University of Virginia Library

1. BOOK I.

1. CHAPTER I.

Having got through this long introduction
which may resemble that species of
pompion they call a quashaw, whose neck
is longer than the whole body; I say resemble
it, for it will not be altogether like
it, as it will not be more at most, than a
third of the work. However it has been
long enough, in all conscience. We hasten
to the sequel of the adventures of the
Captain, and Teague his servant.

It will be recollected, that pestered with
the preposterous ambition of the bog-trotter;
the Captain, by the advice of a
gentleman, had consented to let him try
his luck of getting into some employment
under government.

However; after reflecting with himself,
a long time on the subject, he could not
help expressing to the gentleman, with
whom he was still in conversation, his
doubt of the success of such pretensions.
Said he, after all, I do not see, how it
can be reasonable to suppose that he can
come to any great height, in state affairs:
He is totally illiterate and uncultivated.

As to that, said the gentleman, it is no
reason at all. Do we not read in history
of persons of the lowest education who
have risen to the greatest heights both in
the civil, and military line. Butcher's
sons, keepers of pigs, feeders of sheep,
traffickers in small wares, have come to
be Cardinals, Popes, and ministers of
state. That impuse of mind which he discovers
to be something, indicates a capacity
of being so. We seldom find in men,
a strong desire of obtaining any thing
which depends on human power, who have
not been able to obtain it. Hence it has
been said, that let a man determine to be
Lord Mayor of London, and he may arrive
at that dignity.

The Captain yielding to the reasons,
began to think, in what manner, it might
be proper, to give him an introduction,
and bring him forward; whether to endeavor

to cultivate an acquaintance with
some members of Congress, or the heads
of departments, such as the Secretary of
the Treasury, of State, at War, &c. or
to begin with some of the subordinate
clerks, and rise gradually to the knowledge
of the principals.

This, said the gentleman, would be
beginning at the wrong end. These people
must naturally be jealous, especially of
such as appear to have talents; not knowing
but that in time they may come to supercede
them. The most adviseable way
is to attack the head at once: Present him
at the levee of the President, and make
him known to the Chief Magistrate. This
is going to the fountain, and not depending
on the streams, that divide among themselves;
and sometimes sink in the earth,
and disappear.

Having been once seen at court, he will
acquire friends; and the President himself,
can with more propriety take notice of
him.

But would it not be necessary, said the
Captain, before we undertake to present
him at the levee of the President, that I
should have him rubbed down, and cloathed
a little better than he is at present.

Not at all, said the gentleman. It will
be best to present him, puris naturalibus,
just as he is, without brogues; in his over-alls,
with that long coat and slouched hat,
which you have given him to wear. The
President seeing him as he is, will imagine
what he may be, when he comes to be
dressed off in a suitable manner; and imagination
always out-goes the reality. Besides;
unless he had been accustomed for
some time to good cloathing, he will appear
aukward in it, and move with pain
to himself, and to others. Take a country
girl that is neat enough in her short
gown and petticoat, and put her in a fine
silk with stays, and she will appear to
much less advantage. A clown in his
jacket and trowsers, is respectable; but
in a broadcloth coat, with suitable habiliments,
he would move ridicule.

Governed by these observations, the
Captain proposed to take Teague to the
levee the next evening.

2. CHAP. II.
Containing Observations.

The gentleman who thus advised the Captain,
though a grave man, I do not think was serious. He
has been what we call a wag, and wished to amuse himself
with the extravagance of introducing Teague as a
candidate for public offices, and taking him to the Levee.
For the Irishman was certainly in no very decent apparel
to appear at the court, even of a republic. The
jacket and trowsers, or overalls, as some call them,
that he had upon him, though of rough materials,
being a coarse tow linen, that had not had but one
boiling before it was made up, were not even whole;
what is more, not clean, not that he had voluntarily
on some great occasion, for a public or private calamity,
as was the manner of the Jews, rent his garments,
and put on sackcloth, and strewed ashes on his head;
but what came to the same thing, by lying by the fire
side at night, and wrestling in the day with the hostler,
and servants at the tavern, he was reduced to the same
raggedness and ash-powdered state.

