University of Virginia Library

34. XXXIV.

FEELIN that the time hed arrived which wuz
to decide whether 7,000 degradid niggers wuz
to grind 500,000 proud Caucashens into the dust,
I felt that ef I shood fail in my dooty now, I shood
be forever disgraced. Accordingly, I put in on elekshun
day at a Dimocratic town in Ohio — the battlefield
— the identikle place into wich I made a speech
doorin the campane.

I arrived ther on the mornin uv the elekshun, and
found that comperhensive arrangements hed bin
made for defeatin this most nefarus and dangerous
proposishen. Paradin the streets ez early ez 7 A. M.
wuz a wagon containin 25 virgins, runnin from 27
to 31, the most uv em ruther wiry in texture, and

[ILLUSTRATION]

OHIO ELECTION. Page 288.

[Description: 633EAF. Illustration page. Image of several women in a wagon; a sign behind them reads "FATHERS SAVE US FROM NIGGER EKALITY! WHITE HUSBANS OR NUN!]

over their heads wuz banners, with the followin
techin inscriptions: “Fathers, save us from Nigger
Ekality!” “White Husbans or nun!” It wood
hev bin better, I thot, hed they bin somewhat
younger. Ther wuz suthin preposterous in the ijea
uv females uv that age callin upon fathers to save
em from anythin, when in the course of nacher their
fathers must hev bin a lyin in the silent tomb for
several consecutive years, onless, indeed, they marrid
young. Ef still livin (I judged from the aged appearance
uv the damsels), their parents must be too
far advanced in yeers to take an activ part in biznis.
In anuther wagon wuz a collekshun uv men wich
hed bin hired from the railrode, twelve miles distant,
whose banners read, “Shel ignerent Niggers
vote beside intelligint Wite men?” and the follerin
verse: —

It okkurd to me that it wood hev done better hed
their spellin bin more akkerit; but upon inquiry I
found that it didn't make no difference. That wuz
the pervailin way of spellin things in that vicinity.
Hangin over the polls wuz a broad peece uv white

muslin, onto wich was painted, in large letters,
“Caucashuns, Respeck yer Noses — the nigger
stinks!” Then I knowed it wuz safe. That odor
hez never yet bin resisted by the Democrasy, and it
hez its inflooence over Republikins.

I never saw sich enthoosiasm, or more cheerin indicasuns
uv the pride uv race. Ez evidence uv the
deep feeling that pervaded that community, I state
that nine paupers in the poor-house demanded to be
taken to the polls, that they might enter their protest
agin bringin the nigger up to a ekality with em,
wich wuz nine gain with no offsets, ez ther wuzn't
an Ablishnist in the institooshun. Two men, in the
county jale for petty larceny, wuz, at their own
rekest, taken out of doorance vile by the Sheriff uv
the county, that they mite, by the ballot, protest agin
bein degraded by bein compelled, when their time
wuz out, to acknowledge the nigger ez their ekal.
One enthoosiastic Dimekrat, who cost us $5, hed to
be carried to the polls. He hed commenced early
at one uv the groseries, and hed succumbd afore
votin. We found him sleepin peacefully in a barn.
We lifted the patriotic man, and in percession
marched to the polls. We stood him on his feet,
two men supportin him — one on either side. I
put a straight ticket into his fingers, and takin his

wrist with one hand, held his fingers together with
tother, and guided his hand to the box. Ez it
neared the winder, he started ez ef a electric shock
hed struck him, and, straightenin up, asked, “Is it
the sthrate ticket? Is Constooshnel Amindmint
No! onto it?”

Ashoorin him that it wuz all rite, he suffered me
to hold his hand out to the Judge uv Eleckshun,
who took the ballot and deposited it in the box.
“Thank Hivin!” sed he, “the nagur is not yet
my ayquil!” and doublin up at the thigh and knee-joints,
he sank, limber-like, and gently, onto the
ground. Ez he hed discharged the dooty uv an
Amerikin freeman, we rolled him out to one side
uv the house, wher the drippin uv the rain from the
roof wood do suthin toward soberin him off, and
left him alone in his glory.

