 | Eli Perkins (at large) |  |
HARD ON LAWYERS.
In Akron, Ohio, where they have the personal damage
temperance law, I heard of a funny temperance
case. A rumseller, whom I will call Hi Church, because
he was “high” most of the time, had been sued
several times for damage done by his rum on citizens
of the town. One man came out drunk and smashed
in a big glass window. He was too poor to pay for it,
and the owner came against Church. A boy about sixteen
got drunk and let a horse run away with him,
breaking his arm. His father made Church pay the
damage. A mechanic got drunk and was killed on the
railroad track, and his wife sued Church for $2,000
and got it. A farmer got drunk and was burned in
his barn on the hay. His son sued Church and recovered
$1800. Church got sick of paying out so much
money for personal and property damages. It ate up
all the rumseller's profits.
Still, he acknowledged the law to be a statute, and
that it held him responsible for all the damage done
by his rum. He used to argue, also, that sometimes his
rum did people good, and then he said he ought to receive
something back.
One day lawyer Thompson got to drinking. Thompson
was mean, like most all lawyers, and when he died
of the delirium tremens there wasn't much mourning in
Thompson to sue Church for damage done. So, one
day, Church went before the Court himself.
“What does Mr. Church want?” asked the justice.
“I tell yer what. Jedge,” commenced the rumseller,
“when my rum killed that thar mechanic Johnson and
farmer Mason, I cum down like a man. I paid the damage
and squared up like a Christian—now, didn't I,
Jedge?”
“Yes, you paid the damage, Mr. Church; but what
then?”
“Well, Jedge, my rum did a good deal to'ards killin'
lawyer Thompson, now, and it 'pears ter me when I kill
a lawyer I kinder oughter get a rebate!”
| Eli Perkins (at large) | |