Nevertheless, though there might not have been
time to have washed his duds; yet a patch or two might
have been put upon his vestments; a considerable impression
having been made upon his flank, by a sharp
point; and his rear being uncovered, a hand's-breadth
or more; unless indeed his breeches had been taken off
altogether, and he had come forward, a real sans
culotte, without any thing on his backside at all.

3. CHAP. III.
The Levee.

Having waited with impatience
for the evening, the Captain, with the
candidate, set out for the levee. Arriving
at the door, the Captain, entering
first, and Teague just behind, he addressed
the President: Said he, may it please
your Excellency, here is a young man,
whom I take the liberty to introduce, as
a candidate for state employment. He
has been offered a seat in Congress. But
it appears to me that a place in the executive
department would suit him better;
his name is Teague O'Regan; and has
been for some time a servant of mine, a
bog-trotter; but I believe I could now
spare him if your Excellency has occasion
to make use of him. The Attorney General,
and several others who were present,
were a good deal confounded at the
proposition. A little lean Frenchman in
in the room, with a sword by his side,

was astonished; and expressed above an
hundred foutres to himself in the compass
of a minute; I do not mean that he spoke
out, but thought them to himself in a
short space. A British consul present,
who was a man of a philosophic turn of
mind, could not but reflect on the nature
of a republican government, and the extraordinary
assurance of the lowest class to
pretend to offices.

The President, in the mean time, contemplating
the object, made a pause. But
after some time recollecting himself, bowed
to the Captain, and to Teague, and signified
that doubtless proper notice should
be taken of the merits of the gentleman,
and provision made for him. This he
said, bowing at the same time in a circular
manner, and turning round as if to converse
with another person, to whom attention
was in his turn, due. Teague in
the mean time advancing with his mouth
open, and both his arms stretched out, was
about to harrangue in his own dialect, as
plase your honor, &c. But an aid of the
President, or some one concerned in the
ceremonial of the occasion, touching the
Captain and Teague, and conversing with
them towards the door, gave them to understand,
that they might depart for the

present; and that there was no manner
of question, but that his Excellency had
taken a note of the matter, and when any
appointment was about to take place, the
gentleman would be remembered.

4. CHAP. IV.
Containing Remarks & Observations.

I observe, from some scraps, in the public papers,
that the holding a levee by the President of the United
States, has given offence, to men of severe, and extreme
republican ideas: For, as at the reformation from
the Roman Catholic superstition, the puritans, and
other thorough paced reformists, were offended with
the Church of England, for retaining some particulars
of the ancient ceremonies; such as the ring in marriage;
the cross in baptism; the surplice; kneeling at the
sacrament; bowing at the name of Jesus, &c. so here;
the more rigid revolutionists from monarchy, object to
any vestige of its customs, and would lay aside totally
all resemblance of it.

On the other hand, it is suggested by those who
would justify, or, apologize for the holding a levee,
that it is in itself, no substance or essential of monarchy;
it is, at the most, but a shadow of it, and can do little
harm; that the institution was suggested by John
Adams, who having just returned from his embassy in
England, had no doubt good reason to suppose, that it
would be pleasing to the English people who were accustomed
to such things; and to the king especially,
who, as far as we understand from Peter Pindar, is but a
thick-headed prince: It would be pleasing to him, to
reflect that though he had lost direct authority and jurisdiction
in these states, yet we were still disposed to
touch, as it were, the hem of his garment, and adopt
some of the trappings of royalty. In this case he could

