University of Virginia Library

5. BOOK V.

1. CHAP. I.

RETURNING to his lodging, he
could not help reflecting by the way,
that probably poor Teague, mortified by
repeated disappointments, in going to
Congress, being suffered to preach, or be
a member of the Philosophical Society;
and what might afflict him still more, the
not marrying the rich hostess, who had
made him overtures, might, in his despair
of ever coming forward in any respectable
capacity in life, have suspended himself
from a beam, or plunged into the river,
and have put an end to his existence;
which, should it be the case, being in
some measure accessary to this catastrophe
of the bog-trotter, by dissuading from these
several pretensions, he could not acquit

himself of guilt; at all events, he would
feel great pain and sorrow.

Such were his reflections for a great
part of this day; and had thought of putting
an advertisement in the paper, to
know if any dead body had been lately
discovered; or inquisition held on a young
man, with red hair, and a long leg, who
had been missing some days, and was supposed
to have hung or drowned himself.
But in the evening, meditating thus, mention
being made by some of the lodgers,
of going to hear the annual oration, delivered
before the Philosophical Society,
by a member; it struck his mind, that
possibly Teague, falling in with some of
this body, had been induced by them to
take a seat, and might be present on that
occasion. Not hesitating, therefore, he
seconded the proposal of going; and offered
to be of the party.

Coming to the hall, the philosophers
were seated; but a black member sat with
a taper before him, who, it seems, was
to deliver the oration.

The fact was this; A gentleman of Maryland
of the name of Gorum, had sent
to the society, some time before, a curiosity
found by one of his negroes in the

mud of Wye river, on the banks of which
his seat was. It appeared to be a stone,
with a cavity sufficient to receive a man's
foot, and was adjudged by the society to
be an Indian's petrified moccason. The
singularity of the discovery, well intitling
the gentleman to a seat, he was invited;
but sending his compliments, he gave
them to understand, that Cuff, (for that
was the name of the negro) was more intitled
to that honour than he was, being
the person who had found the curiosity;
and as he made it a point to do his slaves
justice in any perquisite of their own, he
could not think of robbing one, on this occasion
of any honour, to which he might
be introduced by this discovery.

The society approved his honesty, and
fair dealing; and by unanimous ballot,
admitted the negro; who, having been a
member some time, had been appointed,
to pronounce the annual oration. Cuff, a
good deal disconcerted in hearing of the
task imposed upon him, had applied to
his master to know what to say. Colonel
Gorum attending a good deal to literary
matters, had heard of an oration delivered
before the society, the object of which was
to prove that the Africans had been once

white, had sharp noses, and long hair;
but that by living in sun-burnt climates,
the skin had changed colour, the hair become
frizzled, and in the course of generation,
the imagination of the mother, presenting
obtuse objects, had produced an offspring
with flat noses. He therefore gave
Cuff to understand, that it would be doing
no more than justice to his countrymen, for
he was a Guinea negro, if he should avail
himself of this occasion to prove that men
were all once black, and that by living in
snowy countries, and being bleached by
the weather, the skin had gradually become
white, and the hair moist and long, and
the imagination presenting prominent objects
to the mothers, or the fathers differing
among themselves, and pulling one another
by this part, had given the long and
pointed nose.

Cuff, thus prepared, set out; having arrived,
and being on this occasion to harangue,
began as follows:

The Oration.

Massa shentiman; I be cash crab in de
Wye riva: found ting in de mud; tone,
big a man's foot: hols like to he; fetch

Massa: Massa say, it be de Indian moccason.—O!
fat de call it; all tone. He say,
you be a filasafa, Cuff: I say, O no, Massa;
you be de filasafa. Wel; two tree
monts afta, Massa call me, and say, You
be a filasafa, Cuff, fo' sartan: Getta ready,
and go dis city, and make grate peech for
shentima filasafa. I say, Fat say? Massa:
Massa say, somebody say, dat de first man
was de site man; but you say, dat de first
man was de black a-man. Vel, I set out
out: come along: Massa gi me pass. Some
say, where you go, Cuff? I say, dis city, be
a filasafa. O no, Cuff, you be no filasafa:
call me fool, gi me kick i'de backside;
fall down, get up again, and come
to dis city.

Now, shentima, I say, dat de first man
was de black a man, and de first woman
de black a woman; an get two tree children;
de rain vasha dese, an de snow
pleach, an de coula come brown, yella,
coppa coula, and, at de last, quite fite;
an de hair long; an da fal out vid van anoda;
and van cash by de nose, an pull;
so de nose come lang, sharp nose.

