University of Virginia Library

23. XXIII.

THE Raleigh trip scarcely over, His Serene
Highness determined upon acceptin the Boston
invitashen. His corjel recepshen in North Karliny
give him a sort uv appetite for popler applause,
and he determined upon tryin it in the North agin.
At the Cabinet meetin held to discuss the question,
Seward expressed a desire to go. Welles follered
Seward; but Randall, who, sence the decease of
Sir Isik Newton, is considered the strongest man
connected with the Administrashen, and therefore
assooms diktatorial airs, opposed it.

“But,” sed Johnson, “I feel ez though I must
make one more effort to save our errin Southren
brethren.”

“Mr. President,” retortid Randall, “I recently
went to raise a corner-stun to the memry uv yoor
lamentid father, who deceest in 1812, onto wich
wuz engraved these words: —

“Now, ef yoo persist in yoor loonacy, I shel be
compelled, after a time, in my quiet Wisconsin
home, where an appreciative constitooency will
permit me to forever stay, to indite an epitaff for
the corner-stun over your politikle grave, wich I
shel do thus: —

“But upon sekond thot I've no objeckshun to this
toor. Yoo kin do us no damage ef yoo deliver only
sich speeches ez we determine upon before hand.

Yoo go thro Delaware, which is ourn; Noo Gersey
yoo've bin thro wunst, and they know wat to expect;
New York will give a enthoosiastic recepshun ef
Morrisy and Wood will take holt uv it, — Seward,
telegraff em, — and in Connecticut yoor certain uv a
corjel resepshen. That State is full uv demoralized
Yankee Dimocrats, who hev bin out to Michigan,
and left there all ther Puritanism, bringin back with
em, in its stead, all the cussidnis indigenous to that
soil, wich cussidness, grafted onto ther natral cutenis,
makes em rather enterprisin in ther worthlisnis.
In Boston itself, the prospeck is good. There'll be
a immense crowd present to dedicate the Masonik
Temple, wich we shell claim the credit uv bringin,
ez we did the throngs which come to see us on the
toor north, but wich wood persist in hollerin `Grant!'
The trooly good men uv Boston are Ablishnists; but
there's some thousands wich want offices, and them,
with a sprinklin uv Demokrats and Conservatives,
ought to make us a handsome recepshen. There is
yet men in Boston who used to return fugitive slaves,
and ther is besides the eminently respectable gentlemen
who are so conservative that they hold onto
sin becoz it's old and established by precedent, and
so aristocratic that they won't do right, jist becoz
doin rite is a quite common thing in that secksun;
who hold onto the cote-tale uv progress, and holler
`Stop!' and who, ef they tie theirselves to a good
cause, load it down with their dignity. Like the
2d Lootenants uv '61, their baggage is worth mor'n
they are. But the trip won't hurt us. You can't
make the Ablishnists more Ablishn, and them ez
foller us for the loaves and fishes we dispense, wood
still foller us, ef the road we took led ez strate
through perdishen ez a pigeon wood fly. It may be
that it's the method by wich we shel finally carry
Noo England. Pope sez, —

“Now, ef we follered the poet no further, we shood
never go, but each one wood keep ez close in his
respective apartment ez possible. But, knowin mankind,
he goes on: —

“That's it. We must be seen too oft. We must
make em familiar with our face. Ef we stay long
enuff, I don't despair uv seein Boston givin yoo an
ovashen, and seein yoo locked in the arms uv Wendell
Phillips. Ef they commence pityin you, the
reackshen will take them to the embracin, and it

seems ez though they ought to be at that pint by
this time. And then ef yoo make this toor, and say
nothing ideotik, the very novelty uv it will direct
attention from wat we've desided to do with Sheridan,
Sickles, Pope, et al. It will bewilder the
people.”

And so it wuz desided to go. Thro Delaware
the resepshens wuz all that we desired, and in Maryland
the people come in crowds to greet us; tho the
cheers partook so much uv the nacher uv the cheerful
yells wich the Confedrit soljers employed when
they charged, that Sekretary Seward's nerves wuz
somewat shockt. Ez Philadelphy didn't offer us the
hospitalities uv the city, we didn't stop ther at all.
The train run around it, the President's nose bein
elevatid all the time ez tho he smelt suthin. When
it had finally passed, Mr. Randall announst the fact,
and the Presidenshel face assoomed its yoosual
benine expression ez we glided into the sacred soil
uv Noo Gersey.

In Noo York, Morrissy hed done his part. Ther
wuz spectable bodies uv cheerers at the pints agreed
upon, and, ez they hed bin paid librally, the spontaneous
enthoosiasm wuz ez good in quality ez it
wuz large in quantity. Occasionally a cheerer,
wich hed taken too much uv his wages in advance,

wood yell for Jeff'son Davis, but it wuzn't notist.
It didn't mar the pleasant uniformity uv the proceedins,
or strike anybody ez bein singler. They
tried terrible hard to get a speech out uv us, and
the President wuz willin; but Randall, seein that
the Herald and Triboon hed reporters present, supprest
him, and got him off to bed comparatively
sober, and very early.

