University of Virginia Library

3. CHAP. III.

JUST at this moment a waiter coming
in, told him there was a person without,
that is, in the bar room, who wished
to speak with him. Going out, who should
strike his optics, but Teague.

The fact was, being elated with the success
of his performance on the stage, attributing
that to art which was nature itself,
he had counted more upon his accomplishments
than he ought to have done,
and had made advances to the mistress of
the manager, who was also an actress, and
not greatly coveting an amour with the
bog-trotter, made a merit of the circumstance,
to induce an opinion of fidelity, and
informed the manager of the presumption
of the Irishman. The manager in the
most unbecoming manner, without either
citation, examination, trial, conviction,
or judgment, but laying aside all forms of
law, had instituted an original process of

himself, and laying hold of a horse-whip,
had applied this implement to the back and
shoulders of Teague, and as the Irishman
made an effort of resistance at the first onset,
the manager had been under the necessity,
by turning the but end of the whip,
to knock him down, which he did by a
stroke above the left eye-brow, which not
only bereft him of senses for the present,
but a discolouration of the eye for some
days, and a scar probably his whole life
after.

It was this incident had induced him
to leave the theatre, and brought him
back to the Captain, whom he now accosted
in the following manner: Dear master,
for the love of shalvation, forgive a poor
sharvant that has been killed this marning
with a great cudgel, just for nothing at all,
but not plasing a damned whore, that
wanted me to stale the manager's cloathing,
and go off wid her. This is all that
a poor sharvant gets by being hanest; but
by shant Patrick, and the holy crass, it is
what I deserve for leaving the sarvice of
a good master, as your anour, and taking
up with bog-tratters, and stage players,
that would sooner take a cup of wine than
the holy sacrament, and get drunk every

night in de wake, and go to de devil
head foremost; but if your honour, dear
master, will forgive the past, and my running
away, and laving you, I will come
back again, and sarve you to the day of
judgment, or any langer time that your
honour plases, and clane your boots and
spurs, and rub down the bay harse; the
poor old crature, how aften I have tought
of him when I was in my rambles and he
was a slape, laste they should chare him of
his oats, and give him nather hay nor
straw to ate; for I always liked to take
care of a good harse, and a good master;
and aften tought of your honour, when
I was among the bog-tratters of the stage,
and gave you a good name, and was always
talking of you and forgot my part,
and put the managers in a passion, who
fell upon me, and bate me like a dog.

The Captain saw the inconsistency in the
relation; one while alleging the tale bearing
of the mistress, as the occasion of it;
again, a deficiency in the recital of his
part; but expecting no truth from the Irishman,
cared very little how it came to
pass. The principal thing that occupied
his thoughts, was whether to receive the
bog-trotter, or dismiss him. He reflected

with himself on the trouble he had had
with him, on his various pretensions to
advancement; his uneasiness of mind, and
fatigue of body, for several days past, in
examining stews, methodistical conventicles,
rumaging philosophical societies, attending
elections, and listening to the debates
of Congress, to see if he could any
where observe his physiognomy, or distinguish
his brogue. He could not think
of subjecting himself to such uncertainty
in the attendance of any servant, with such
preposterous ideas, as being a legislator,
philosopher, &c. Again, he considered,
that probably this last chastisement he had
received, might have a good effect, in curing
him of the freaks of his ambition;
and a mind broken and reduced by disappointment,
is in a mellow state, and more
capable of receiving the seeds of good advice,
than a mind full of vanity or pride,
that has never yet received blows. Deliberating
on these grounds, his humanity
prevailed, and he determined to receive the
raggamuffin into favour.

This being settled, and learning from
the Irishman in what manner he had been
inveigled, and drawn away by the manager,
to go upon the stage; and that it was

only because Teague had made advances
to a woman that was a whore already,
that the manager had made such an attack
upon his person, he wished to punish him,
if it should appear to be within the province
of the law to do it. Accordingly,
inquiring what principal lawyer there was
in that city, was informed of a certain counsellor
Grab. Taking Teague with him,
he set out to consult this gentleman.
Counsellor Grab was in his office, amongst
large shelves of books, or shelves of large
books; not, as the Latins say, Co-opertus,
aut obrutus, sed comitatus libris; that is,
In the midst of his books. He had on a
pair of spectacles, not so much on account
of age, as to make the client believe that
he laboured under a premature want of
sight, from much reading; or, because a
pair of lenses, magnifying the organs of
vision, gives the appearance of a larger eye,
which has a good effect on the person consulting,
impressing the idea of a broader
view of things that are before it.

Entering, the Captain addressed himself
to the counsellor, and gave him the outlines
of the injury done to Teague; The
counsellor, in the mean time, suspending
his reading in a large book, which he had

before him, printed in Saxon letter, and
raising his head, until the glasses of his
spectacles were brought to bear upon the
physiognomy of the Captain.