Now I go home, Massa shentima; an
tel grate Massa, dat make peech, an ibedy
body vas da; an den Cuff fin a more

tings—cabs, oysta, cat-fish, bones, tones,
ibedy ting; sen to you, shentima.

The oration being ended, the Society
could do no less than appoint a committee
to wait on Mr. Cuff, and request a copy
of his oration, that it might be published.

But the Captain, in the mean time, had
examined, with great attention, the whole
audience; but could not discover Teague.
Departing, therefore, with the rest, his
thoughts recurred to his first idea, viz.
that the unfortunate creature had committed
suicide. Drawing up, therefore, an
advertisement, he sent it to a daily paper;
but, though it appeared next morning,
and the day elapsed, there was no word of
Teague.

2. CHAP. II.

THERE is no fact that has proved
more stubborn than the diversity of
the human species; especially that great
extreme of diversity in the natives of Africa.
How the descendants of Adam and
Eve, both good looking people, should
ever come to be a vile negro, or even a
mulatto man or woman, is puzzling.

Some have conjectured, that a black
complexion, frizzled hair, a flat nose, and
bandy legs, were the mark set on Cain,
for the murder of his brother Abel. But,
as the deluge drowned the whole world,
and only one family was saved, the blacks
must have all perished; like the Mammoth,
whose bones are found on the
Ohio, and other places, which was too big
for Noah to get into the ark.

Some suppose, that it was the curse pronounced
upon Canaan, the son of Noah,
for looking at his father's nakedness. They
got rid by this means of the difficulty of

the flood; but by Moses' own account,
the Canaanites were the descendents of
Canaan; and we do not hear of them being
negroes; which, had it been the case,
we cannot doubt would have been laid hold
of by the Israelites, as a circumstance to
justify their extirpating, or making slaves
of them.

Lord Kames, in his Sketches of the History
of Man, solves the difficulty, by supposing,
that, at the building of Babel,
there was a confusion of complexions, as
well as languages. But, besides that it is
not to be supposed, that the historian would
pass over so material a circumstance, without
particularly mentioning it, it is introducing
a miracle, which we are not warranted
in doing, unless it had been expressly
laid down to have been wrought.

The last theory, has been that of accounting
for the change, from the climate,
and accident of wind and weather;
calling in aid, in the mean time, the imagination
of the mothers. This does not appear
altogether satisfactory. At least, there
are those who would not be averse to hear
some other solution of the difficulty. I
have thought of one, which I would suggest
with great diffidence; the authors of those

before me being great men, and their hypothesis
not lightly overthrown.

I am of opinion that Adam was a tall,
straight limbed, red haired man, with a fair
complexion, blue eyes, and an aquiline
nose; and that Eve was a negro woman.

For what necessity to make them both
of the same colour, feature, and form,
when there is beauty in variety. Do not
you see in a tulip, one leaf blue, and another
white, and sometimes the same leaf
white and red?

As God made Adam in his own likeness,
so it is to be supposed, that Adam
begat some in his; and these were red
haired, fair complexioned, blue eyed, proportionably
featured boys and girls; while,
on the other hand, some took after the
mother, and became negro men and women.
From a mixture of complexion, the
offspring, at other times, might be a shade
darker, in one case, than the father; and
a shade lighter, in another case, than the
mother; and hence, a diversifyed progeny,
with a variety of features; from the
bottle-nose to the mire-snipe; which is that
of the people in the west of Ireland; and
from the auburn of the Corsican hair, to
the golden locks of the Caledonian beauty;

and from the black eye, to the hazle
and the grey.

It may be asked, How at the flood?
when Noah, his wife, his three sons, and
their wives, eight persons, only were saved?
It is but giving some of the sons negro
wenches for their wives, and you have the
matter all right.

3. CHAP. III.

AS I have said, the day passed over, and
there was no word of Teague. In
the evening, as it was usual with the gentlemen
at the Indian Queen, to go to some
place for the amusement of an hour or
two; mention being made of a celebrated
preacher, a Universalist, as he was called;
that is, one who preaches the doctrine of
universal salvation; it was proposed to go
to hear him, as he was to hold forth that
evening. The Captain readily consented;
and it struck him, that, as this was a new
fangled doctrine, and the preacher had
made a great noise; and as it was a
doctrine that, conscious of a good deal of
fornication, would naturally please Teague,
it was not impossible but the Irishman
might have become a disciple of this reformist,
and be at his conventicle.