The Amendment got but a very few votes in that
locality. The Republikins jined us in repudiatin it,
mostly upon ethnologikle grounds. One asserted
that he hed bin in favor uv emancipashen in time
uv war, becoz the Afrikin cood thereby be indoost
to fite agin their Southern masters, and it wood hev
the effeck uv makin the drafts come lighter in his
township. He wuz a humanitarian likewise. He
opposed crooelty toward em. He wept when he

heerd uv the massacre at Fort Piller, becoz in the
army the nigger wuz ez much a man ez anybody,
and sich wholesale slaughters tendid to make calls
for “500,000 more” more frekent. But when it
come to givin uv em the privilege uv votin beside
him, it coodent be thot uv. He cood never consent
that a race whose heels wuz longer than hizzen
shood rool Ameriky. “My God!” sed this
ardent Republikin, “ef you give em the ballot,
wat kin prevent em from bein Congrismen, Senators,
Vice-Presidents, and even Presidents? I shudder
when I think uv it;” and he hurried in his vote.

I didn't quite see the force uv his objecshen, for
it never okkurred to me that bein sent to Congris
wuz the nateral consekence uv votin. I hev voted
for thirty years, at many elections four or five times,
but I hev never bin to Congris. Wher is the constitooency
wich wood elect me? But it wuzn't my
biznis to controvert his posishen. It made no diffrence
to me wat his reason wuz for votin ez I
desired him to vote.

The nigger-lovers beat up one man to vote for the
Amendment, wich, I saw by his dissatisfied look,
hed bin over-perswadid. “Sir!” sed I, “do yoo
consider a Afrikin suffishently intelligent to be
trustid with so potent a weapon ez the ballot?”

Bustin away from them wich hed him in charge,
he exclaimed, “No, I don't! I can't vote for it.
They ain't intelligent enuff. Sir, scratch off the
`Yes' from my ballot, and put onto it `No!'”

“Here is a pensil,” sed I.

“Do it yerself,” sed he; “I can't write.”

And I did it. Sich is the effeck uv a word in
season. Words fitly spoken is apples uv gold, set
in picters uv silver.

One man woodent listen to me, but votid the
Amendment. He hed bin a soljer, and for eleven
months pertook uv the hospitality uv the Confedrits
at Andersonville. Escapin, he wuz helped to the
Fedrel lines by a nigger, who wuz flogged almost to
death, in his site, for not betrayin wher he wuz hid.
I mite ez well hev talked to a lamp-post. Ez he
shoved in his ballot, he remarkt suthin about he'd
ruther see a nigger vote than a d—d rebel, any time.
From the direckshun uv his eye-site, I persoom he
referred to me.

I left for home ez soon ez the votes wuz counted,
and the result wuz made known, only waitin till the
poll-books wuz made out, and the judges uv eleckshun
hed got ther names written by the clerks, and
hed made their marks to em. On my way home
I wuz gratified to see how the nateral antipathy to

the nigger hed revived. At Cincinati, the nite uv
the eleckshn, they wuz bangin uv em about, the
patriotic Democrisy goin for em wherever they cood
find em, and the next day, ez I saw em at the
ralerode stashens, they hed, generally speekin, ther
heds bandaged. It wuz cheerin to me, and I
gloated over it.

Full of gladnis, I entered Kentucky, and joyfully
I wendid my way to the Corners. I wuz the bearer
uv tidins uv great joy, and my feet wuz pleasant
onto the mountins. Ez I walked into Bascom's,
they all saw in my face suthin uv importance.

“Wat is it?” sed Deekin Pogram. “Is it weal
or woe?”

“Is the proud Caucashen still in the ascendant in
Ohio, or hez the grovelin Afrikin ground him into
the dust?” askt Issaker Gavitt.

“My friend,” sed I, takin up the Deekin's whisky,
wich, in the eggscitement uv the moment, he
didn't observe, “the Constitooshnel Amendment,
givin the nigger ekal rites, hez bin voted down by
the liberty-lovin freemen uv Ohio. Three cheers
for Ohio.”

