University of Virginia Library

4. BOOK IV.

1. CHAP. I.

Taking advantage of the humiliated
state of mind in which the bog-trotter now
was, from the late cowskining, he had
received, the Captain thought he could
be drawn off from an extreme attention
to the ladies, and engaged to apply to the
qualifying himself for state affairs. Accordingly
continuing his address to him,
he observed, that though gallantry and
waiting upon ladies, was very agreeable,
yet prudence ought to be observed not to
create enemies, by seeming to engross
their attachment, so as to put a man in
danger of duels, and cowskinings: at the
same time it behooved a man not to suffer
his gallantry to interfere with business;
and more especially in the early stages
when he was about qualifying himself for
any occupation, or appointment; that, as
he (Teague O'Regan) was a candidate
for state affairs, he ought to check his career,

and withdraw himself for some time
from the gay circles, in order to acquire
some small things which were necessary to
the creditable and convenient discharge of
a public function; such as learning to
write his name if possible. As to learning
to read, or write generally that would
be a thing of years, if at all acquirable at
his period of life; but he might be taught
to imitate the few characters that composed
his name, in such a manner as to pass
for it; so that when he had to sign dispatches
or commissions, or the like, he need
not be under the necessity of making his
mark, like an Indian at a treaty; but
might do something that would pass for a
signature in letters of the alphabet. So
providing him with a room, and placing
a table before him with an inkstand, and
strewing some papers, and furnishing him
with spectacles, as if he was already making
out dispatches, he began to instruct
him in making the letters, T, E, A, G,
U, E, &c.

But he had scarcely begun, when the
waiter coming in, delivered a parcel of
cards, and billets for Major O'Regan.
The Captain instantly reflecting that this
correspondence with the gay world would
undo all that he was doing, and draw off the

bog-trotter from his lessons, as soon as
the smart of the cowskining had worn off,
saw it necessary to read the billets as from
different persons, and containing language
different from what was in them.
The cards being chiefly from men in public
employment, he read as they really were.
Opening one of the largest of the billets,
aye, said he, there is more of it. Do you
know this Johnston that seems so much
enraged about Miss Muslin to whom you
have paid some attention? by the bye, it
was a billet from Miss Muslin, to whose
acquaintance it would seem he had been introduced;
but the Captain read Johnston.
By de holy fathers, said Teague, I know
no Johnston. He sends you a challenge,
said the Captain, to meet him on the commons
this evening at six o'clock, with a
brace of pistols and a second to determine
whether you or he has the best right to
pay attention to this lady. We shall give
the billet as written by the lady, and as
read by the Captain.

In the same manner, he read the other
billets, converting them from love letters
into challenges to fight with mortal weapons,
or into declarations of cudgeling,
and cowskining if he interfered any farther
in his attentions to such and such ladies.

The bog-trotter began to think the devil
was broke loose upon him, and very

readily gave the Captain leave to write
answers, declining all combats, and declaring
his compliance with all that was requested
of him.

The waiter was the only person who
by receiving the billets, and handing them
in the absence of the Captain, and reading
them to Teague, might inflame his mind
with the thoughts of the fine ladies, and
gay circles, from which he seemed to be just
recovered: taking him aside, therefore,
and accosting him, Mathew, said he, for
that was the name of the waiter, I do
not know that I ought to find any fault
with your giving your service for some
time past, to my Teague, in reading the
billets directed to him, and in writing his
answers; but I desire that there may be
nothing more of this. As he is about to
be closely engaged for some time to come,
in acquiring some scholarship, and preparing
to enter on some state appointment,
I do not chuse that his mind should be taken
off by affairs of compliment or love.
All billets therefore directed to him, you
will for the future hand to me. The waiter
promised compliance, and said it was
all the same thing to him, as all he had
done, was to oblige the bog-trotter, and

if it was disagreeable to him (the Captain)
he should do no more of it.

However, Teague continuing still to
have some hankering after the company of
the ladies, so as not to have his mind so
much upon learning to write the characters
of his name as the Captain could have
wished, he found it necessary to engage
the bar-keeper to assist him in personating
now and then, some one who had come
to demand satisfaction for the interference
of the bog-trotter in affairs of love, that
by keeping up the alarm on his mind, he
might the better confine him to his studies.
According to the plan agreed upon the
bar-keeper knocking at the door, and the
Captain opening it a little, and demanding
his business; is there not a Major O'Regan
here, he would say (with a counterfeited
voice) who has pretensions to Miss Nubbin?
(one of those who had sent billets) I
wish to see the gentleman, and try if I can
put this sword in his body; (by the bye he
had a long sword) God love your shoul,
would O'Regan say, dear Captain, don't
let him in. I shall die wid fear upon de
spot here; for I never fought a man in
cold blood in my life. Here the bar-keeper as recognizing the voice of O'Regan;
yes, would he say, I find he is here, let

me in, that I may put this through him;
I had paid my addresses to Miss Nubbin,
and was just about to espouse her, when,
unlike a gentleman, he has interferred,
and turned her head with his attention.
By the New Jerusalem I shall be through
his wind pipe in a second. Teague hearing
this and raising the Irish howl, would redouble
his entreaties to the Captain not to
let him in. The Captain would say, Sir,
if you mean to make a pass at him, you
must make it through me; for I shall not
stand to see a domestic run through the
body, and his guts out, while mine are
in. You may therefore desist, or I shall
have you taken into custody, as a breaker
of the peace, With this he would shut
the door, and the bar-keeper would go
off cursing and swearing that he would
have revenge for the insult that had been
offered him, by the Irishman.

By these artifices, certainly innocent
as the object was good; for it can be no
injury to deceive a man to his own advantage;
by these artifices, the Captain succeeded,
in preventing a correspondence
with the gay world, and detaching the
mind of his pupil, from the gallantries of
love. But when any member of Congress
or officer of state called upon him, he

was admitted. Traddle called frequently,
and declared that he had no resentment
on account of Teague's proposing to be
his competitor, at the election in the country;
but wished him success in obtaining
some appointment where his talents might
be useful.