University of Virginia Library

Gentlemen: I received your note this morning, inviting
me to go up in the balloon. You say you desire
me to go as the representative of the Daily Bugle—to
be the official historian of the first great aerial voyage
across the Atlantic. You also say:

I thank you, gentlemen, for your flattering invitation,
which I herein accept. I don't know what I have
done, or why you single me out and invite me to go
away, unless it is your desire to lift me up and improve
my condition. However, I will make positive arrangements
to go in your balloon any time after the 20th
of August. I have consulted with many of my friends
here, and they all advise me to go. Of course it makes
them feel sad, but they are glad to make the sacrifice

—glad to contribute the life of one they love so well
to the cause of science. My uncle Consider says the
sadness of my fixed departure would be somewhat alleviated
if he could only be assured that I would never
return.

“Sunset” Cox says I have the proper specific levity
—that I am light-hearted and light-headed, and am
just the person to go—just the one to give earliest
news of sunsets, falling stars, and aurora-borealicusses
and other astronomical phenomena.

You ask me what I desire to take as luggage, offering
me any space which I may desire. First of all, I
should like to take several Saratoga young ladies.
They like to take up a good deal of room, but I assure
you they are very light. They are anything but solid
young ladies. Then, as we drift into new celestial
worlds, it is well to display the judgment of Noah in
looking out for the species. I don't think Noah would
have taken Mr. Sumner or A. T. Stewart. Mr. Vanderbilt
or Mr. Saxe or General Nye would do far better.
I do object to Mr. Sam Cox, who has proved himself
of no particular value in establishing a new population.
In case the balloon is too heavy, the young ladies are
willing to be thrown out as ballast. It is thought that
they would float away very gracefully—as Virgil says:

Twelve young ladies here to-day, with Worth dresses,
Colgate's perfumery, and pearl powder, only weigh 98
pounds.

I should like also to take my horse and Brewster

dog-cart. We may land miles from any street cars
and out of the sight of any omnibus; besides, it will
be nicer to drive into town in style any way.

Here is a list of other luggage which I desire to take
either as baggage, ballast, or company, or to make into
gas:

                       

Names.	To be used for.	Weight.
G. F. Train,	for pure wind,	190 lbs.
Schuyler Colfax,	for hydrogen gas,	10 lbs.
4 Congressional Globes,	for dead weight,	479,628 tons.
200 doz. champagne,	for water,	41 lbs.
$9,000	for curiosity,	76 lbs.
12 cows,	for company,	3,983 lbs.
8 barrels water,	for scrubbing floor,	310 lbs.
Hair, paint, cotton,	for young ladies,	988,231 lbs.
19 carrier pigeons,	for pigeon pie,	41 lbs.
12 lbs. butter	for greasing dogcart,	9 lbs.
Total,		$32,491

I should also like to take up a watch dog and double-barreled
shot-gun, to be used in case Mr. Wise and I
disagree about the meals served at table, or to prevent
my being called too early in the morning. My theory
to ascend about two miles, and then go straight across
to Buckingham Palace, and put up with Mr. Buckingham
one night, and then go on to Canton. In case I
consider it dangerous or disagreeable to ride in the air,
I shall instruct Mr. Wise and the boys to strap the
balloon to the deck of a steamer, or lace it tight, if the
ladies did not object, to a train of cars. Borne along
at the rate of twenty miles an hour on a freight car, Mr.
Wise could have ample opportunity to make his experiments
with air currents and toll-gates and things. I

really believe that the safest way to do is to all get
in the balloon, put it on a clipper ship, and let the wind
blow us anywhere except over large islands or continents.

If everything is satisfactory, and you will send me a
few thousand dollars to buy champagne and cigars and
breastpins and a loaf or two of bread—an absolute necessity,
you know, when you are going to travel—if you
will do all this, why, I'll take your money now, and saying,
“May heaven bless your great enterprise,” put it in
my pocket, where you will always know where it is.

[To the Editor of the Daily Bugle.]

I send you this by the carrier-pigeon Ariel. The balloon
is sailing well. The collapse was a ruse. We
“busted” her last night to get the people out of the
yard. Then Mr. Donaldson and myself inflated her
again with gas which we had with us, and sailed away
at eight P.M. According to the barometer we are now
suspended in mid-heavens at 968 east latitude and 8
degrees ante-meridian. We passed San Domingo thirty-seven
miles east of the planet Vesuvius at eleven o'clock

M.D. this forenoon. I am navigating the balloon alone,
and Donaldson and Lunt are feasting on the pigeons
and shooting at each other with pistols. Wise sits in
the stern of the boat with a navy revolver, and Donaldson
sits in the bow with a shot-gun loaded to the muzzle
with peas and billiard-balls. It is very amusing and
instructive. If I hadn't gone along to act as mediator
and navigator, I think science would have suffered.

