University of Virginia Library

ELI PERKINS'S NEW YEAR'S CALLS.

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 627EAF. Page 203. In-line Illustration. Image of the silhouette of a man writing.]

I don't feel like writing to-day; my head aches. I
made New Year's calls yesterday — made 125 calls.
I finished them about twelve o'clock—an hour ago.

I had my call-list written off, and commenced at
Sixteenth Street, and came down. My idea was to
make 125 calls of five minutes each. This would take

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 627EAF. Page 204. In-line Illustrations. The first image is of the silhouette of a man in a top hat carrying a cane and putting on a glove. He is walking towards a carriage; the caption reads, "MAKES CALLS." The second image is the silhouette of a woman and a man bowing to each other. The man has his hat in his hand and the woman is holding something out to him. The caption reads, "FIRST CALL."] 625 minutes, or ten hours. I think I did it. I worked
hard. I was an intermittent perpetual motion. I did
all any body could do. If
any fellow says he made
126 calls, he—well, he is
guilty of li-bel. I tried it.
I made my 125th call with
my eyes closed, and at my
126th I swooned on the
hall stairs. Nature was exhausted.
Oh! but wasn't
it fun! It is nothing to
make calls after you have
been at it a spell. The last twenty calls were made
with one eye closed. I was actually taking a mental
nap all the time. My tongue talked right straight
ahead, from force of habit. Talking came as easy as
ordinary respiration. All I had to do was to open my
my mouth, and the same
words tumbled out:

“Hap—new year Mis-Smitte!”

“Ah! Mr. Perkins, I'm
delighted—”

“May you have man'-hap'returns—by—by!”

“But arn't you going
to drink to—”

“Thank—spleasur
(drank); may you live (hic) thousand years.
By—by” (sliding into the hall and down front steps).

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 627EAF. Page 205. In-line Illustration. Image of the silhouette of a man bending down to two small children. He is raising a champaigne glass to them as if in a toast. The caption reads, "DRANK TO CHILDREN."]

I started at noon. Made first call on young lady.

She said, “You have many calls to make. Won't
you fortify yourself with a little sherry?”

I said I (hic) would, and drank small glass.

Called next on married lady on Fifth Heavenue.

She said, “Let's drink to William—you know Will is
off making calls on the girls.”

“All right, Mrs. Mason;” then we drank some nice
old Port to absent William.

On Forty-ninth Street met a sainted Virginia mother,
who had some real old Virginia egg-nog.

Very nice Southern egg-nog. Abused the Yankees,
and drank two glasses with Virginia mother.

On Forty-sixth Street met a lady who had some nice
California wine. Tried it. Then went across the street
with Democratic friend to say New Year's and get
some of old Skinner's 1836 brandy. Got it. Mrs.
Skinner wanted us to
drink to Skinner.
Drank to Skinner, and
ate lobster salad.

Met a friend, who
said,

“Let's run in and
(hic) see Coe, the temperance
man.”

Coe said,

“Ah, happy time!
Let's drink to my wife.”

Drank bottle of champagne to Mrs. Coe — then
drank to children.

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 627EAF. Page 206. In-line Illustration. Image of an umbrella, two hats, and an overcoat. The caption reads, "THE UMBRELLA AND HAT." and "LEFT OVERCOAT."]

Drove round to Miss Thompson's on Fifth Heavenue.
Thompson's famous for rum punch. Tried two glasses
with Miss Thompson. Very happy. House looked
lovely. Ate brandy peaches. Good many lights.
Pretty girls quite num'rous. Drank their health
Drank claret. Then drank Roman punch. Went out,
leaving a Dunlap hat for a Knox, and a twelve-dollar
umbrella in the hat rack.

Happy thought! Took Charley Brown in the carriage
with driver, and got on outside with myself.

Charley said, “Let's drop in on the Madison Heavenue
Masons.” “All right.” Dropped in.