Arrivin at Boston, I wuz surprized at the length,
depth, and breadth uv the enthoosiasm wich greeted
us. Ez ef to show ther greef at the death uv Presidents,
we notist everywhere the portraits of our predecessor,
Linkin, draped in mournin, at wich the
President dropt a tear, sayin, “See how they mourn
us wen we're everlastinly gone!” Ther wuz a sort
uv subdood enthoosiasm, a kind uv half-mournin
gladnis, ef I may say so, wich wuz gratifyin.

We wuz receeved by Gov'nor Bullock, whose
speech wuz a noble triboot to the President. “I
welcome yoo,” sed he, “to Massachoosits. Many
Presidents hev visited Noo England, and this visit,
like theirn, excites devoshen to the Yoonion, and
respeck for them, wich, in their offishel posishen,
respeck the government uv the whole country. Our
desire is to manifest our regard for those who, in
offishel capacity, respeck the Nashnel Yoonion,

wich is to say, we respeck the Nashnel Yoonion.
I trust the President will stay long enuff to enable
us to manifest our high regard for — (here the President's
face brightened up) YOOR OFFIS! (the President
turned frightfully red, wich Bullock, whose
principles wuz a rasslin a back holt with his politeness,
notist, and he added) — AND TO YOO, PERSONALLY!”

Ez them last words ishood slowly and despritly,
the President's face lighted up. He tendered him
thanks for the resepshun. He woodent undertake
to conceel emoshens which agitated him at this personel
welcome upon the soil uv Massachoosits. It
wuzn't necessary for him to go into the histry uv
Massachoosets ez he wuz in the habit uv doin
further South, ez those afore him wuz probably ez
familyer with it ez he wuz; but he wood ashoor
em, for their encouragement, that the histry uv Massachoosits,
in conneckshn with the histry uv these
States, hez become a part uv the histry uv the country;
and therefore, in visitin Massachoosits under
sich pekoolyer circumstances, it is pekoolyerly gratifyin
to receeve sich a welcome. In regard to yoor
remarks tetchin the preservashen uv these States, I
trust I may say without egotism, a vice wich I hev
never bin accused uv, and from wich I may say no

one is more singlerly free than myself, I yield to no
patriot, livin or dead, in my devoshen, to that purpose.
I dislike speekin, ez I kin trooly say that I
am not loquashus; but when trooth, wich I love,
and the coz uv humanity, wich I tie to, is at stake,
I hev spoke. I may say, without egotism, that I
live for principle; and I thank the people uv Massachoosits,
wich my visit hez drawd to Boston, for the
outburst uv regard wich greets me. Without egotism
I may say, that it's a outburst ekalled by few
and excelled by none ever given a President in the
Yoonited States or elsewhere; and it is my prayer
that comin in contact with me will do the people
uv Boston good. Yoor remarks, not referrin direckly
to me, on the Rooshn purchis, and a more
economical collecshin uv the internal revenue, also
meets my corjel approbashen, lovin ez I do my common
country.”

Randall pulled at his coat-tale, when the President
remarkt that he might say, without egotism,
that he didn't desire to make a speech, and stopt.
We brought him off in comparatively good order.

We stopt at the Tremont House. It is a good
hotel, and the waiters are ez they ought to be, niggers.
It's soothin to a troo Dimekrat to be waited
on by a nigger. Yoo kin damn a nigger waiter,

but put a white man in that posishen and yoo feel
a delicacy about it. When we retired, the President
insisted that I shood sleep lyin across the doorway
uv his room.

“Why?” asked I.

“I am in Boston,” replied he, “wher they stun
the prophets. Boston dislikes me. Boston wears
to-day a smilin face; but wot kind uv a hart does
that smilin face conceal? Sumner lives in Boston,
and so does Phillips. In Boston they elect niggers
to the Legislacher, and are tryin to stop the sale uv
whiskey. Wot kind uv a place is that for a Dimekratic
President to trust hisself into? Yoo sleep
across my doorway, and ef a band uv Ablishnists,
deemin me their foe, shood strive to enter, they
wood hev to first sheath their daggers in yoor body.
Meanwhile I wood escape, and continyoo to live
for my lovd country. You cood, by preparin beforehand
a few impressive last words, make a gorjus
death uv it, and do the coz good. For instance, ez
Sumner stuck yoo, yoo cood gasp, “Slay me, but
spare A. J., the hope uv the Republic.” Or, ez
Wilson struck yoo down with a bludgeon, yoo mite
exclaim, “I die willinly for the Constitooshen with
36 stars onto it.” Any little quotashen from any uv
my speeches, joodiciously throwd in under sich circumstances,

wood do good. Yoo will sleep ther
to-night; and remember, in case you are called upon
to die, the proper quotashens.”

Seward concurred, but Randall objectid. He
didn't anticipate any sich danger. Ef Boston wants
to git rid uv the President, they hev a shorter way
than assassinashen. Rash politishuns only assassinate
them wich they can't find cause to impeach.
But he wuzn't afraid uv Boston. We stood a better
chance uv dying of excessive hospitality in Boston
than uv bein stabbed. Our stomachs mite protrude
in Boston, but our bowels never. Boston wood feast
us, for ther are enuff men in Boston who want posishen
to keep us a goin a year or two. He feared
dyspepsia more than daggers, and hed no fears uv
the wine bein pizened.

Nevertheless, I wuz forst to sleep in that posishen,
wich I did, wakin up in the mornin ez sore and stiff
ez a plow-hoss. I don't know how far the trip will
be extended.