This morning at three o'clock and ninety-four minutes
N.B., while we were sailing along over Cape Cod,
Mr. Wise came up to my room, rang the bell, and
wanted to know whose side I was on.

“On the side of science,” sez I, “of course.”

“No, no! Mr. Perkins,” he said in great agitation,
“I mean on which side are you in the great fight?”
Then he cocked his gun.

I told him I wasn't on any side. I also stated to him
that I was a peace man—that I came in the balloon
purely for science.

“Then, Mr. Perkins,” he said, looking at his gun,
“I propose to kill you. You and Donaldson are mutineers.
I will give you four minutes to join my side.”

Then I joined his side, just to please him, and he
gave me two navy revolvers to defend ourselves against
Mr. Donaldson, who was turning hand-springs and
cart-wheels on the deck in the most threatening manner.

A little later, and Mr. Donaldson pointed his shot-gun
at me and whispered in my ear. He said, “Mr.
Perkins, I will give you $11 if you will join my side.”
I took the money and joined. Then we pointed our

shot-guns and revolvers directly at Mr. Wise's legs,
and told him to keep quiet.

A little later—about nine s.c.—Mr. Wise offered me
$27 to abandon Mr. Donaldson and come over to
him. I took the money, and saying, “It is all for
science,” I came over to him. Then we aimed our
revolvers at Donaldson.

So I've been going back and forth all night. I
have made large sums of money, and put it in the
rear end of my dog-cart, where I can drive off with
it as soon as we land. I suppose I have made $19,000
within the last hour in breaking up the balance
of power between the balloonatics.

It is very cold here. There is great coldness between
Mr. Wise and Donaldson, and there is where I
am—between them. The theory that Mr. Wise ever
had a warm heart is completely exploded when you
see the icicles hanging on the end of his nose and on
his cold shoulder, which he keeps towards us.

We have now gone up to a great altitude, say 230
miles. We can easily see people on the moon. We
have discovered that the specks on the sun are made
of German silver. The milky way is only a dense
fog, with droves of mosquitoes that have got lost
from New Jersey. The light young ladies from Saratoga,
whom we took in for ballast, have all been
thrown out. They astonished us by going on up
higher than the balloon. Several have sailed off
towards Mars—latitude east of New Jersey and longitude
90 deg. Fahrenheit. I computed it.

At four o'clock M.D. we passed General Butler. He

found the easterly currant, and stole it and ate it up
before we arrived. He is now looking for prunes and
dates. About this time we met with an accident.
Our silverware disappeared. We are now roasting the
pigeons over a kerosene lamp and eating them with
our fingers. We have passed Australia and Harlem
and Peoria (Ill.). We may make a landing at Newgate
to see friends. Don't look for our return to-day.

SECOND CARRIER-PIGEON DESPATCH.

10 o'clock D.D.—She moves lovely. A heavy swell
just struck the balloon. We immediately threw him
overboard. Our chaplain has just struck for higher
wages. His wages are four miles high now, and still
he is not satisfied. He struck with his left hand.
He wants to organize a base-ball club. He is not a
proper man for a scientific expedition. We shall throw
him out.

THIRD DESPATCH.

11 o'clock, F.R.S.—Have thrown the chaplain and
Wise out. They have done nothing but eat the
pigeons and drink the water which we brought up to
scrub the floor with. Our carriage horses are doing
well, and the twelve cows we brought up for company
are improving rapidly. Hay and oats are cheap, but
going up. This morning I called the police and had
Mr. Donaldson arrested for standing on his head on
the top of the balloon. He is now in irons. I'm
sorry for it, for he appears to take quite an interest
in our great scheme. I don't think Mr. Wise does.

He spends all his time wiping out his gun and hunting
around for Mr. Donaldson.

FOURTH, DESPATCH.

12 o'clock post-mortem.—England in sight. We
can tell it by the fog. We shall return in about a
week. Mr. Donaldson says he shall take this same gas
back to America and exchange it for Congressional
gas from the House of Reprehensibles, which he proposes
to put in a solid cast-iron balloon to be propelled
by a canal-boat. This is one of Mr. Wise's
theories. It is growing very cold here. My hands are
frozen. Send me some money ($) by the pigeon.
Also, borrow a Testament from some of the daily
newspapers in New York, if they have one, and send
it along. We shall stop with Mr. Windsor, of Windsor's
Palace, to-morrow night—latitude west 128 Troy weight,
and longitude north from Pittsburgh, 4, 11, 44. The
Daily Bugle comes regularly. Adieu!