The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] :: :: University of Virginia Library

Peter giveth an Account of the Expedition of Lord Macartney, and, contrary to the Tenour of the preceding Ode, absolutely recommendeth Generosity to the Emperor.

Kien Long, our great great people, and 'Squire Pitt,
Fam'd through the universe for saving wit,
Have heard uncommon tales about thy wealth;
And now a vessel have they fitted out,
Making for good Kien Long a monstrous rout,
To trade, and beg, and ask about his health.

This to my simple and unconnying mind,
Seems œconomical and very kind!
And now, great Emperor of China, say,
What handsome things hast thou to give away?

Accept a proverb out of Wisdom's schools
‘Barbers first learn to shave, by shaving fools.’
Pitt shav'd our faces first, and made us grin—
Next the poor French—and now the hopeful lad,
Ambitious of the honour, seemeth mad
To try this razor's edge upon thy chin.

Thee as a generous prince we all regard;
For ev'ry present, lo, returning double—
'Tis therefore thought that thou wilt well reward
The ship and Lord Macartney for their trouble.

And now to George and Charlotte what the presents?
No humming-birds, we beg—no owls, no pheasants;

378

Such gifts will put the palace in a sweat—
For God's sake send us nothing that can eat.
‘What gifts, I wonder, will thy king and queen
Send to Kien Long?’ thou cry'st.—Not much I ween;
They can't afford it; they are very poor—
And though they shine in so sublime a station,
They are the poorest people in the nation,
So wide of charity their neat trap-door !!!

Our king may send a dozen cocks and hens;
Perhaps a pig or two of his own breeding;
Perhaps a pair of turkeys from his pens;
Perhaps a duck of his own feeding—

Or possibly a half a dozen geese,
Worth probably a half a crown a-piece;
And that he probably may deem enough—
Her gracious majesty may condescend
Her precious compliments to send,
Tack'd to a pound or two of snuff:

The history of Strelitz too, perhaps;
A place that cuts a figure in the maps.

Most mighty emp'ror, be not thou afraid
That we shall Generosity upbraid:
Send heaps of things—poh! never heed the measure—
If palaces won't hold the precious things,
Behold, the best of queens and eke of kings
Will build them barns to hold the treasure.

I know thy delicacy's such,
Thou fanciest thou canst send too much—
But as I know the great ones of our isle,
The very thought indeed would make them smile.

379

Lord! couldst thou send the Chinese empire o'er,
So hungry, we should gape for more:
Yes, couldst thou pack the Chinese empire up,
We'd make no more on't than a China cup;
Ev'n then my Lady Schwellenberg would bawl,
‘Gote dem de shabby fella—vat, dis all?’

Whales very rarely make a hearty meal—
Thus Princes an eternal hunger feel;
Moreover, fond of good things gratis;
Whose stomach's motto should be, nunquam satis.

Then load away with rarities the ship,
And let us cry, ‘She made a handsome trip’—
But mind, no humming-birds, apes, owls, mackaws;
The dev'l take presents that can wag their jaws.

Reader, this expression is uncommonly beautiful. —The most secret charities are generally the largest, and most acceptable to God.