Coming in amongst the crowd, and obtaining
seats, they saw the preacher ascend
the pulpit, and, after the preliminary exercise

of psalms and prayer, take a text,
and begin his sermon.

His text was taken from one of those
passages of scripture, which speaks of “the
lion lying down with the kid, and the tyger
with the lamb;” which have been interpreted
of the Millenium; but were applied
by him, to that period, when, as
the sea shall give up her dead, so hell shall
give up her damned; and the devil himself
shall come to lick salt out of the hand
of an angel.

Enlarging on this doctrine, and supporting
it with a variety of proofs from
scripture, and arguments from reason, he
seemed to have brought the matter to a
point; answering all objections, and closing
in with the hearer. At this stage, using
that figure of oratory, which is usual in
the pulpit, of asking questions, and pressing
for an answer, but expecting none;
he would say, Is not this conclusive? Is it
not evident? Is there any here can advance
an argument against it? Will any of you
speak—I pause for an answer?

Mr. M`Donald, in the mean time, (the
Scotch gentleman; who happened to be
there,) thinking him really serious, and
that he wanted an answer; or taking advantage

of the pause, and the interrogation,
to speak his mind, leaning over the
front of a back seat, made reply:

Why, said he, I like the doctrine well
enough, and ha' na' disposition to o'erthrow
it. I dinna muckle care if there
ware na' hell ava. If ye could make that
out, I wad rather hear it, than o' being
smoaked twa' or three thousand years in
the devil's nuke, or singed wi' his burnt
brimstone, even if we should get out afterwards.
Ye need na' put yoursel in a
passion, or be flee'd that you'll no get proselytes;
for I shall warrant you, as many
every night as ye can weel stow awa i' the
conventicle.

The preacher giving thanks to God for
the success in his ministry, in the remarkable
conversion of the man who spoke, the
Scotch gentleman said again; Ye need
na ca' it a conversion; for I ha' been o'
the same opinion a' my life; that it was a
sare thing to bide the kiln of hell, and
they wad deserve muckle thanks wha could
establish that we should na' stay long in it,
or that there was na' such place ava.

The preacher commenting upon this,
observed that some were orthodox from
their birth, like Jeremiah, who was sanctified

in his mother's womb; but others
were hardly brought to the truth, with
much teaching and instruction. That the
present was a happy instance of one who
was in the right way from his very early
years.

The Captain in the mean time, had been
thinking of the doctrine; and thought it
reasonable to suppose, that the Almighty
might relieve after some time, and let the
damned devils go. Just as with himself at
present in the case of Teague; if he had
got his hands on the bog-trotter, he could
not help being very angry, and would be
disposed to punish him with great severity;
but after some time he knew his passion
would subside, and he would forget his
delinquencies.

Teague in this manner running in his
head, as the people, after some epilogue of
prayer and benediction, being dismissed,
were retiring, he got up, and raising his
voice, begged the audience to detain a
little. — Good people, said he, if any of
you should come across a young man, a
servant of mine, of the name of Teague
O'Regan, I shall thank you to send me notice
to the Indian Queen, where I lodge.
And, according to the advertisement in

this day's paper, I will give two dollars
reward.

Thinking him deranged in his brain,
they proceeded, and took no notice of the
proclamation.

4. CHAP. IV.
Containing Observations.

IN the infancy of Christianity it was
thought a hard matter to get to heaven;
and that when once in hell, there
was no geting out. A certain father of
the church, of the name of Origen, was
the first to be more liberal in his sentiments,
and thought, that after a certain
period, there would be a jail-delivery of
the damned. I do not know that he went
so far as to let the devils themselves out
upon a furlough; but at the present time,
we all know very well, that the time will
come, when they will be out all together;
at least the universalists tell us this, and
prove it.

The doctrine was received in some part
by the early councils; but in other parts
rejected. The matter was compounded
by establishing a purgatory; for not consenting
to liberate from hell, in order to

satisfy the advocates of a temporary punishment,
they fixed up a middle place,
where all the advantages of penal purgation
could be enjoyed, without the necessity
of contradicting the eternity of hell
torments.