The Captain having finished his account,
referred him to Teague, the subject
of the battery, for a a more particular
detail of the circumstances. Teague was
glad of the opportunity of speaking before
a learned lawyer, and was beginning to
give a relation of the whole affair; but
the Captain stopped him, bidding him wait
until the lawyer should himself request him
to begin. The lawyer was silent: after
having reconnoitered with his glasses, one
while the Captain, another while Teague,
he dropped his optics, and began to read
again. The Captain, thinking he had not
been sufficiently understood, recommenced
the narration, and gave an account of
what he himself had suffered from the inveigling
and detaining his servant, and
the visible injury which the servant himself
had sustained. The lawyer was still
silent; and, though he had eyed him while
speaking, as a Tuscan astronomer would
the moon, yet he applyed himself again to
the reading the black letter, that was before
him.

The Captain thought it strange treatment;
and was, for some time, at a loss
to know what to think of the matter. But
recollecting, opportunely, that the circumstance
of a fee had been omitted, he took
out his purse, and threw down two dollars.
The lawyer seemed a little moved,
but cast his eye again upon the black letter.
Finding the two dollars not sufficient,
the Captain threw down two more.
The counsellor raised his head from the
book, and you might discern some dilitation
of the muscles of the face, as bespeaking
an approaching opening of the
voice; but still there was silence; and
might have been to this hour, had not the
Captain recollected, at this moment, what
he had all along forgot, that half a joe
was the fee of a lawyer. Doubling, therefore,
the four dollars that were already
down, the lawyer came to his voice, the
organs of his speech were loosed, and taking
the glasses from his eyes, he gave his
counsel as follows:

Said he, You have a double remedy in
this case; against the manager who inveigled,
and against the servant himself:
Against the servant, on the act of Assembly,
if indented; at common law, on the

contract to serve. For even a servant at
will, and not engaged for any special
time, is not at liberty to desert the service
of his master, without reasonable notice
first given. So that you may have your
remedy against the servant, in the first
instance, by bringing the matter before
the court of quarter sessions; and having
time put upon him, as the phrase is, for
this dereliction of your service; or, an
action on the contract, express or implied,
as the case may be, wherein he shall repair,
in damages, the loss sustained.

The bog-trotter was alarmed at the idea
of an action against him; and looking
wistfully at his master, exclaimed; Dear
master, will you trow de law upon me,
dat am as innocent as a shild unborn; and
would go to death and damnation for you.
Dear master, I suffered enough by de cudgel
of dat player, for all de running away
I have done; and, God love your shoul,
keep de law in its own place, and not let
it come acrass a poor sharvant, that has
nathing but as he works and trats about;
but let dese grate big books of his honour
de lawyer, spake to de manager, for his
deceiving a poor sharvant, and putting it
in his head to run away, and lave a good

master; and his beating him with a grate
cudgel into the bargain.

I have no desire, said the Captain, to
pursue the bog-trotter; as he has made
acknowledgments for his fault; but would
want the utmost rigour of the law to be
put in force against the player.

You have also in this case a double remedy,
said the counsellor; by prosecution
on the part of the servant, and on your
part. Nay, the servant himself has a double
remedy; for he may prosecute by indictment,
or bring his action of assault
and battery; or both. I would recommend
the action only; because, where no indictment
is prosecuted, and the civil action
only brought, exemplary damages may be
given, as well as reparatory. For in the
civil action, it will affect the minds of a
jury, that the party has already suffered all
that is in the nature of punishment by a
criminal proceeding; and nothing remains
with them, but to give reparatory damages.
On the part of the master, two kinds
of action may be brought; either an action
of trespass, vi et armis, laying a perquod
servitium amisit; or simply an action
on the case, for the consequential damage
of inveigling the servant.

As to the number of remedies said the
Captain, or the kind of them, I care very
little how many there are, or what they
are; I want only a good remedy; give
me a good swingeing one against the rascal,
and I care very little what it is called.

I shall then, said the counsellor, advise
simply an action on the case; and count generally
on the inveigling, and detaining,
and rendering unfit for service while in
his power. In this mode, the whole circumstances
of the injury may be brought
together, and summed up into one point
of view; and enhancing the quantum of damages,
can expatiate on the value of your
servant, and the special occasion you had
for his service, at this particular juncture;
for I make no doubt he is a valuable servant;
and that it has been an almost irreparable
injury to you, to have been defrauded
of his service at this time.

As to his value, said the Captain, there
can be no doubt, not only as a servant,
but in other respects. I have been offered,
or at least I suppose I could have got, an
hundred pounds for him, to be a member
of Congress, or to preach, or to go to
the Philosophical Society, or to be an Indian
treaty-man; but have refused every

proposal made him, or me, for these purposes;
and now to have him kidnapped,
and taken off, without fee or reward, and
employed as an actor, and beat, and rendered
useless, at least for some time, into
the bargain, is too much for any man to
put up with. If there is law in the land, let
it be put in force; and this man made
an example.