with more propriety take notice of his brother George;
having a levee like another prince, than if he remained
but a bare republican, like a plucked fowl, without any
plumage to decorate his dignity. It is also said, that it
was on this principle that Citizen Adams, proposed introducing
titles of nobility, such as, Duke and Dutchess,
Marquiss and Marchioness, Count and Countess, Baronet
and Baroness, &c. For, that complying in these
small matters with the stile of the English ranks, and
the genius of their government, it would produce and
preserve a greater amity between the nations; and with
the court especially, and enable us to obtain greater
advantages in our treaties of commerce. Whatever
may have been the principle, I do not think the proposition
bad. It could not be blameable; for Saint
Paul himself, in matters of religion, a thing much more
delicate in its nature, did not hesitate to shave the heads
of four young men, to please the Jews; and what was
worse, circumcised the poor boy Timothy. What
then, if to humour a weak king, and a prejudiced people,
we had received the appellations of nobility? Besides;
the matter might have been so managed, as not to injure
the stamina of our constitution; that is, not to
confer the titles; but let the people take them. Carlisle,
for instance, the constable in Philadelphia, might
have called himself Lord Carlisle, and so on.

The advocates for a levee, say, that it is useful in order
to avoid the interruptions of persons calling on the
President at his private hours, who have no other business
than merely to be introduced and to see him; that setting
a couple of hours aside, one day in the week, for the
purpose of satisfying the curiosity of the people, is good
œconomy; and is like throwing a barrel to a whale, in
order to preserve the ship. For, that, if this was not
indulged, little else could be done through the week,
than attending to the formality of receiving visitants.
To this it is answered that it must be impertient in any
one to call upon the President who has no business with

him, and if he has business, a levee is not the place to
settle it; that the Roman Pretors, and Grecian Archons
made out to discharge their offices, without this
expedient; that it is not consistent with the honor of
wise and modest republicans to have it supposed, that
from idle, and light-headed curiosity, they would be
troublesome to their chief magistrate; if any were so,
calling once, they could be dismissed in such a manner,
as to cure them of it; and the thing being once known
to be improper, the idea would pervade the mass of the
citizens, and the most uninstructed, would be taught
not to transgress by so obvious an intrusion.

Besides; the curiosity of seeing a man eminent in
office, exists chiefly with weak minds; for the more
solid know, that it is not the figure of a great man that
has made him such; but a series of prudent and successful
conduct. They are sensible that when they see
the most distinguished in arts, in letters, or in arms,
they will see a person that looks just like another man.
Is it worth while then, say the anti-lee-vites, to consult
the curiosity of gaping haubucks, by obliging the chief
magistrate of a government, to shew himself to them
once a week, when he has so much real business on his
hands?

For my part, lying at the back of a mountain here;
the cool west wind blowing on me; I find myself little
heated with the difference of opinions on this question.
All I shall say, is, that the ceremony of a levee would
not be agreeable to my mind; and if I should be chosen
President at any time, with which my friends flatter me,
I believe I shall not continue it, unless indeed, I should
be allowed to discharge it by proxy. For I could not
myself, submit to stand two hours, once a week, in a
circle, like a bear at a stake, to be saluted by all comers
and goers, and be obliged to say, some words of course,
to get clear of them. It is possible, this declaration
may affect my election, but such is my habit of candour,
that being on the subject, I could not help making it.

And I flatter myself, the most streneous lee-vites, may
be reconciled to it, when I propose in its place to have
myself taken off the more abundantly in portraits, and
to have innumerable medals struck representing my
physiognomy and features; and to assist this, I shall not
be backward, to have discriptions given of my person,
manners, and apparel, to satisfy the curiosity of strangers.
This I hope will suffice.

5. CHAP. V.

From the reception at the levee,
which the Captain thought favorable, he
began to entertain more confidence in the
advancement of Teague; and, under this
impression, thought it now adviseable to
begin to take some pains with his bodily
appearance, and by the next interview,
produce him to the best advantage.