Miss Mason says, “Have some nice old Madeira?”
Said, “Yes, Miss Mas'n, will have some, my dearie.”
Drank to Mrs. Mason, and ate boned turkey to young
ladies. Young ladies dressed beau'fully—hair, court
train, and shoes à la Pompadour. Left overcoat and
umbrella, and changed high hat for fur cap. Saw a

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 627EAF. Page 207. In-line Illustrations. The first image is of a man pulling a carriage with the caption, "SAW THIS." The second image is of a man sliding down a banister while another man watches. The caption reads, "SLID DOWN."] span of horses in a carriage drawn by Charley King.
Charley was tightually
slight. Said he'd been
in to Lee's, eating boned
sherry and drinking pale
turkey.

Now all called on the
Lambs on Thirty-fourth
Heavenue. Old Lamb
was round. “Lam's
Champ's very good,”
says Charley. Also
drank brandy peaches
here, and ate
more pony
brandy. Young
ladies beau'ful
— high - heeled
dress and shoes
cut décolleté.
Great many of
them. Nice Roman
punch with
monogram on it.
Had fried sandwich
with brandy
on it. Presented
large
bouquet in corner
to Mrs.
Lamb. Exchanged

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 627EAF. Page 208. In-line Illustrations. The first image is a hat hanging from a door-knob with a caption that reads, "CARD-BASKET." The second image is of a man climbing stairs looking unsteady, with the caption, "CALLED BETWEEN CALLS."] hat for card-basket, and slid down front
banisters.

Called on Vanderbilt. Hang
(hic) Vanderbilt! Vanderbilt
didn't rec'v calls. Carried off
card basket and hung Charley's
hat on bell-knob. Used Van's cards to make other
calls with. Kept calling. Called steady. Called between
calls. Drank more. Drank every where. Young
ladies more beau'ful. Wanted us to come back to
party in the evening. Came back. Grand party.
Gilmore furnished by music. Drank more lobster
salad. Drank half a glass of silk dress, and poured
rest on skirt of Miss Smith's champagne in corner.
Slumped plate gas-light green silk down on to nice
ice-cream. Dresses wore white tarletan young ladies
cut swallow tail. Sat on young lady's hand and held
stairs. Very (hic) happy. Fellows had been drinkin'.

11 P. M. Left party. Carriage outside wanted me

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 627EAF. Page 209. In-line Illustrations. The first image is of a man drinking from a hugely oversized bowl; the caption reads, "DRANK MORE LOBSTER SALAD." The second image is the silhouette of a woman with the caption, "CUT SWALLOW TAIL."] to get into Fred Young and prom'nade over to the
Stewarts. Roman punch had been drinking Fred. He
invited 8 other horses to get into the fellows and ride
around to Stewarts. Stewart tight and house closed
up. Left pocket-book in card-basket outside, and hung
watch and chain on bell-knob.

Called on the Fergisons. All up. Had old Burgundy.
Fergison's a brick. Took sherry. Beau'ful
young lady dressed in blue Roman punch. Opened
bottle of white gros grain trimmed with Westchester
county lace. Drank it up. Fellows getting more
tete-uly slight. Drank Pompadour rum with young
lady dressed à la Jamaica. Hadn't strength to refuse.
Drank hap' New Year fifteen times—then got into
Fifth Heavenue Hotel, and told the driver to drive
round to the carriage. Came up to letter, and wrote
this room for the Daily Com(hic)vertisers. Pulled coat

[ILLUSTRATION] [Description: 627EAF. Page 210. In-line Illustrations. The first image is of a man butting another man in the stomach with his head; the caption reads, "WANTED ME TO GET INTO FRED." The second image is a basket hanging from a door-knob; the caption reads "LEFT OUTSIDE." The third image is a distorted view of a man walking down the street.] off with the boot-jack, and stood self up by the register
to dry. Then wrote (hic)—wrote more—(hic).

U—li Pirk(hic)ins.