University of Virginia Library

5. CHAP. V.

THE next day, revolving every thing
in his mind, it occurred to the Captain,
that the Irishman might have gone
out of town, hearing of an election at a
district, and have been elected to Congress.
As that body was then sitting, he thought
it could be no great trouble to go to the
house, and cast an eye from the gallery,
and see if the raggamuffin had got there.
There was one that had a little of the
brogue of Teague upon his tongue, but
nothing of his physiognomy; others had a
good deal of his manner; but there was
none that came absolutely up to the physic
of his person.

However, being here, the Captain tho't
it not amiss to listen a while to the debates
upon the carpet. A certain bill was
depending, and made, it seems, the order
of the day. Mr. Cogan being on the floor,
spoke:—Sir, said he, addressing himself to
the chair, the bill in contemplation, is, in

my opinion, of a dangerous tendency. I
will venture to foretel, that, if it goes into
a law, the cows will have fewer calves,
and the sheep less wool; hens will lay
fewer eggs, and cocks forget to crow day-light.
The horses will be worse shod, and
stumble more; our watches go too slow;
corns grow upon our toes; young women
have the stomach ach; old men the gout;
and middle aged persons fainting fits. The
larks will fall dead in the field; the frogs
croak till they burst their bags; and the
leaves of the trees fall before the autumn.
Snow will be found in the heat of harvest,
and dog days in winter. The rivers will
revert; and the shadows fall to the east in
the morning. The moon will be eclipsed;
and the equinoxes happen at a wrong season
of the year. Was it not such a bill
as this, that changed the old stile; that
made the eclipse in the time of Julius Cesar;
that produced an earthquake at Jamaica,
and sunk Port Royal? All history,
both ancient and modern, is full of
the mischiefs of such a bill. I shall, therefore,
vote against it.

Mr. Bogan was now on the floor, and
advocated the good effects of the bill.

Sir, said he, addressing himself to the

chair, I appear in support of the bill. I
say, it will have a good effect on the physical
world especially. The ducks will be
fatter, the geese heavier, the swans whiter,
the red-birds sing better, and partridges
come more easily into traps. It will kill
rats, muzzle calves, and cut colts; and
multiply the breed of oysters, and pickle
cod-fish. It will moderate the sun's heat, and
the winter's cold; prevent fogs, and cure
the ague. It will help the natural brain;
brace the nerves, cure sore eyes, and the
cholic, and remove rheumatisms. Consult
experience, and it will be found, that
provisions of the nature proposed by this
bill, have an astonishing influence in this
respect, where they have been tried. I must
take the liberty to say, the gentleman's
allegations are totally unfounded; and he
has committed himself, in the matter of his
history; the earthquake in Jamaica, not
happening in the time of Julius Cesar; and
therefore could have nothing to do with
the eclipse of the sun. I shall, therefore,
vote in favour of the bill.

Mr. Cogan rose to explain; and said,
that he did not say, that the earthquake at
Jamaica, was at the same time with the

clipse of the sun, which happened at the
birth of Julius Cesar.

Mr. Bogan rose to correct the gentleman:
It was not at the birth of Julius
Cesar, but at his death, that the earthquake
happened.

Mr. Hogan was on the floor: Said, he
thought he could reconcile the gentlemen
on that head. It was well known Julius
Cesar lived about the time of the rebellion
in Scotland; a little after Nebuchadnezzar,
king of the Jews. As to the earthquake,
he did not remember what year it happened;
and therefore could say nothing about
it.

At this period, the question being called,
it was put, and carried by a majority
of 25.

The Captain, satisfied with this sample
of Congressional debates, retired, and came
to his lodging.