To conduct this by system, the first
thing was to heave him down, as it were,
and scrape off his barnacles. This was
done by ordering into an apartment of
the kitchen, at the Indian Queen, a tub
of warm water. His overalls being stript
off, and putting his feet and legs in this,
with hickory ashes, and a pint of soft soap,
the hostler was occupied an hour or two,
in the necessary lotion and friction, until
the upper skin began to come off, and the
natural complexion of his flesh appear.
After this being stript altogether, his
whole body underwent the same operation,
the Captain standing by, and ordering
his joints to be stretched, in the manner
of the Turks in their baths. After this, a
clean shirt was put on him, and the usual
attire of a common man.

6. CHAP. VI.

The next thing to be done towards
forming the bog-trotter, to some degree
of decency, was the teaching him some
more easy movements of his person, so as
not to lift his feet so high, or make such
long strides; as not being necessary, where
there were now no sloughs or ditches to
leap over, but carpets, or plain floors to
step upon. This, with the instructing him,
in what manner, to turn his toes out, or
at least to keep his feet parallel in walking;
and turning round, to throw one heel
into the hollow of the other foot; at the
same time, in what manner to bear his
arms and head; and to preserve, or, incline
his body, in receiving or returning a
salutation: considering by what means
this was best attainable, the Captain
thought to himself it might be adviseable,
in the first instance, to employ a dancing
master. For though the lessons of such a
teacher, might not give ease of behavior,
all at once, yet these might lay the foundation
of it. For, no man ever came

from the hands of a dancing master with
a natural ease and flexibility of joint and
limb; yet being taught to move by rule at
first, in the course of mixing with good
company, the wire edge of art would
wear off, and an ease of demeanor be attained.
For this reason he thought proper,
the next morning, to send for Monsieur
Douperie, and to address him as
follows:

Monsieur Douperie, said he, here is a
young man of some talents, as the world
supposes, though I never could find them
in him; who, is in a fair way to be introduced
into the political, and probably the
gay world: and as he is but rustic and aukward
in his movements, I would wish to
have him polished; not that I expect he
can attain to great perfection in the highest
species of the dance, such as the minuet,
or the cotilion, or even the manœuvres
of a country dance; but simply in the position
of his feet, and to step and move
with propriety. For I do not think it
necessary for a statesman, that he be a
proficient in the saltatory art; but, simply,
that he be able to bear himself upright,
and to enter a room in an easy manner,
and not take too long strides in
walking across the floor.

The Frenchman, eyeing Teague,
thought with himself, that he was but a
rough subject to work upon; nevertheless,
concealing his sentiment, as the manner
of the nation is polite and compliant, he
replied. Monsieur Capitaine, said he,
ver great sensible of de honneur, que vous
me faites, de attitude of dourself be so ver
natural, dat prove de high degree que vous
acquis in de art dat I tashe; and trow un
grand lustre, on de talents dat I possede.

Such was the compliment to the Captain
himself; though, by the bye, he was
but a plain man, and had never been taught
to dance.

Monsieur Douperie continuing, turned
his attention now to the bog-trotter.
Dis Monsieur, said he, appear de best
calcule of de vorld for de danse. Sa taille,
ver good, his limb promettent, ver much
en faveur of his talents futures. His muscle,
et son apparance nerveuse, confirm
me of his strense in de execution. His
eye, be ver good, pour fixet son visavis,
his partner. Tout me promet un grand
expectation make Monsieur most egal
myself, in de art of de danse.

As to that, said the Captain, I would
not have you too sanguine. You do not
take into view the low state in which he

is; and what pains will be necessary before
you can bring him to that point where you
begin with others. So low is my opinion
of his present grade in point of manners,
that I had thought of putting him a while
under the care of a person skilled in
breaking oxen, that he might be taught
to move by rule in some rough way at
first, before I would trouble you with
giving him the nicer precepts that respect
the locomotive art.

Tres plaisant Capitaine, ver plaisant,
said the dancing master, mais, j'me promet
dat Monsieur make ver good proficiance,
in ver short time.

The Captain now thinking proper to
withdraw, left Teague to his lessons.

