 | XXXV. Ekkoes from Kentucky |  |
35. XXXV.
A Jollification at the Corners, followed by a
Dream, which has some Reference to a recent
Political Event.
(Wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
October 22, 1867.
WE held, last nite, our formal jollification at
the Corners, over the result uv the Ohio
and Pennsylvany elecshuns. It wuz a glorious occashen,
and one wich wuz calkelated to cheer the
long deprest hearts uv the down-trodden Dimocrisy;
wich it did. The Church wuz gorgusly illoominatid
with candles, hung in festoons in the winders. Deekin
Pogram, in honor uv the occashun, loaned us
the yoose uv his two keroseen lamps, — the pride uv
the Corners, — wich wuz arranged in a tabloo in
front uv the pulpit, over wich wuz hung, in peeceful
folds, the two Confedrit flags wich Kernel McPelter's
regment hed borne in honor over myriads uv ded
the visinity wuz present, attired in their soiled uniforms,
and everythin about the demonstrashen wuz
ez inspiritin ez it wuz possible to make it. Short
and pertinent addresses wuz made by the offishels
uv the church, wich I wuz gratified to observe a
pious vane uv thankfulnis run thro em. Deekin
Pogram shone with unwonted brilliancy and onparalleled
devoutnis. He blessed the Lord for the
mercy wich hed bin vouchsafed us. The people uv
the North hed vindicated the Skripters, and hed bin
weaned from their infidelity. Now he felt he cood
wallop a nigger wunst more in safety, and put his
foot onto the necks uv the descendants uv Ham,
wich wuz ordained from the flood. He felt thankful
for wat hed bin done for us by Ohio and Pennsylvany,
and he hoped for ez much from Noo York.
Shood Noo York complete the work so gloriously
commenst by Maine and Californy, and so happily
carried forrerd by Ohio and Pennsylvany, then he
shood say, “Now let thy servant depart in peese.”
If he shood survive the joy uv the occashun, he
wood to-wunst recapcher his niggers, — sich uv em
ez wuz still in the land uv the livin, — and redoose
em to their normal condishen. He wood hold em
by force, trustin in the result uv the next Presidenshel
to-wunst buy up wat he cood uv Confedrit skrip,
for, bless the Lord, he felt now that the Lost Coz
wazn't ez much lost ez he thot it wuz.
Other speeches wuz made, and the meetin, in a
state uv high hilarity, adjourned to Bascom's, wher
we made a nite uv it. I survived, probably, the
longest uv any uv the square drinkers. There wuz
those who held out longer by resortin to sich onmanly
subterfuges ez throwin their likker over their
sholders and takin lite drinks, but sich ain't for me.
It looks, ez it is, like a throwing away uv the good
gifts uv nacher; a sacrificin the blessins uv life to a
foolish pride, — suthin I never will do.
One by one I saw em droop and roll gently off
the benches. Issaker Gavitt first, McPelter next,
Bascom next, and finally Deekin Pogram, like a
giant oak in a hurricane, tottered, rallied, tottered
agin, and finally fell; and I, feelin that my time,
too, hed come, went under likewise. I slept, and
sleepin, dreamed.
Methawt I wuz in a vast bildin, constructid in the
Orientle stile uv arketectoor, to-wit: a roof, supported
by pillers. These pillers wuz labelled with
the names uv battles fought doorin the Revolushen
and the last war with Great Britten, the strongest
doorin the late onpleasantnis.
“Wat strukter is this?” askt I uv the janiter uv
the institooshn.
“The Temple uv Liberty!” ansered he.
“Wilt show it me?” askt I.
“With pleasure, Sir,” sed he. “The present
occupant uv the bildin, and he who now hez controle
uv it, is in an inner chamber. Woodst see
him?”
“I woodst,” remarked I, and he showd me in.
It wuz a pekoolyer seen. On the carpet on the
floor was stretched the form uv a Giant, hyer in
stature, broader across the shoulders, deeper in the
chest, and possessin more indicashens uv strength
and endoorance than any Giant I hed ever seen.
His face wuz ruther young lookin and noble, though
onto it there wuz an expression uv wearinis and
sadniss. He wuz fast asleep, and sleepin ez a man
does after a terrible expenditoor uv physikle and
mentle strength.
“Who is this?” askt I uv my guide.
“Republikinism!” sed he.
“Ha! Wat is them wich he holds so lovinly in
his arms?” askt I.
“Them is the treasures uv the Temple, uv wich
only a part uv em in his arms — ef yoo notis, ther
are ten uv em under his heels.”
I looked carefully, and notist that they wuz all
labelled with the names uv the States — those in
his arms wuz those uv the North, and the ten under
his heels wuz them wich hed unfortnitly failed in
their attempt to get out uv the Temple. From the
heft uv his heel onto em, it appeared ez tho they
were under a triflin restraint. Kentucky, Delaware,
and Maryland he hed tightly gripped between his
thumb and finger.
“Why sleeps he?” askd I.