Indeed under the catholic church, the
strait gate, and the narrow way, and the
many called, and few chosen, was a good deal
laid aside, and the road made pretty plain
by indulgencies and absolutions. But at
the reformation, the matter was brought
back to its old bed again, and the cry of
their being but a remnant saved, was raised
in every pulpit. There has been some
relaxation of late years with almost every
sect of Protestants; and there is not just
such a fury of tumbling great crowds into
the tolbooth, as there was in the days of
John Knox, and the framers of the Westminster
confession of faith, and catechisms.
Dr. Bellamy, a New-England divine, some
years ago, stated in his pamphlet, that the
damned would be to the saved, as the malefactors
of a country to honest people that
came to an untimely end by jail or gibbet.
Some now preach boldly, not perhaps a
total exemption, from future punishment,
but a final restoration from it; so that the

matter is now brought nearly to what it
was in the days of Origen. I do not know
that I would be of opinion with the
Scotch gentleman, and wish the matter
carried farther, establishing that there is
no hell at all; because if the thing should
take a turn, it might go to the other extreme,
and be all hell; so that none should
be saved; and instead of universal salvation,
we should then have the doctrine of
the damnation of the whole, bodily.

5. CHAP. V.

THE next day, revolving every thing
in his mind, it occurred to the Captain,
that the Irishman might have gone
out of town, hearing of an election at a
district, and have been elected to Congress.
As that body was then sitting, he thought
it could be no great trouble to go to the
house, and cast an eye from the gallery,
and see if the raggamuffin had got there.
There was one that had a little of the
brogue of Teague upon his tongue, but
nothing of his physiognomy; others had a
good deal of his manner; but there was
none that came absolutely up to the physic
of his person.

However, being here, the Captain tho't
it not amiss to listen a while to the debates
upon the carpet. A certain bill was
depending, and made, it seems, the order
of the day. Mr. Cogan being on the floor,
spoke:—Sir, said he, addressing himself to
the chair, the bill in contemplation, is, in

my opinion, of a dangerous tendency. I
will venture to foretel, that, if it goes into
a law, the cows will have fewer calves,
and the sheep less wool; hens will lay
fewer eggs, and cocks forget to crow day-light.
The horses will be worse shod, and
stumble more; our watches go too slow;
corns grow upon our toes; young women
have the stomach ach; old men the gout;
and middle aged persons fainting fits. The
larks will fall dead in the field; the frogs
croak till they burst their bags; and the
leaves of the trees fall before the autumn.
Snow will be found in the heat of harvest,
and dog days in winter. The rivers will
revert; and the shadows fall to the east in
the morning. The moon will be eclipsed;
and the equinoxes happen at a wrong season
of the year. Was it not such a bill
as this, that changed the old stile; that
made the eclipse in the time of Julius Cesar;
that produced an earthquake at Jamaica,
and sunk Port Royal? All history,
both ancient and modern, is full of
the mischiefs of such a bill. I shall, therefore,
vote against it.

Mr. Bogan was now on the floor, and
advocated the good effects of the bill.

Sir, said he, addressing himself to the

chair, I appear in support of the bill. I
say, it will have a good effect on the physical
world especially. The ducks will be
fatter, the geese heavier, the swans whiter,
the red-birds sing better, and partridges
come more easily into traps. It will kill
rats, muzzle calves, and cut colts; and
multiply the breed of oysters, and pickle
cod-fish. It will moderate the sun's heat, and
the winter's cold; prevent fogs, and cure
the ague. It will help the natural brain;
brace the nerves, cure sore eyes, and the
cholic, and remove rheumatisms. Consult
experience, and it will be found, that
provisions of the nature proposed by this
bill, have an astonishing influence in this
respect, where they have been tried. I must
take the liberty to say, the gentleman's
allegations are totally unfounded; and he
has committed himself, in the matter of his
history; the earthquake in Jamaica, not
happening in the time of Julius Cesar; and
therefore could have nothing to do with
the eclipse of the sun. I shall, therefore,
vote in favour of the bill.

Mr. Cogan rose to explain; and said,
that he did not say, that the earthquake at
Jamaica, was at the same time with the

clipse of the sun, which happened at the
birth of Julius Cesar.

Mr. Bogan rose to correct the gentleman:
It was not at the birth of Julius
Cesar, but at his death, that the earthquake
happened.

Mr. Hogan was on the floor: Said, he
thought he could reconcile the gentlemen
on that head. It was well known Julius
Cesar lived about the time of the rebellion
in Scotland; a little after Nebuchadnezzar,
king of the Jews. As to the earthquake,
he did not remember what year it happened;
and therefore could say nothing about
it.