7. CHAP. VII.

Monsieur Patrick, said Monsieur
Douperie, for understanding that he was
an Irishman, and thinking that all Irishmen
were named Patrick, he gave him
this appellation: Monsieur Patrick, said
he, il faut commencer, par les principes;
must begin by de principle.

La primiere principe, de first lessong
est placer les pieds; place de foot. Voyez;
dis foot, cy; comme cela, (shewing
him how to place his foot) and ce luy, dat
foot, la; comme dis foot. (Shewing him
by his own foot how to place it) Tournez
les pieds; open de foot, quoi! vous
ouvrez la bouche; vous open de mout, and
not de foot. Vous keep vos foot in de
same position, et vous baillez: you open
de mout. La secon principe, is to keep
de body droit; trait. Must sit firm sur
ses membres, on de limb. Tenez votre
body as dis (shewing him in what manner
to keep his body) assieyez vous, sur vos
membres, comme ce la; dis way Monsieur
Quoi! encore la bouche ouverte,

you open de mout again Monsieur Patrick.
Fermez la bouche, shut de mout.

I stop here to observe, that the opening
the mouth when an exertion of the mind
or body is required, is a habit very common
with uninformed men, and not at all
peculiar to Teague: you will observe,
that men, who have not been long, or at
least much in the habit of writing, when
they put pen to paper, open the
mouth, and protrude the tongue, moving
it, as the pen turns to the right hand
or to the left; or draws the stroke long
or short; and, you will see a cordwainer
of good skill in his trade, from mere habit,
and not any defect of art, put out his
tongue, and move it, as if it could guide
his hand, when he is parcing nicely the margin
of the soal of a shoe or boot: Having
made this observation in justice to the bog-trotter,
I return to my narration.

The Captain coming in at this point of
the business, made enquiry of Monsieur
Douperie, what success he appeared to
have with his pupil. Bien tolerable, Monsieur
Capitaine, said Monsieur Douperie,
ver tolerable: Monsieur es d'une tres
bonne naturel; ver good disposition. A
la commencement il ne faut pas nous
flatter, must not flatter, wid de plus haut

degre, du succes; at de first of de lessong.

The Captain, not so much from the
words of the dancing master, as from his
countenance, and the tone of his voice,
saw, that he was not so sanguine with
regard to the proficiency of the bog-trotter as he had been at first: Nevertheless,
he was not discouraged in suffering
Monsieur Douperie to go on with his
lessons; because he expected little more,
as has been said, than some improvement
of step and gait. Nor did he draw any
conclusion unfavorable with respect to the
attainments of the bog-trotter in a political
career; because he well that auk wardness
of manner is not at all inconsistent with
the highest literary and political abilities;
and that some of the greatest geniusess that
the world has produced have never been
able to attain the graces of behavior. The
poet Horace, says of Virgil; magnum
ingenium sub inculto corpore latet: and
the anecdote of Harley, earl of Oxford,
is well known; who, when Queen Anne
made him Lord Treasurer, his dancing
master expressed his astonishment, and
wondered what the Queen could see in
him; for he was the greatest dunce he
ever had at his school.

With these reflections withdrawing he
left the Frenchman to go on with his lesson.

La troisieme principe; de tird lessong,
said Monsieur Douperie, is to lift de foot;
you lift de foot, Monsieur Patrick, le pied
droit, de right foot furs; here Teague
raised the left, O! mon dieu, said the
dancing master, le pied droit, et non pas
le guache; de right foot, and not de left.
Est il possible, you no disting de right foot
from de left. Il faut lever le guache: a
la bonne heure, you lift de left foot.

Now, Monsieur Patrick; un pas avec
le pied guache; lift de left foot. Here
Teague lifted the right foot, thinking of
the former lesson, and willing to please the
dancing master by giving him that foot
which had seemed to be so much in request
with him. O! mon dieu, par blieu, said
Monsieur Douperie, est il possible you no
disting de right foot from de left?