The counsellor had no need of spectacles,
to give himself the appearance of a
glaring and broad look, on this occasion;
for the words of the Captain made him
stare sufficiently, without the aid of a magnifying
medium, to enlarge his optics.
He began to take him for a madman;
at least, in some degree, deranged in his
brain; to talk of his servant being in request
for a member of Congress, and the
like.

Yes, continued the Captain, he not only
inveigled away a servant, that was
thought fit to be a member of Congress,
and a preacher, and an Indian treaty-maker,
and a philosopher, and what not;
but has kept me, these three days, trotting
after him, and trying to find him, at election
places, and in Congress boarding-houses,
and the hall where they have their

debates, and churches, and pulpits, and
chambers of philosophical societies, and
professorships, and where not; to see if
I could find him; while this manager had
him, in the mean time, at rehearsals,
teaching him the art of mimickry, for the
stage.

The counsellor, in the mean time, had
reflected with himself, that, whether madman,
or no madman, the Captain had
money, and might be a good client, let
his cause be what it would; and so composing
the muscles of his face, seemed to
agree with him; and observe, that doubtless
the quality and capacity of the servant
would be taken into view, in estimating
the damages: That, if it appeared he was
not only fit stuff for a servant; but to be
advanced to such eminent offices as these,
not only the inveigling the embryo legislator,
preacher, and philosopher; but the
assaulting and beating him, and, by that
means, disabling him from immediate service,
must be viewed in the light of an
atrocious injury, and insure a verdict accordingly.

Very well, said the Captain; and I shall
wish to have the matter determined as
speedily as possible, as I may be but a few

days in town; and, besides, as the marks
are yet apparent on the face, and, I suppose,
back, of the bog-trotter, it will appear
to the judges, and jury, without the
trouble of witnesses, what damage he has
sustained.

The process of law, said the counsellor,
is tedious, but certain; you cannot expect
a trial, in this case, until the 3d or 4th
term; that is, nine months, or a year.

How so, said the Captain? Because, said
the counsellor, it is now two months, or
upwards, before the court to which the
writ will be returnable. Even if a declaration
is then filed, the defendant may
imparl until the succeeding term, which
is three months; when if there is no demurer
general or special, a rule to plead
will be taken, which may not be put in
until the succeeding term of three months
again: At this term, if there is no replication,
rejoinder, surrejoinder, rebutter,
or surrebutter, to draw up and file,
while the defendant may crave a term, issue
will be joined, and at the next term
trial. But even after a verdict, there may
be the delay of a term, on a motion for a
new trial depending; so that in the law

there is delay; but this delay is the price
of justice.

It is a price, said the Captain, that I
will not give for it. If you will bring it
about in a short time to have this fellow
flogged, even with half the stripes he has
given my servant, I shall not think the
half joe thrown away; but to be a year or
half a year about the business, is putting
the matter so far off, that it may as well
be omitted altogether. If you could only
get him sentenced to take a kick or two
from my foot, or Teague's, before we leave
the city, I should be satisfied.

The lex talionis, said the counsellor,
makes no part of our law. You can punish
only in estate, not in person, for a
simple assault and battery, as this is. Do
you not hang a man for murder, said the
Captain; and why not punish personally for
an assault and battery? Because it is our
law, said the counsellor; and, in a civil
action, the object is damages.

A civil action, and damages, are strange
phrases, said the Captain; how can civility
and damages, be reconciled.

These are technical terms, said the
counsellor, which persons, not of the prosession,
are at loss to understand; but

have, in themselves, a distinct and sensible
meaning.

Let the terms mean what they will, said
the Captain, it all comes to this at last—
There is no getting at the manager, under
a year, or two year's race for it; before
which time, Teague will have forgot
the abuse he has received, and I my trouble
in running after a strayed Irishman,
through this city; and, therefore, it may
be as well to give the matter up, and sit
down with the loss.

That as you please, said the counsellor;
and putting on his spectacles, cast his eye
again upon the black letter.

The Captain, without bidding him kiss
his backside, beckoned to Teague to follow
him, and withdrew from the chamber.

Having retired; Teague, said the Captain,
this thing of law has been well said
to be a bottomless pit. The way to it is
like that to the shades;

This pettifogger seemed to have a thousand
remedies at his command, and yet
none that would serve us; as the redress,
if any, is to be postponed to such a distant
day. I have heard a great deal of these
cattle, and I believe they are best off that
have least to do with them. They have
so much jargon of technical terms, that
the devil himself cannot understand them.
Their whole object is to get money; and,
provided they can pick the pocket of half
a joe, they care little about the person
that consults them. The first loss is the
best; you had better put up with the currying
you have got, than have my pocket
picked, on pretence of redress a year or
two hence, which may, perhaps, prove a
century.

Teague was contented to put up with
the drubbing, and have no more said about
it.