, like counsellor Grab,
and take half a joe when he thought proper.

I know not by what simile to represent
the howl of the Irishman, at this prospect of
the duration of his woes. It was like that
of a wolf at the bottom of a well, or a
dog that had lost his master, or a cow
her comrade, or some forlorn wanderer
that has missed the way, and given up all
hopes of being extricated from the wilderness.
At the various applications of the

cowskin, he had jumped, and cursed, and
swore, and prayed, and beseeched, and
promised a thousand services, of currying
horses, and brushing boots, and trotting
where ever he was ordered, provided they
would set him at liberty. When employed
at the hard labour, before mentioned,
he had groaned, and cursed the law, the
counsellor, and the half joe. Ah, thought
he, if my dear master, the Captain, knew
how hard a ting it was to study law, and
to fast widout ating or drinking, and be
bate wid a cow-skin, he would not have
given the hundred pistoles, nor the half
of it, to have had me kicked and cuffed
in dis manner: I would give body and
shoul into the bargain, if I could see him
once more at that iron gate there, to spake
to him, and besache him to take me out
of this purgatory. He was a good master;
and when I was a fool, and wanted to be
a member of Congress, and prache, and
be a phalosophar, he told me, Teague,
you are a fool; and what they would do
wid me there; how they would bate me,
and ate me, and take de skin aff my back,
and make a cow or a shape od me; and
now I am worse than a cow or a shape,
or a horse in de tame; for I am cut, and
curried, black and blue; till my flesh is
raw, and a cholic in my belly, wid fasting;
and all to stoody dis law. The devil take
counsellor Grab, and de half joe.