At this period, the question being called,
it was put, and carried by a majority
of 25.

The Captain, satisfied with this sample
of Congressional debates, retired, and came
to his lodging.

6. CHAP. VI.

IT was about three or four o'clock in
the afternoon, that some one, who had
read the advertisement respecting Teague,
came to the Captain, and informed him,
that a person, answering the description,
had been lately employed to teach Greek
in the University. Struck with the idea,
that the bog-trotter might have passed himself
for a Greek scholar, whereas he understood
only Irish, he set out to the University,
to make enquiry. Knocking at
the door of the principal, he was admitted;
and, being seated, addressed him as
follows: Said he, sir, a pedeseque of mine,
(for talking to the rector of a college, he
did not chuse to use the vulgar terms, waiter,
or bog-trotter,) a pedeseque of mine,
whom I have found useful, save that he is
somewhat troublesome in pretending to
places of appointment for which he is not

qualified; a thing, by the bye, too common
in this country; where men, without
the aid of academic knowledge, thrust
themselves into places requiring great
learning and ability: (This he said to
slatter the man of letters; as if a man could
know but little, that had not been forged
or furbished at his school): I say, this pedeseque
of mine, has absconded for some
days; and I have been able to collect no
account of him until last evening, that a
person, having read an advertisement of
mine in the gazette, came to me, and informed,
that one, answering the description
I had given, both as to appearance
and accomplishments, had been lately employed,
as professor of the Greek language,
in this University. Now, though I well
know this Pady, as I may call him, to understand
no Greek; yet, as he speaks Irish,
and has much assurance, and little
honesty in matters where his ambition is
concerned, I did not know, but he might
have imposed himself upon you, for a
Greek scholar, and obtained a professorship.

The principal made answer, that it was
true that a person from Ireland had been
lately employed in that capacity; and that

should he be discovered to be an inpostor,
it would be using the university very ill.
The Captain thought so too; and taking
it for granted that it was Teague, expressed
his surprise that they had not examined
him, before he was admitted; or at
least had such proof by letters as would
have had ascertained his being qualified.
The principal observed, that as to examination
they had no one at hand to examine,
as there were none of the trustees
or professors of other branches in the university
understood Greek; as for himself
he did not, having not studied it in early
life, and for a series of years, having giving
himself to politics and mathematics;
so that unless they could send out for a
Roman Catholic priest, or a Scotch clergyman,
there was none to examine. The
improbability of any person passing himself,
above all things, for a master of the
Greek language on the score of understanding
Irish, was such, that it never came into
their heads to suspect it, so as to demand
letters.

Had you known said the Captain, this
bog-trotter of mine, (here he forgot the
word pedeseque) as well as I do, you
would not be surprised at his attempting

any thing; and that he should be now in
your academy giving Greek lectures, understanding
nothing but the vernacular
tongue of his own country. Here he gave
an account of his setting up for Congress,
&c. as explained in the preceding
part of this narrative.

However, wishing to see the raggamuffin
that he might unkennel him, he was
accompanied by the principal to the chamber
of the pseudo professor, considering as
he went along, in what manner he should
accost him; whether he should break out
upon him with a direct invective, or with
ironical words; such as, Mr. Professor,
you must be a very learned man, not only
to understand Irish, but Greek: but perhaps
the Greek and Irish language are
much the same. It must be so; for I know
that a few days ago, you did not understand
a word of this, and to acquire a dead
language in such a short time would be impossible,
unless the living tongue was a
good deal a-kin to it. But I had never
understood that Irish had any more affinity
to the language of Athens and Sparta,
than the Erse, or the German, or the
Welch; however, we must live and learn,

as the saying is; you have shewn us what
we never knew before.

Conning a speech of this sort in his own
mind, with a view to divert the principal,
and amuse himself with Teague, he entered
the chamber of the professor; who sat
in an elbow chair with Thucidydes before
him.

What was the surprise of the Captain
to find that it was not Teague.

In fact, it was a person not wholly unlike
him, especially in a hinge of the
brogue which he betrayed in his discourse;
for though the professor was really a man
of education, having been early sent to St.
Omer's, where he had studied, being intended
for a priest, and understood not
only the Greek, and Latin, but spoke
French; yet in the pronunciation of the
English tongue, he had that prolongation
of the sound of a word, and articulation
of the vowel O, which constitutes what
is vulgarly called the brogue, as being
the pronunciation of the native Irish; who
being a depressed people, are most of them
poor, and wear a kind of mean shoe, which
they call a brogue.

