University of Virginia Library

6. VI.

I WUZ rekested a week ago to preech a discourse
from the text wich the noble and high-minded
Guvner Bramlette used with sich crushin force in
his last annual message, to wit: “Kin the Leopard
change his spots or the Ethiopian his skin?” and
alluz feelin anxious to do wat I kin for the cause,
I did it last nite, or rather essayed to do it.

And here let me remark, that there ain't a more
devoted people in Kentucky than them lambs ez
compose my flock. It wuz a tetchin site, and one
wich filled my sole with joy, to see em pour out uv
the groceries at the first tootin uv the horn, and to
see Pennebacker, wich owns the Distillery, stoppin
work to come, but the most cheerin and encouragin

sign to me wuz to see Deekin Pogram,
who was playin seven-up for the drinks with Elder
Slathers, at Bascom's, lay down his hand when
he hed high low and jack in it, and hed only three
to go. “Elder,” sed he, his voice tremblin at the
sacrifice he wuz a makin, and a tear steelin down
his cheek, “Elder, them's the horn. Let us to our
dooties. 'Ligion must take the front seat uv temp'ral
matters,” and sighin ez he cast a partin glance
at his hand, he strode out resolootly to the sanktooary.

I opened by readin the follerin from Guvner
Bramlette's message.

“`The nigger is the inferior uv the white —
he lacks the power to rise. Ontil the Leopard kin
change his spots, or the Ethiopian his skin, all
efforts to repeal or nullify God's laws will be unavailin.

“My bretherin, these words is words uv wisdom,
and fur em let us be thankful. The skin uv the
Ethiopian wuz inflicted onto him for the express
purpose uv distingishin him from his bretherin,
whose servants he wuz condemned to be, for all
time, ez a punishment for the sin uv Cain or the
improodence uv Ham, wich Democratic divines
heven't settled on. With the black skin he wuz

given all the other marks uv inferiority. He wuz
cust with long arms, immense hands, flat nose, and
bowed legs, and that ther mite be no mistake in
the matter, he wuz given wool instead uv hair.
Halleloogy!

“Ah, my brethern, wat a blessid thing for us is
this Ethiopian! Wat a consolation it must be to
yoo all to know that ther is a race below yoo, and
how blessid the refleckshun that they can't change
ther skin, and by that means git above yoo! That's
the comfort we draw from the skripters. Wat a
horror it wood be for Deekin Pogram, who is
snorin so peacefly,

ef when the Soopreme Court decides the Ablishn
amendment unconstooshnl, and he gits his niggers
back agin; ef ther shood be a new dispensashun,
and niggers shood be permitted to change ther
skins! Wat sekoority wood we hev for our property?
Some mornin he'd wake up and find em
all white persons, wich it wood be unconstooshnel
to wollop.

“My brethern, ther hez bin many efforts to
change the skin uv the Ethiopian, or rather ther
hez bin many who wanted to. The Boston Ablishnists

hev tried it, but wat hez bin the result?
Ain't they niggers yit, and ain't they still the degraded
wretches they alluz wuz? I paws for a
reply.”

I made this latter remark becoz, and only becoz,
it sounded well, not that I hed any idee that anybody
wood reply. Imagine my surprise at seein a
gray-headed nigger, wich hed bin, doorin and after
the fratrisidle struggle, employed in the Freedman's
Burow, rise, and remark that he hed a word to say
onto that pint. There wuz a storm uv indignashun,
and the impudent nigger, who wuz so sassy ez to
presoom to speek in a white meetin, wood hev bin
sacrificed on the spot, hed not Joe Bigler, who wuz
half drunk, drawd a ugly-lookin navy revolver, and
remarkin that he knowd that nigger, that he hed
more sense than the hull bilin uv us, and he shood
hev his say.

“Ef,” sed this recklis Joe, “ef he beats yoo, Perfesser,
trooth is trooth; lets hev it. Ef he don't,
why, it's all the better for yoo. Ef yoor Websterian
intelleck kivers the ground, all rite; ef his
ponderous intellek gets the best on't, jist ez rite.
`Out uv the mouths uv babes and sucklins.' Elder,
I go my bottom dollar on this sucklin. Speek up,
venerable: there won't none uv em tech yoo;” and
he cockt his revolver.

“Beggin pardon,” sed the nigger, “I agree with
yoo, Perfesser, that the Ethiopian can't change his
skin hisself, but does the Scripter say that it can't
be changed for him?”

