 | The collected works of Ambrose Bierce |  |
R
Rank, n.
[He held at court a rank so high]
He held at court a rank so highThat other noblemen asked why.
“Because,” 'twas answered, “others lack
His skill to scratch the royal back.”
Rash, adj.
[Now lay your bet with mine, nor let]
“Now lay your bet with mine, nor letThese gamblers take your cash.”
“Nay, this child makes no bet.” “Great snakes!
How can you be so rash?”
Reach, n.
The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.
[This is a truth, as old as the hills]
This is a truth, as old as the hills,That life and experience teach:
The poor man suffers that keenest of ills,
An impediment in his reach.
Reading, n.
The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in “dialect” and humor in slang.
[We know by one's reading]
We know by one's readingHis learning and breeding;
By what draws his laughter
We know his Hereafter.
Read nothing, laugh never—
The Sphinx was less clever!
Recruit, n.
[Fresh from the farm or factory or street]
Fresh from the farm or factory or street,His marching, in pursuit or in retreat,
Were an impressive martial spectacle
Except for two impediments—his feet.
Redemption, n.
Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religion, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.
[We must awake Man's spirit from its sin]
We must awake Man's spirit from its sin,And take some special measure for redeeming it;
Though hard indeed the task to get it in
Among the angels any way but teaming it,
Or purify it otherwise than steaming it.
I'm awkward at Redemption—a beginner:
My method is to crucify the sinner.
Redundant, adj.
[The Sultan said: “There's evidence abundant]
The Sultan said: “There's evidence abundantTo prove this unbelieving dog redundant.”
To whom the Grand Vizier, with mien impressive,
Replied: “His head, at least, appears excessive.”
Habeeb Suleiman.
Renown, n.
A degree of distinction between notoriety and fame—a little more supportable than the one and a little more intolerable than the other. Sometimes it is conferred by an unfriendly and inconsiderate hand.
[I touched the harp in every key]
I touched the harp in every key,But found no heeding ear;
And then Ithuriel touched me
With a revealing spear.
Not all my genius, great as 'tis,
Could urge me out of night.
I felt the faint appulse of his,
And leapt into the light!
Repentance, n.
The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.
[Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell]
Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell,You will repent and join the Church, Parnell?
How needless!—Nick will keep you off the coals
And add you to the woes of other souls.
Reporter, n.
[More dear than all my bosom knows, O thou]
“More dear than all my bosom knows, O thouWhose ‘lips are sealed’ and will not disavow!”
So sang the blithe reporter-man as grew
Beneath his hand the leg-long “interview.”
Resign, v. t.
['Twas rumored Leonard Wood had signed]
A true renunciation
Of title, rank and every kind
Of military station—
Each honorable station.
To noble emulation,
The country humbly was resigned
To Leonard's resignation—
His Christian resignation.
Respite, n.
A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.
[Altgeld upon his incandescent bed]
Lay, an attendant demon at his head.
Some respite from the roast, however brief.
Your friends in Illinois when held in thrall.”
O'er fire unquenched, a never-dying worm.
Your doom I'll mollify and pains abate.
Not even the memory of who you are.”
Heaven trembled as Compassion entered Hell.
As, governing down here, I'd respite thee.”
You thrust from jail consumed in getting back.”
While they were turning him on t'other side.
Responsibility, n.
A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
[Alas, things ain't what we should see]
Alas, things ain't what we should seeIf Eve had let that apple be;
And many a feller which had ought
To set with monarchses of thought,
Or play some rosy little game
With battle-chaps on fields of fame,
Is downed by his unlucky star,
And hollers: “Peanuts!—here you are!”
Retribution, n.
A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
In the lines following, addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father Gassalasca Jape, the reverend poet appears to hint his sense of the imprudence of turning about to face Retribution when it is taking exercise:
[What, what! Dom Pedro, you desire to go]
What, what! Dom Pedro, you desire to goBack to Brazil to end your days in quiet?
Why, what assurance have you 'twould be so?
'Tis not so long since you were in a riot,
And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at
Your throat and shake you like a rat. You know
That empires are ungrateful; are you certain
Republics are less handy to get hurt in?
Review, v. t.
[To set your wisdom holding not a doubt of it]
To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it,Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)
At work upon a book, and so read out of it
The qualities that you have first read into it.
Right, n.
Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have measles, and the like. The first of these rights was once universally believed to be derived directly from the will of God; and this is still sometimes affirmed in partibus infidelium outside the enlightened realms of Democracy; as the well known lines of Sir Abednego Bink, following:
[By what right, then, do royal rulers rule?]
Whose is the sanction of their state and pow'r?
He surely were as stubborn as a mule
Who, God unwilling, could maintain an hour
His uninvited session on the throne, or air
His pride securely in the Presidential chair.
Whate'er occurs, God wills it so. Good land!
It were a wondrous thing if His design
A fool could baffle or a rogue withstand!
If so, then God, I say (intending no offence)
Is guilty of contributory negligence.
Rimer, n.
[The rimer quenches his unheeded fires]
The rimer quenches his unheeded fires,The sound surceases and the sense expires.
Then the domestic dog, to east and west,
Expounds the passions burning in his breast.
The rising moon o'er that enchanted land
Pauses to hear and yearns to understand.
Road, n.
A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
[All roads, howsoe'er they diverge, lead to Rome]
All roads, howsoe'er they diverge, lead to Rome,Whence, thank the good Lord, at least one leads back home.
Rumor, n.
[Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield]
Sharp, irresistible by mail or shield,By guard unparried as by flight unstayed,
O serviceable Rumor, let me wield
Against my enemy no other blade.
His be the terror of a foe unseen,
His the inutile hand upon the hilt,
And mine the deadly tongue, long, slender, keen,
Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.
So shall I slay the wretch without a blow,
Spare me to celebrate his overthrow,
And nurse my valor for another foe.
| The collected works of Ambrose Bierce | |