After an apology to the professor for
mistaking him for a certain Teague O'Regan,

whom he had in his employment,
at the request of the professor, the principal
and the Captain took seats.

The professor said, His name was not
O'Regan, being O'Dougherty; but he
knew the O'Regans very well in Ireland.
There was a Pady O'Regan in the same
class with him at St. Omer's, when he read
Craike. That he was a good scholar, and
understood Craike very well; and he would
be glad if he was over in this country to
tach Craike here; it appeared to be a very
scarce language; but he had become a
praste, and was now a missionary to Paraguay,
in Sout-America.

The Captain punning on his pronunciation
of the word Greek; and willing to
amuse himself a little with the professor,
could not help observing, that he was under
a mistake, as to the scarceness of the
Craike language in these States. That
there were whole tribes who spoke the
Craike language; there was that of the
heron, and the raven, and several other
fowls. A German professor, who was present,
apprehending the Captain to be under
a mistake, and willing to correct him,
observed—It is, said he, the Creek language,
that the professor means. As to

that, said the Captain, it is also spoken
plentifully in America. There is a whole
nation of Indians, on the borders of South
Carolina and Georgia, that speak the Creek
language; men, women, and children.

The professor knowing more of the classics
than of the geography of these United
States, and of the heathen gods more
than of the aborigines of this country, expressed
astonishment. If what you tell me
be a trut, said he, it is a crate discovery:
perhaps dese may have de fragments o' de
books o' de philosophers and poets that
are lost, and de professors cannot come
acrass in deir own countries; but I have
tought dat de Craike language was spoke
only in de Morea, and a little in Russia,
and Constantinople.

The Captain assured him, the principal
favouring the mistake, by a grave face,
and bowing as the Captain spoke, that it
was absolutely the vernacular language of
these people.

Why den, said the other, do dey not
get professors from amongst dese, to tache
Craike in deir Colleges?

Because, said the Captain, we have been
heretofore on hostile terms with these Indians;
and it is but of late that we have

made a peace. But now, it is to be presumed,
we shall have it in our power to
procure from them able teachers.

The professor was alarmed at this; as
supposing it would supercede the necessity
of his services; or, at least, much reduce
the price of his tuition. He could have
wished he had not come to this quarter of
the world; and was almost ready, in his
own mind, to bind up what he had, and
go back to Clogher.

So ended their visit to the University,
and the Captain withdrew.

7. CHAP. VII.
Containing an Anecdote.

IT may be thought a preposterous idea,
that it could, for a moment, be supposed
possible, that the pedeseque could
have had the assurance to pass himself for
a Grecian. But I had it from the Marquis
de la Luzerne, that a friend of his, who
was in some public capacity at Moscow;
and was entertained by a principal inhabitant
of the city, was asked by him, to visit
an academy, where the French language
was taught; and at which his son, a young
lad, then was. What was the surprise
of the gentleman, to find a Pady from
Cork, who understood not a single word of
French, or Latin, teaching an unknown
gibberish, which most probably was Irish?

8. CHAP. VIII.

OUR Chevalier was now at his wits
end; not being able to conceive of
any other place of amusement, in which
Teague might be found; when all at
once it came into his head, (led to it,
perhaps, from the reference, in his late
conversation, to the Indian tribes,) that
probably he might have fallen in with the
Indian treaty-man, and have been prevailed
upon to personate a chief. It appeared
to him therefore adviseable to go
directly to the secretary at war, to know
if any party of Indians had been lately
there to negociate a treaty.

Being introduced, and after some ceremony,
accosting the secretary, he gave
him to understand why it was that he had
the honour to wait upon him, viz. that he
had a servant of the name of Teague O'Regan,
an Irishman, who had been absent
some days, and that from a circumstance
which happened in the way to the city, he

had reason to suspect, he might have been
picked up by a certain Indian treaty-man,
to supply the place of a Welch blacksmith,
who had died, and had passed for a chief
of the Kickapoos.

