The Nasby papers Letters and sermons containing the views on the topics of the day of Petroleum V. Nasby |
HAS AN INTERVIEW WITH VALLANDIGHAM. |
 | HAS AN INTERVIEW WITH VALLANDIGHAM. The Nasby papers |  |
HAS AN INTERVIEW WITH VALLANDIGHAM.
I am in Washinton. I stand under the shadder uv the tempel uv
Liberty, and am reposin my weery lims in the kool shades uv Fredum.
yoost to go frum Pennsilvany to the kappytle wunst a yere to git my
stock uv Dimocrisy recrootid, and to find out wat we wuz expectid to
bleeve doorin the kumin yere, thus gettin full 6 munths ahed uv my
nabers. I wuz wunst electid gustis uv the peese in Berks county, by
knoin neerly a yeer in advanse wat we wuz to vote fer that ortum.
They thot Nasby wuz a smart man.
2 resoom. This is not the Washinton that wunst I knode. Our
kappytle is now a Ablishn kamp. The brite sun reflex glittrin raze
frum shinin baynets—the ere is horrifide with the rumble uv kannon
wheels, and the iren-shod war-steed klatterz on the stony street. The
slaiv-pens, them proud moniments uv the sooperiority of the Anglo-Sacksun
race, hez bin swep away, and with them the heft uv the Democrisy.
O! my kountry! Wher is Tooms, and Yancy, and Wigfall?
The lofty domes uv the kappytle don't re-ekko no moar 2 ther
sole-inspirin voisis. Ez I reflek that these pillers uv Dimocrisy aint
hear, and wat is wuss that they dassent kum here—that these place
that knode em wunst will kno em no moar furever, my manly buzzum
throbs with sorrer, and my prowd form is bowed in anguish. O thou
fell sperit uv Abolishnizm, thow hast much 2 anser fer—mucher than
thow kanst anser. Wood that I cood heve thee owt uv these sakrid
precinks, and with gentil stranes woo back them ez we hev lost.
Avant thow grim and nasty cuss—my stumick heeves wheneer I think
uv thee.
2 resoom. I kum hear to see Vallandygum—I huntid him up, and
last nite we mingled our goys and sorrers in a talk that lasted 2 ours.
We hed a bottle uv koncentratid kontentment, and after disposin uv
a suffishensy thereof, Vallandygum commenst:
“Nasby,” sez he, “we're in a fix.”
“Vallandygum,” sez I, “to wich do yoo elude—our distractid
kountry?”
“Nary,” sez he, “I wuz a speekin uv myself, and the rest uv us.
Them's my kountry.”
“Sagashus man,” sez I, “youm rite. Politerkilly we're ez bad off
ez our frends in Fort Warin is personally—we're in a tite place.”
“Yes,” sez he, “and we must git out. We must carry Ohio this
ortum.”
“Certingly,” sez I, “but how?”
“I hev,” sez he, “the plan uv the campane fixt. Fustly, we must
oppose the holesail votin by niggers.”
“But,” sez I, “no niggers votes in Ohio.”
“Nasby,” sez he, a puttin his thum to his nose, “a man uv straw
is the eeziest knockt down, especially ef yoo hev set him up yerself
fer the purpus uv knockin uv him down. Secondly, the immense
emygrashen uv niggers into Ohio must be prohibytid.
“But,” sez I, “no niggers air comin, er hev any noshun uv comin
in2 Ohio.”
“3rdly,” sez he, “the alarmin amalgamashun uv the races must be
prohibbytid.”
“But,” sez I, “ther 's no amalgamashen north uv the Ohio river.”
“4thly,” sez he, “the idee uv allowin the nigger to stand on a
equality with the whites, must be squelcht.”
“But,” sez I, “noboddy wants 'em to be our ekals.”
“5thly,” sez he, “no nigger must ever be allowd to hev offis in Ohio.”
“But,” sez I, “nobody wants the nigger to hev offis.”
“Never mind, Nasby,” sez he, “nigger is our trump card—we must
lead off with it. Taxes is a good dodge, fer no man likes to pay taxes,
and we must work em up on that. After nigger, compromise is
our best holt. Ef by a fair, ekitable compromise—”
“To-wit, givin our Suthern brethren all they want,” murmered I—
“We kin end this unnateral war,” continnered he, “wich hez tored
up the foundashens uv liberty, and rent the proud old Dimekratik
party in twain,”—
“Into 2 twains,” sighd I, like a ekoin zephyr.
“And reskoo the guverment from the jobbers and spekulaters who
now controle it, and put it into the hands uv pure men—”
“Sech ez Floyd, and Bright, and we,” sejestid I, smilin sweetly.
“Then,” continnerd he, a wettin his lips at the mouth uv the bottle,
“we will not hev labered in vain. To do this and bring back the
fraternal feelins uv yoar, this bluddy war must cease. Oh, Nasby,
is bein violatid, ther niggers and household gods is bein torn from
em, and onless we kin stand between em and rooin, will they, wen
peese is restored, take us back and give us the politikle crums they
cant use? Nary.”
It wuz past 3 o'clock, wen I partid from that trooly grate man. He
give me a gineral outline uv the plans uv the confedrits, and red me
letters he hed reseevd from Tooms, Davis, et settry.
| HAS AN INTERVIEW WITH VALLANDIGHAM. The Nasby papers | |