University of Virginia Library

PREFIS,
OR
INTERDUCTRY CHAPTER.

SKOLARS, and men wich wuzn't skolars,
hev deprekated the manufakter uv so many
books. Whether they were justified or not in
their strikters, it doesn't become me to say.
Probably they wood say to me, ef I should consult
em (wich I shel not), “Don't publish this
book; there's reely no okkashun for it!”
There isn't? Did the capchus adviser see the
state uv my pants? Did he observe the wreckt
condishun of my boots? Is he aware that I
am in arrears for board? Not publish my book!
Kin I so far forget my dooty to humanity?
Nary. Its publikashen will at least do ONE
suffrin man good, and that's more than half uv
the writers kin say. What recks it that that

one is ME? Wat posterity will say I don't
know; neither do I care. I ain't labrin for posterity;
neither did my father, else I hed bin
better off. Posterity may assign me a niche
in the temple uv massive intellex, or may not;
it's all one to the subscriber. I woodn't give a
ten-cent postal currency for wat the next generashen
will do for me. It's this generashen
I'm goin for. So much for Buckinham!

When I last communed with my readers,
Democrisy wuz about the most bustid institooshen
in this country. Dimocrisy hed undertook
to carry the President, and it broke down
under the load. Then the President undertook
to carry the Dimocrisy, and he broke down
under that load. Both were sootable to be carried,
but neither hed the strength to carry the
tother. And so, doorin the winter, spring, and
summer they lay, both at the bottom uv the
ditch uv despondency, lookin helplessly at each
other, but neither able to help his fellow-suffrer.
They wood hev embraced, but they hedn't
strength enuff to roll together.

The Fall elections revived us. The Ablishnists

uv Maine didn't vote, wich give our
people in Californy strength; the carryin uv
that State discouraged em in Ohio and Pennsylvany,
wich, follered up, give us the overwhelmin
triumph in Noo York. That give us life;
that infused vigger into us. It operatid like a invigorator
— a stiff wun — does onto the bowels
uv a Kentuckian whose flask is out, and who
hezn't bin neer a bar-room for thirty-six hours.
It wuz strengthenin.

These confliks may be considered the skirmishin
percedin the main battle. We hev
druv in their outposts; shel we be ez successful
when we storm their works? Upon the anser
to that conundrum depends much. Ef we do,
then shel the Post Offis wich I now hold be
mine four years longer; then shel I still enjoy
the conjenial society uv them wich long assosiashen
with hez made deer; then for four years
will my sustenance be ashoored. That will do
me. I probably wont eggsist longer. Within
that time my venerable biler, now weakened in
spots, will hev bustid, and I shel hev gone to
join Elder Gavitt, wherever he may be.

We kin conker, however, and we must. We
hev the Ablishnists onto the hip. They endorst
the nigger in 1863 and 4, and the people stood
it becoz they needed him. It didn't become the
city, wich hed filled its quota with nigger troops,
to go back on the Ethiopian. Neither did it
look well for the Ablishnist, who praised em for
ther devoshun at Petersburg, etcetra, to deny
that they wuz a man and a brother. But now
the Nigger ain't needed. Grim war hez
smoothed his wrinkled front, and we are caprin
gayly in my lady's chamber to the lascivious
soundins uv the loot. Now, the servis the
nigger rendered us fades out uv our remembrance,
wich it does faster than his color did in
strikly Democratic States under the old arrangement.
They don't want him any more; and,
glory! he's the same d—d nigger he alluz wuz.
So duz the wholesome prejudis again color swallow
up gratitood! So does the pride uv race
smother wat the thin-skind uv the Radikels call
justis!

It is onto this string we must harp. The
Democrisy hev alluz conkered when they went

calmly on — secoor in the beleef that all mankind
wuz either ninnies or raskels. They ain't
fur out uv the way. The nigger is now onfit
for citizenship — let it be our dooty to see that
he continues onfit. Shood he rise to an intellektooal
level with us, we are out uv an argument
agin. The law agin schoolin uv em
must be enforced; the laws regulatin their labor
must be made ez stringent ez ever; for ef
they are allowed to go unregulated, the Ablishnists
will say to-wunst that sich ain't nessary.
We must keep a worritin, and pokin, and
punchin this lion, that his roarin may show the
necessity uv our bein kep in power to restrain
him.

I bleeve in commencin early. Let outrages
by niggers be commenst to-wunst. Let niggers
be found dead uv starvashen ez soon ez
possible. Let the shuddrin uv Democratic
damsels over the horrors uv bein forst to contract
matermonyel alliances with niggers be got
up immejitly, and let ther shudders be strong.
Let the heresy uv the Noo York World, that
niggers don't stink, be refooted by a body uv

Dimekratic ethnologists, who shel assert that
they do, and make oath to it; and, in short, let
all the old machinery, wich served us so well in
days gone by, be set in moshen agin, and all
will be well with us.

Then shel we conker. Then shel we regain
that wich we lost in 1860, and in the haven uv
success, feedin fat onto the manna uv public
patronage, enjoy for a time the felicity of livin
under Dimekratic laws, made by Dimekrats,
and executed by Dimekrats.