The secretary was a good deal chagrined,
believing the Captain to be some wag that
had come to make this enquiry by way of
burlesque on the Indian treaties; and
with some irritation of mind, gave him
to understand, that there had been no Indian
treaty-man, or Kickapoo chief there;
that no treaty had been held with the Indians
for above a month past, since the
king of the Togamogans had drawn goods;
but treaty or no treaty, it ill became him
in the appearance of a gentleman, to throw
a burlesque upon government, by insinuating
that his Irishman could be imposed
upon them for a chief.

I mean no burlesque, said the Captain,
a little irritated in his turn; I have had too
much trouble to keep him from the Indian
treaty-man that was coming here, to be
disposed to jest with so serious an affair.
The hair-breadth escape of going to Congress,
or being licenced as a preacher, or
being chosen as a member of the philosophical
society, was nothing to this, as it

was so difficult to guard against it, the Indian
recruiters imitating savages, not only
in their dress and painting, but in the dexterity
to way-lay and surprise.

I wish youto know, sir, said the secretary,
that I comprehend your burlesque very
well. But though you and others may
misrepresent our policy in the Indian treaties,
it is base irony and ridicule to insinuate
that the Indians we treat with, are
not chiefs.

Chiefs, or no chiefs, said the Capain, I
am not saying, nor care; but only wish to
know if you have been instituting any
treaty with my Teague, who has been absent
some days.

I will be much obliged to you to withdraw
from my office, said the secretary.

I shall withdraw, said the Captain; and
not with that respect for your understanding
and politeness, which I could have
wished to entertain. I have addressed you
with civility; and I was entitled to a civil
answer; but I see the “insolence of office,”
is well enumerated, by the poet, amongst
the evils that make us sick of life. Your
humble servant Monsieur Secretary; I shall
trouble you no further.

9. CHAP. IX.

RETURNING to the Indian Queen,
a play bill, for the evening, had announced
the performance of the tragedy
of Macbeth, and a farce called the Poor
Solider. A party of the gentlemen, from
the public house, had taken a box; and
the Captain agreed to go with them to
the play. Having delivered their tickets,
and being admitted to the box, it struck
the Captain to cast his eye upon the pit
and galleries, and observe if he could any
way descry the physiognomy of Teague.
As before, when with the same view he
surveyed the members of Congress, he
could discover several that a good deal resembled
him; but yet not the identical
person. The curtain being now drawn
the play began. Nothing material occured
during the performance of the tragedy,
save that when the witches came in, there
was one in her cap and broomstick whose
features a good deal resembled the Irishman's,
and who, had she not been an old

woman and a witch, might have passed for
Teague. The Captain was struck with the
resemblance of feature, and long frame of
the bog-trotter, covered with a short gown
and petticoat; and borrowing a glass from
one that sat in the box with him, endeavoured
to reconnoitre more perfectly, and
could have sworn that it was the mother,
or sister of Teague, that had just came
from Ireland, and joined the company.

The tragedy being ended, the farce began
to be acted, and who should come forward
in the character of Darby, but the
long sought for Teague. The fact was,
he had before appeared in the tragedy, in
the character of an over-grown red-headed
witch. It was more natural for him to
appear in the character of Darby his own
countryman; for he spake with the brogue
naturally, and not by imitation. The managers
had had him all the while of his
absence from the Captain, under tuition,
teaching him his part, which was not difficult
to do; the manner and pronunciation
being already his own.

It was this had induced the managers to
take him up, as a substitute; the person
who actually played the part of Darby, being,
at this time, out of the way. As the

natural squal of a pig is superior to an imitation
of it; so it was allowed by the audiance,
that Teague exceeded the pseudo Irishman
that usually performed this part.
All were pleased but the Captain, whose
sense of propriety could scarcely restrain
him from throwing his cane at the begtrotter.
Thought he with himself, what
avails it that I prevented him from taking
a seat in a legislative body, or from preaching,
or being a philosopher; if after all,
he has relinquished my service, and turned
player; a thing, no doubt, fitter for him,
than the being a senator, or clergyman,
or philosopher; because he can appear in
some low character in the farce or comedy,
and come off tolerably enough. For though
amongst the dramatis personæ of learned
bodies, there are Tony Lumpkins, and
Darby M`Faddins in abundance, yet there
ought to be none; and Teague had better
be on the stage than in such capacities,
since he must be some where. But to
leave me without notice, after all my civilities
to him, is ungrateful, and deserves
all that I can say bad concerning him. I
shall give myself no farther trouble on this
head; but let him take his course. I must
endeavour to find another servant who can
supply his place.