They wuz given with a will. The wildest enthoosiasm
wuz awakened. Bascom put a spigot in a
fresh barl, and the church bells wuz set a ringin.

The niggers wore a dismayed look, and got out uv
the way ez soon ez possible. A meetin wuz to-wunst
organized. Deekin Pogram spoke. He felt
that this wuz a proud day. Light wuz breakin.
The dark clouds uv fanaticism wuz breakin away.
We hed now the Afrikin under our feet. We hev
got him in his normal posishen in Ohio, and, please
God, we will soon hev him likewise in Kentucky.
He moved the adopshen uv the follerin resolooshens:—

“Wareas, Noer cust Canan, and condemned
him to be a servant unto his brethren, thereby
cleerly indikatin the status uv the race for all time
to come to be one uv inferiority; and,

“Wareas, To further show to the eyes uv the
most obtoose that a diffrence wuz intended, the Almighty
gave the nigger a diffrent anatomicle struckter,
for full partikelars uv wich see the speeches uv
the Demokratic stumpers doorin the late campaign;
and,

“Wareas, The attempt to place the nigger on
an ekality with the white in votin ez well ez taxashun,
we consider the sappin uv the very foundashun
uv civil liberty, ez well ez uv the Crischen
religion; therefore,

“Resolved, That the Constooshnel and Biblikle
Democracy uv Kentucky send greetin to their brethren
uv Ohio, with thanks for their prompt and effectooal
squelchin uv the idea uv nigger superiority.

“Resolved, That to the Republikins uv Ohio,
who, risin above party considerashuns, voted agin
suffrage, our thanks is due, and we congratulate em
that now they, ez well ez us, are saved from the
danger uv marryin niggers; and likewise do we
asshoor em, that in a spirit uv mutual forbearance,
we care not wat particular creed they perfess, so
long ez they vote our principles.

“Resolved, That the will uv the people havin
bin cleerly indikated, we demand the insershun uv
the word `white' in the Constitooshun uv the Yoonited
States.

“Resolved, That we ask the colored voters uv
Tennessee, and other States where colored men hev
votes, to observe how they are treated in Ohio,
where the Ablishnists don't need em. In them
States we extend to em a corjel invitashun to act
with us.

“Resolved, That a copy uv these resolooshens be
sent to President Johnson, with an ashoorance uv
our unabated confidence in his integrity, patriotism,
and modisty.”

The meetin broke up with three cheers for the
Dimocracy uv Ohio, nine for the Republikins uv
that State, and one for the State at large.

The Fakulty uv the Institoot met next mornin,
for the purpus uv revisin the Scripters. It wuz
desided that the word “white” should be insertid
wherever necessary, and that that edishen only be
yoosed by the Dimocracy and Conservativ Republikins.
We made progress, the follerin bein a few
uv the changes:—

“`So God creatid a white man in his own
image.'

“`Whosoever, therefore, shell confess me before
white men,' &c.

“`Suffer little white children to come unto me,
for uv sich is the kingdom uv Heaven.'”

Wich last is comfortin, ez it shows that the distincshen
is kept up through all eternity. I give
these merely ez samples. We shel hev it finisht in
a few days, and, ef funds kin be raised, shel publish
it. Sich a vershun uv the Skripters is needid.

I find the Demekratic mind is exercised over the
question uv the succession to Wade. My voice is
for Vallandygum. Never wuz there sich a saint,

never wuz ther a man so abused by the tyranikel
minions of irresponsible power. He hez suffered
for us, and now he must hev his reward. It hez
bin urged that the ten cent colleckshun in 1863
was suffishent pay for his marterdom. I deny it.
I know all about it. He got nothin uv it. Every
Demekrat in Ohio who hed taxes to pay, or who
wanted a new pare uv pants, or whose boots needed
half solin, took up a colleckshun for Vallandygum.
I know that's so, for I wuz a Demekrat in Ohio,
laborin under pekooniary embarasments in them
days myself. Let Vallandygum hev the place he
so well earned.