Modern chivalry :: :: University of Virginia Library

Having bestowed some pains to
cultivate the personal movements of the
bog-trotter, it now remained to endeavor
to improve his manners. This the
Captain undertook, himself, and though
he had not read Chesterfield, yet he had
some common ideas of decency, and delicacy
in habits, and behaviour. On this
point, addressing his pupil, he began.

Teague, said he, you have now got,
in literal terms your rough coat off; that
is, you have some better dress, than what
you used to wear; you have also had some
lessons, in what manner, to stand, or
move your feet, as there may be occasion;
it now remains to instruct you with regard
to habits of delicacy, in some matters.
You must be careful to keep your hands
and face clean; pair your nails, and let
no black be under them. Wash the inside
of your mouth, and brush your teeth;
keep a handkerchief, and wipe your nose
with this, not with your bare hand; when

you cough, spit out, even should there be
nothing to spit, lest the imagination of
another, may suppose that there is; you
must not belch, or break wind from your
mouth, or from any other part. By the
bye Teague, I have my fears of you in
this last particular, for you know you
have not been always careful in trotting
with me to observe a delicacy in this respect;
and, it would be the devil in hell, if
in a company of ladies, an indiscretion of
this kind should escape you.

In the next place you will be careful to
avoid scratching your head, or your backside,
or putting your hand in the waistband
of your breeches, or turning your
back to the fire, and pulling up your coat
behind, which is the way of the vulgar.
Put but a small quid of tobacco in your
mouth, not swell the cheeks as if you had
robbed a weaver of a ball of yarn, and put
it there. Do not spit on a floor, but in
the fire, or in your handkerchief if you
must spit. In eating, sit close to the table,
do not put your nose too near the
plate; put but a little in your mouth at
once; do not speak while your mouth is
full; or while you chew. If any one
speaks to you in this predicament, bow;
as much as to say I will answer you presently:

drink healths sparingly, if at all.
Do not blow in your cup to cool your tea.
Keep your infirmities to yourself, and do
not complain of costiveness, or laxativeness;
of pains in the bowels, &c. A gentleman
should have no complaints, unless
to his physician, of any thing, but the
gout, or a fever, or the like. Give no
information of a bad digestion; or food,
being heavy, or light to your stomach; of
your agreeing with this or that food, but
its not agreeing with you, as the vulgar
say; that is, as we shall understand you,
it gives you the belly-ach. Take care not
to value yourself, on your eating, as that
will shew a gross mind; or on your drinking
much, as that is but a low ambition.
Sing no bawdy songs; especially amongst
ladies; such as Brian O'Linn, and
Arthur O'Bradley; or that about
Tristram Shandy O. For though these
were suitable enough to your former station,
and such as you have been accustomed
to sing among the girls at the taverns,
yet they will not pass amongst more refined
company. You must get some more
fashionable airs, such as the Bird, or
Guardian Angels, or the like.

Even at clubs, amongst gentlemen, I
would recommend it to you to avoid lewd

and indecent songs; especially if they are
of the gross and disgusting kind. As you
are an Irishman, a verse or two of Lango
Lee might be excuseable, perhaps. It is
true, that in the higher ranks, among
both males and females, the double entendre
is sometimes used; but unless it is with
great delicacy, and relieved by singular
wit, it is not admissible.

There are rules of good manners which
you are to observe. Such as when you
walk with any person, let them walk
next the wall; if you are about to enter
a room, with another, let him enter first.
or if about to sit down, give way to another
who is also about to sit down. Decline
the higher seat. You must not talk
too much; especially about yourself;
boasting, as I have heard you do sometimes,
of jumping and trotting, and how
you could wrestler, and the like. I am
afraid. Teague, that after all the pains
I am taking with you, you will spoil the
broth, by some out-breakings, of your
old tricks, and habits in some way or
other. However, since I have suffered
myself to be persuaded to try the matter,
let it go on, we shall see the issue of it.
These are the outlines of some of the hints
upon manners, given by the Captain.