“Exhaustion,” sed he. “Sich a fite ez he hez
hed to retane possession uv this place! Four long
yeers hev opposin powers attempted by open hostilities
to dispossess him, doorin wich he wuz assaled
at every pint, and for three years hez politikle fite
been made onto him, doorin wich he hez bin betrayed
by them he sposed wuz his chosen and
trusted frends. Last year he hed a terrible conflict
with em and wuz victorious, but the strain wuz too
heavy onto him, and he's bin asleep, ever sence,
recooperatin. Besides, some uv his attendin physicians,
in whom he hed confidence, proved to be
quacks, and they dosed him with restoratives, wich,
remedy for the time, and they increesed the stupor
under wich he wuz laborin. Besides, he wuz attackt
with sore head, and in adishen to all this there
wuz barnacles, and vampires, and blood-suckers uv
all kinds, wich further weakened him. Listen, how
hard he breathes!”
And he wuz a breathin hard.
At this percise minit methawt the guide disappeared,
and there wuz a agitashen uv the curtins
uv the chamber. Slowly they lifted, and to my
surprise I saw feachers wich I recognized. Vallandygum
peered in, and seein that the Giant wuz
still asleep, come in on tip-toe, beckonin others to
follow. They come. There wuz Thurman, uv
Ohio; Voorhees, uv Injiany; Florence, Sharswood,
and Jerry Black, uv Pennsylvany; Seward,
Fernandy Wood, and Morrissey, uv Noo York;
and Johnson, Pierce, Bookanan, and the whole
glorious company of marters. Cautiously they krept
in, and timidly ranged themselves about the sleepin
Giant, and communed among themselves.
“That wuz too heavy a load for him to carry at
his age,” chuckled Ben Wood, pintin to an immense
burden strapped to his sholders, on wich
was written “Equality before the Law.”
“Yes,” sed Johnson, “but he wood hev got throo
with it, but I tripped him!”
“It wuz I who put the stone down over wich he
mostly stumbled,” sed Seward in a whisper.
“To biznis!” sed Vallandygum. “Let us git
wat we kin afore he awakens;” and he and Thurman
slily fingered away Ohio, doin it without disturbin
him much. He did groan slitely, and moved
uneasily. Sharswood and Jerry Black very adroitly
slipped Pennsylvania out from under his arm, and
agin he started up restlessly, but sunk back into his
slumber agin.
Emboldened by this, Fernando Wood and Seymour
attempted to steal away Noo York, wich wuz
the piller onto wich his head restid; and while they
wuz manooverin it, he made a terrible noise, ez ef
he wuz in agony.
“It's the death rattle in his throat!” piped the
ten Staits under his heels, strivin to release theirselves.
“It's the death rattle in his throat!” shreeked they
all, throwin off all stealth, and each grabbin a Stait.
In an instant the scene changed. They hed overdid
it. The Giant awoke, and springin to his feet,
glared fiercely onto em.
“The death rattle, is it!” sed he, in a voice uv
hard-sleepin Giant for the death rattle! What hev
I done? Sleepin so long, and knowin all the time
that assassins lurked around me!” Shakin the barnacles
off, he laid about him lively. He pitched
Fernandy and Seymour out head over heels, — one
sweep uv his right arm disposed uv Pierce, Bookannan,
and that pack, and then, missin Ohio and
Pennsylvany, he observed Vallandygum and Sharswood
makin off with them. Utterin a howl uv
rage, he sprang after em. Two leeps sufficed, and
he wrenched the States from their grasp, but not,
however, ontil Vallandygum had bit a thunderin
slice out uv Ohio, and Sharswood one nearly ez
large out uv Pennsylvany.
At this pint I awoke. The mornin sun wuz a
sendin her brilliant beams thro the winders uv
Bascom's. Around me lay the prostrate forms uv
Deekin Pogram, Bascom, Captain McPelter, Issaker
Gavitt, and the others who hed bin with me the nite
afore. They wuz a sleepin and a snorin ez peacefly
ez men ever did. The doors hed bin left open, and
the villagers — the early birds who are alluz around
ketchin the worm — hed collected at the door. They
did not vencher in, not knowin how sound asleep
we wuz, ontil — ez one uv em told me afterward —
open door and root about among us, gruntin approvinly,
ez tho it reminded him uv his childhood's
day, wich indeed it did, ez he hed alluz bin fed at a
distillery; and then, satisfied that we wuz trooly
asleep, they walked in and helped themselves to
refreshments at the bar. Turnin them out quietly,
with a stingin rebook for their dishonesty in takin
advantage uv one helpless ez Bascom wuz, I emptied
the contents uv his drawer, and seekoorin it in
my boot, lay down ez tho I wuz asleep, till they
shood awake. In an hour he awoke, and diskivered
that he hed bin gone thro.
“Who cood hev done it?” sed he.
“My dear friend,” sed I, “yoo wuz injudishus
enuff to leave your door open. See ther!” and I
pinted to the villagers a reelin thro the street.
“They're virtuous, but yoo put ther integrity to a
test wich it coodent stand. Ther wuz too much
pressure to the square inch on ther conshences, and
they collapst. Let it be a warnin to yoo. I don't
know that I cood hev resisted it, hed I awakened
first.” And I awakened the Deekin, and helped
him home, stayin with him, uv course, to breakfast.
(Wich is Postmaster).
| XXXV. Ekkoes from Kentucky | |