 | Eli Perkins (at large) |  |
THE LEGAL-MINDED MAN.
The other night, I met a young Columbia College
law student at a party. He was dancing with Miss
Johnson.
“I have an engagement to dance the `Railroad
Galop' with Miss Johnson,” I remarked—“number
ten.”
“You have an engagement? You mean you have
retained her for a dance?”
“She has contracted to dance with me,” I said.
“But contracts where no earnest money is paid are
null and void. You must vacate the premises.”
“But will you please give me half of a dance? I
ask the courtesy.”
“Why, yes, Mr. Perkins,” he said; “take her;” but,
recollecting his law knowledge, he caught hold of my
coat-sleeve and added this casual remark:
“I give and bequeath to you, Mr. Eli Perkins, to
have and to hold in trust, one half of my right, title
and claim and my advantage, in a dance known as the
`Railroad Galop' with Amelia Johnson, with all her
hair, paniers, Grecian bend, rings, fans, belts, hair-pins,
smelling-bottles and straps, with all the right and advantage
therein; with full power to have, hold, encircle,
whirl, toss, wiggle, push, jam, squeeze, or otherwise use
—except to smash, break or otherwise damage—and
her hair, rings, paniers, straps, and other objects
heretofore or hereinafter mentioned, after such whirl,
squeeze, wiggle, jam, etc., to her natural parents, now
living, and without regard to any deed or deeds or instruments,
of whatever kind or nature soever, to the
contrary in anywise notwithstanding.”
The next evening, the young lawyer called on Miss
Johnson, with whom he was in love, and proposed.
“I have an attachment for you, Miss Johnson,” he
commenced.
“Very well, sir; levy on the furniture,” said Miss
Johnson, indignantly.
“I mean, Miss Johnson, there is a bond—a mutual
bond—”
“Never mind the bond; take the furniture, I say.
Take—”
“You do not understand me, madam. I came here
to court—”
“But this is no court, sir. There is no officer.”
“Yes, Miss Johnson, your father said this morning:
`Mr. Mason, I look upon your offer, sir, with favor.”'
“Your officer?”
“My offer, madame—my offer of marriage. I love
you. I adore—”
“Goodness gracious!” and Miss Johnson fell fainting
to the floor.
| Eli Perkins (at large) | |