 | The collected works of Ambrose Bierce |  |
248
P
Peace, n.
[O, what's the loud uproar assailing]
O, what's the loud uproar assailing
Mine ears without cease?
'Tis the voice of the hopeful, all-hailing
The horrors of peace.
Mine ears without cease?
'Tis the voice of the hopeful, all-hailing
The horrors of peace.
249
Ah, Peace Universal; they woo it—
Would marry it, too.
If only they knew how to do it
'Twere easy to do.
Would marry it, too.
If only they knew how to do it
'Twere easy to do.
They're working by night and by day
On their problem, like moles.
Have mercy, O Heaven, I pray,
On their meddlesome souls!
On their problem, like moles.
Have mercy, O Heaven, I pray,
On their meddlesome souls!
Ro Amil.
250
Perseverance, n.
[“Persevere, persevere!” cry the homilists all]
“Persevere, persevere!” cry the homilists all,Themselves, day and night, persevering to bawl.
“Remember the fable of tortoise and hare—
The one at the goal while the other is—where?”
Why, back there in Dreamland, renewing his lease
Of life, all his muscles preserving the peace,
The goal and the rival forgotten alike,
And the long fatigue of the needless hike.
His spirit a-squat in the grass and the dew
Of the dogless Land beyond the Stew,
He sleeps, like a saint in a holy place,
A winner of all that is good in a race.
Sukker Uffro.
252
Physiognomy, n.
[_]
The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.
[“There is no art,” says Shakspeare, foolish man]
“There is no art,” says Shakspeare, foolish man,“To read the mind's construction in the face.”
The physiognomists his portrait scan,
And say: “How little wisdom here we trace!
He knew his face disclosed his mind and heart,
So, in his own defence, denied our art.”
Lavatar Shunk.
253
Picture, n.
[Behold great Daubert's picture here on view]
“Behold great Daubert's picture here on view—Taken from Life.” If that description's true,
Grant, heavenly Powers, that I be taken, too.
Jali Hane.
Pie, n.
[_]
An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.
Cold pie was highly esteemed by the remains.—
The Rev. Dr. Mucker, in a Funeral Sermon Over a British Nobleman.[Cold pie is a detestable]
Cold pie is a detestableAmerican comestible.
That's why I'm done—or undone—
So far from that dear London.
—From the Headstone of a British Nobleman, in Kalamazoo.
Piety, n.
254
[The pig is taught by sermons and epistles]
The pig is taught by sermons and epistlesTo think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.
Judibras.
260
Portable, adj.
[His light estate, if neither he did make it]
His light estate, if neither he did make itNor yet its former guardian forsake it,
Is portable improperty, I take it.
Worgum Slupsky.
262
Precipitate, adj.
[Precipitate in all, this sinner]
Precipitate in all, this sinnerTook action first, and then his dinner.
Judibras.
264
Prehistoric, adj.
[_]
Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
[He lived in a period prehistoric]
He lived in a period prehistoric,When all was absurd and phantasmagoric.
Born later, when Clio, celestial recorder,
Set down great events in succession and order,
He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous
In anything here but the lies that she threw at us.
Orpheus Bowen.
265
Preside, v.
[_]
To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, “He presided at the piccolo.”
[The Headliner, holding the copy in hand]
The Headliner, holding the copy in hand,
Read with a solemn face:
“The music was very uncommonly grand—
The best that was every provided,
For our townsman Brown presided
Read with a solemn face:
“The music was very uncommonly grand—
The best that was every provided,
For our townsman Brown presided
266
At the organ with skill and grace.”
The Headliner discontinued to read,
And, spreading the paper down
On the desk, he dashed in at the top of the screed:
“Great playing by President Brown.”
The Headliner discontinued to read,
And, spreading the paper down
On the desk, he dashed in at the top of the screed:
“Great playing by President Brown.”
Orpheus Bowen.
President, n.
[_]
The leading figure in a small group of men of whom—and of whom only—it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
[If that's an honor surely 'tis a greater]
If that's an honor surely 'tis a greaterTo have been a simple and undamned spectator.
Behold in me a man of mark and note
Whom no elector e'er denied a vote!—
An undiscredited, unhooted gent
Who might, for all we know, be President
By acclamation. Cheer, ye varlets, cheer—
I'm passing with a wide and open ear!
Jonathan Fomry.
267
Prison, n.
[“Stone walls do not a prison make,”]
“Stone walls do not a prison make,”but a combination of the stone wall, the political parasite and the moral instructor is no garden of sweets.
269
Prospect, n.
[Blow, blow, ye spicy breezes]
Blow, blow, ye spicy breezes—O'er Ceylon blow your breath,
Where every prospect pleases,
Save only that of death.
Bishop Sheber.
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