“Anser the venrable babe,” sed Joe Bigler, pintin
his revolver at me.

“I can't say that it does,” sez I.

“Very good,” retorted the nigger, “hezn't there
a change bin a goin on in Kaintuck from the beginnin?
My mother wuz ez black ez a crow —
I'm considble lighter — my wife's a half lighter than
I am — my gal's childern is a half lighter than their
mother, and I want to know wat Guvner Bramlette's
got to say to that. The white man ain't got
no cuss onto him, hez he?”

“Speek up Perfesser — the sucklin wants yoo to
be prompt,” sed Joe Bigler.

I answered that “he hed not — that it wuz piled
onto Ham or Cain and their desendants, and nobody
else.”

“Very well, then,” sed the nigger, chucklin all
over, “ez I am only half Ham or Cain (wich, you
hevn't decided), then uv coarse there's only half a
cuss onto me, only a quarter onto my wife, only an
eighth onto my daughters, only a sixteenth onto my
daughters' childern, and there's lots uv niggers in

this yer visinity wat hezn't got the thirty-sekkund
or the sixty-fouth part uv it hangin to em. Guvner
Bramlette also sed suthin bout niggers bein degraded
coz twuz their nacher, didn't he, and that
edducashen woodent do for em?”

“Perfesser,” sed the tormentin Bigler, wich hed
just whisky enuff into him to be ugly, “I must remind
yoo that the partikeler babe and sucklin, out
uv whose mouth yoor bein immensely condemned,
expex prompt ansers, or rather I, his guardian and
pertecter do.”

I ansered that sich wuz the tenor uv the Guvner's
remarks.

“Ef that's troo, why don't the mulattoes come
up faster? Ef it's the nateral stoopidity uv the nigger,
the white man ain't effected by it, and the
mulatto only half. I are 'quainted with the heft
uv the people afore me, and I'll bet my last year's
wages, wich Deekin Pogram ain't paid yit, that half
uv em can't read any mor'n I kin. 'Pears to me
I'd like to hev Guvner Bramlette take the load off
us for a year two and see whether we'd rise or not.
We moutn't and then agin we mout. But I ruther
think its a leetle too much to put a millstone on top
uv a man and then kick him for not gettin up.”

“Bully!” sed Joe Bigler. “Go on! go on!”

“It ain't just square playin to make all sorts uv
laws agin our risin, to flog us for hevin spellin-books,
to make it a penitentiary offence to learn to
read, and to burn our skool houses, and then because
we ain't just ready to enter college, to insist
on't that we are naterally incapable. And above
all, ain't it presoomin a little to charge it onto the
Lord? Ain't yoo mistakin your own work for
hizzen? 'Praps ef Guvner Bramlette's father hed
bin flogg'd for wantin to learn to read, and Guvner
Bramlette's mother hed bin brought up ez a feeld
hand, and the same strategy hed bin practised on
Guvner Bramlette's grandfather, and great grandfather,
and great, great grandfather, and great,
great, great grandfather, and his great —”

“Hold on, venerable,” sed Joe Bigler, “don't
enumerate. Jest say his ancestors, back to the
identicle time they wuz slaves to them Normans,
wich held his projenitors jist ez closely ez yoo've
bin held, and it'll be suffishent. But go on.”

“I plead guilty to the big hands, flat nose, and
bowd legs. Possibly the first nigger hed em —
possibly not. Ef Guvner Bramlette's father, and
his grand-fa — wich is to say ancestors, hed bin
kept at the hoe, his hands wood hev bin ez big
ez mine; ef they'd borne burdens forever his legs

wood be bowed, and ef ther noses hed bin perpetooally
smasht hizzen wood be flatter than it is.”

“Hev yoo eny more questions to put to the Perfesser?”
sed Joseph.

“No,” replied the Ethiopian, “I hev sed my
say.”

“Then,” sed this Bigler, wich wuz gettin more
and more reckless every minnit, “I dismiss this congregashun,
with this remark, that that nigger is under
my protectin care, and ef a single lock uv his
wool is disturbed, I shel feel it a sollum but painful
dooty devolvin upon me, to put a ball into the carcass
uv each uv the offishls uv this Church, commencin
with the Paster, and continuin all the way
down to the scribe. Git!”

And pell-mell the congregashen piled out — one
over another.

It will be necessary to dispose of Joe Bigler
somehow. He lost wat property he hed in the
war, and is becoming exceedingly loose in his talk.
He can't be tolerated long.