It is observable of the French character
that while they preserve their temper,
they are all complaisance, and have the
sofest words imaginable; but when they
break, it is all at once, and they pass to
the opposite extreme of peevishness. It is
not altogether owing to an irritability of
nerve but to that system of politeness which

they cultivate; because when the chord of
civility is immoderately stretched by a concealment
of the feelings, when it is let
go, it flies the farther, and with the
quicker vibration, beyond the medium of
its tension.

O! mon dieu, par blieu, said the
Frenchman; and here he had almost said
foutre, which is one of the worst epithets
that is given, when great contempt is
about to be expressed.

However, composing his temper, and
resuming his instructions; he continued;
now Monsieur Patrick, said he, le pied
droit, lift de right foot. Here Teague,
as he had not pleased his instructor by what
he had done last, viz. lifting the right foot,
now lifted the left, being always at cross
purposes, as it were, or still too far forward,
or too far back in his motions, to
correspond with the directions given.

O! diable, diable, said the Frenchman,
raising his voice, and almost vociferating;
quoi ferai je? il est impossible d' instruire
cet garcon: no possible make you understand
fat I say, you do. Attendez vous,
Monsieur Patrick; you look at me, and
lift de foot dat I lift; now I lift de right
foot; lift de right foot.

Teague standing opposite the master,
and lifting that foot which was on the
same side with that of the instructor made
the same blunder as before, and lifted the
left foot.

Monsieur Douperie enraged beyond all
bearing, ran out of the room, and left
his scholar for the present.

The day after this, Monsieur Douperie,
having composed his temper and attending,
the Captain made enquiry, as usual, of the
progress of his pupil. The Frenchman
endeavoring to put the best face on the
matter, said some things of course and
complimentary; but could not help intimating
that it was une grand difficulty en
le commencement, in de beginning, to
make Monsieur disting de difference of de
right foot, and de left.

As to that, said the Captain, it is a national
incapacity; for which, as also for
their propensity to make what they call
bulls, it is difficult to account. There are
not a people more brave than the aborigines
of Ireland, and are far from being
destitute of talents, and yet there is a
certain liability to blunders, both in their
words and actions, that is singular. Whether
it is that a mind strong and vigorous,
and of extensive range cannot attend to

small things; or that a great flow and hurry
of animal spirits, carries them too fast
for reflection; or that there is a transposition
of the brain, so that things present
themselves by contraries to the imagination;
I cannot tell: but the fact is so that
in their own country, as I have been told,
when they are taught to dance, which,
by the bye, is a hint which I forgot to
give you, they bind on the right and left
foot different badges, on the one, a twisted
wisp of straw, which they call a sugan
and on the other a band of ozier twisted
in like manner, which they call a gad: so
that when the word is given to raise the
one foot, and depress the other, it is
rise upon sugan, and sink upon gad;
so, that though the tiro may not all at
once, and on the word given, be able to
distinguish the right foot from the left, he
may easily tell gad from sugan, as his eye
can assist his ear in this case; the object
being simple; whereas right and left
are relative terms, and that which is on
the right in one position, will be on the
left in the contrary.

Monsieur Douperie was willing to avail
himself of this hint, for understanding that
the bog-trotter was a candidate for state
affairs, he was greatly anxious to have the

honor of giving him some proficiency.
Accordingly, though he did not procure
a straw sugan, and an ozier gad, yet he
made use of what he thought might be
equivalent, viz. a red rag, and a blue;
so that instead of bidding him move the
right foot or the left, he could desire him
to move the red rag or the blue.

Having tied these upon his ancles next
morning, he began his lesson. Now,
Monsieur Patrick, said he, lift de foot
dat hab de red ribbon: Teague obeyed
with exactness and promptitude, and
raised that foot. Now, said Monsieur
Douperie, de foot dat hab de blue ribbon.
Teague hit the direction, and raised
the foot with the blue rag upon it.

A la bonne heure, vous y voila, said
the dancing master; ver glad Monsieur
Patrick you make so good proficiance; en
peu de tems, je vous presentera a l' assemble.
You danse ver well, short time.

La quatrieme principe, said the dancing
master, de fort lessong est former une pas,
to make de step. Voyez Monsieur Patrick,
fat I do. You make step, ne
pas long step, mais van little step. The
Irishman attempting to obey the directions
and to step, made a stride about an ell in
length with his arms stretched out, and

gaping at the same time. Foutre, said
the dancing master; quoi! Vous baillez;
you ope de mout yet. Oh, diable! diable!
foutre! une bete! But composing
himself, he proceeded. Rangez vous a
quartier; step to de van side, comme ce
la; shewing in what manner to step out
with one foot at right angles to the other.

The Irishman, endeavoring to confine
his feet to rule, felt himself as much embarrassed
as if chained by the heels; and
attempting to make the step as requested,
and making the usual exertions, with his
eyes staring, his arms stretched, and his
mouth open, lost the command of himself
on the floor, and being thrown from the
line of gravity, was about to fall, when to
save himself, he made a catch at the dancing
master, and drew him down with him.

The dancing master supposing that he
hand understood him, though in French,
when he used the term foutre, and called
him a beast, and resenting this, was about
to take vengeance, and having heard of
their mode of biting, gouging, &c. in
America, was much alarmed, and disposed
to throw himself on the generosity of the
Irishman, as not being able to contend
with him in strength: He exclaimed, O!
my lord Patrick, excusez moi, pardon,

Monsieur Patrick, je demand pardon.
Pauvre diable que je suis. I be van poor
dible. Vous etes un honnete homme.
Ver good man. Un homme brave, courageux,
absolument un homme brave,
gallant, tres brave, O! je suis un malheureux,
I be van poor dible. Je demand
pardon, my lord Patrick.

These were the exclamations of the
Frenchman, though, at the same time,
he was uppermost, but entangled by the
bog-trotter, who having still a hold of
him, was endeavoring to rise; which the
other was disposed to prevent, thinking
it adviseable to retain the advantage he
possessed, and to keep him down until he
could appease him by his entreaties, or
until help should arrive so continuing his
expostulation, he exclaimed, O! my lord
Patrick, faites moi, grace. I give you
my money. J'ai beacoup d'argent. I
give you an order sur mon intendant de
cent Louis; one, two, tree hundred
guinea. I forgive de compensation of de
lessong,

Teague, in the mean time, having understood
that chastisement was usually
given at school, for inattention or flowness
in acquiring the elements, and not understanding
broken French, conceived, that

the dancing master was expressing his resentment,
and about to inflict punishment;
and therefore endeavoured to excuse himself
by a speech on his part. God love
your shoul, said he, dont be after bateing
me, because I can't walk like a crippled
coose, just at once. By Shaint Patrick,
dis is like stoodying law in de workhouse,
where de first ting is a good bateing;
God love your shoul, let me up, and i'l
step as strait as a lame shape, or a dog
wid dis leg broke into de bargain.

By this time struggling, they were both
on their feet, the Frenchman, still calling
out, voulez vous me tuer; O! ma femme,
mes enfans, spare my life my lord
Patrick, and the bog-trotter beginning
to curse and swear, and to raise the Irish
howl.

Being disengaged, the dancing master
made his escape, and waiting on the Captain,
not wishing to be under the necessity
of giving any more lessons, gave him to
understand that Monsieur had made ver
good proficiance, en ver short time; that
he was capable to present himself in public
wid all de success possible; that it was not
necessary to give him any more lessons.

The Captain did not suppose that the
Irishman could have made such advances

as the politeness of the Frenchman would
lead him to believe, but he concluded he
might have acquired what would be sufficient
as a foundation for his obtaining some
decency, though not elegance in his manner
and deportment. Paying, therefore,
Monsieur Douperie the sum he demanded,
and thanking him for the pains he had
taken, the Frenchman withdrew.

8. CHAP. VIII.

Having bestowed some pains to
cultivate the personal movements of the
bog-trotter, it now remained to endeavor
to improve his manners. This the
Captain undertook, himself, and though
he had not read Chesterfield, yet he had
some common ideas of decency, and delicacy
in habits, and behaviour. On this
point, addressing his pupil, he began.

Teague, said he, you have now got,
in literal terms your rough coat off; that
is, you have some better dress, than what
you used to wear; you have also had some
lessons, in what manner, to stand, or
move your feet, as there may be occasion;
it now remains to instruct you with regard
to habits of delicacy, in some matters.
You must be careful to keep your hands
and face clean; pair your nails, and let
no black be under them. Wash the inside
of your mouth, and brush your teeth;
keep a handkerchief, and wipe your nose
with this, not with your bare hand; when

you cough, spit out, even should there be
nothing to spit, lest the imagination of
another, may suppose that there is; you
must not belch, or break wind from your
mouth, or from any other part. By the
bye Teague, I have my fears of you in
this last particular, for you know you
have not been always careful in trotting
with me to observe a delicacy in this respect;
and, it would be the devil in hell, if
in a company of ladies, an indiscretion of
this kind should escape you.

In the next place you will be careful to
avoid scratching your head, or your backside,
or putting your hand in the waistband
of your breeches, or turning your
back to the fire, and pulling up your coat
behind, which is the way of the vulgar.
Put but a small quid of tobacco in your
mouth, not swell the cheeks as if you had
robbed a weaver of a ball of yarn, and put
it there. Do not spit on a floor, but in
the fire, or in your handkerchief if you
must spit. In eating, sit close to the table,
do not put your nose too near the
plate; put but a little in your mouth at
once; do not speak while your mouth is
full; or while you chew. If any one
speaks to you in this predicament, bow;
as much as to say I will answer you presently:

drink healths sparingly, if at all.
Do not blow in your cup to cool your tea.
Keep your infirmities to yourself, and do
not complain of costiveness, or laxativeness;
of pains in the bowels, &c. A gentleman
should have no complaints, unless
to his physician, of any thing, but the
gout, or a fever, or the like. Give no
information of a bad digestion; or food,
being heavy, or light to your stomach; of
your agreeing with this or that food, but
its not agreeing with you, as the vulgar
say; that is, as we shall understand you,
it gives you the belly-ach. Take care not
to value yourself, on your eating, as that
will shew a gross mind; or on your drinking
much, as that is but a low ambition.
Sing no bawdy songs; especially amongst
ladies; such as Brian O'Linn, and
Arthur O'Bradley; or that about
Tristram Shandy O. For though these
were suitable enough to your former station,
and such as you have been accustomed
to sing among the girls at the taverns,
yet they will not pass amongst more refined
company. You must get some more
fashionable airs, such as the Bird, or
Guardian Angels, or the like.

Even at clubs, amongst gentlemen, I
would recommend it to you to avoid lewd

and indecent songs; especially if they are
of the gross and disgusting kind. As you
are an Irishman, a verse or two of Lango
Lee might be excuseable, perhaps. It is
true, that in the higher ranks, among
both males and females, the double entendre
is sometimes used; but unless it is with
great delicacy, and relieved by singular
wit, it is not admissible.

There are rules of good manners which
you are to observe. Such as when you
walk with any person, let them walk
next the wall; if you are about to enter
a room, with another, let him enter first.
or if about to sit down, give way to another
who is also about to sit down. Decline
the higher seat. You must not talk
too much; especially about yourself;
boasting, as I have heard you do sometimes,
of jumping and trotting, and how
you could wrestler, and the like. I am
afraid. Teague, that after all the pains
I am taking with you, you will spoil the
broth, by some out-breakings, of your
old tricks, and habits in some way or
other. However, since I have suffered
myself to be persuaded to try the matter,
let it go on, we shall see the issue of it.
These are the outlines of some of the hints
upon manners, given by the Captain.