University of Virginia Library

SUBMITS A PLAN FOR THE SALVATION OF THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY.

I am not apt 2 change. Ez the Samist sez, “wunst I wuz yung,
but now I am old,” but yung er old, it has alluz bin the saim with
me. Whisky strate hez bin my bevridge, and Dimocrisy my tikkit,
wun and inseprable, and I hev stuck to em with a fidelity exaled by
few and serpast by nun. But the time hez cum fer a raddykel change,
in order to saiv the good old party I hev ornamented so long. My
reezens are these:

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The rebelyun is played out. Our Suthern brethrin is gone in. To
use figgerative langidge wich will be understood in the circles in wich
I am akustomed 2 move, Linkin has maid 4 alreddy, and holds high,
low and jack. So long ez ther wuz any chanse fer the 15 Dimocratic
staits to succeed it was natrel fer us to help em, fer then we cood ezy
jine with em agin, but ez they are past prayin fer, wat is wisdom fer
us? Clerely to help wipe em out. Why? In my skriptooral reedin
I wunst found a histry uv a steward who wuz about losin his plais.
Like Hamlick he soliloquizd, “Wat kin I do? I can't work, I don't
fancy beggin, and hevn't got the green-bax to start a grosery.” (Groseries
wuz cash in Judee.) A lucky thot emergd frum his Websterian
intelleck. “I hev it,” sez he to hisself. “I am yet steward. I
will giv receets in full to them ez owes my boss, and wen my day uv
trubble cums. I'll board with em.”

The pint is plane. Wile in the serviss uv our Suthrin masters we
wuz rayther hard on our Afrikin brethrin. We did bete em and
choak em, and did despitefully use em. We can't count on the Sutherners
no moar—let us elevait the nigger to the plais his master
okepide in the party. Like the steward aforesed, let us do good to
them we was wunst tuff on, that we may hev frends wen we need em.
Let that hory old dotard Tawny be assassynated, and sum wun appinted
in his plais, that will reverse his decision that they hedent
eny rites that wite men was bound respeck—let Samcox and Fernandy
Wood interdoose bills abollyshin slaivry in the staits, and givin evry
Afrikan brother a quarter seeshun uv land, a 2 hoss teem, a red bunnit
with artefishel flowers onto it—maik em sittyzens, and then—

We'd get evry wun uv em. This wood give us the fifteen Suthrin
staits as in the happy daze of yoar, and the 500,000 uv our cullerd
brethrin, now in Kanady, cood be brot back to the land uv their nativity,
and distribbited thro Ohio and Noo York, so ez to redeem
them staits frum the rule uv misgided Abolish—I meantersay, Republikins.
This plan is feezible, and pekoolierly adapted to the Dimecratic
mind, wich is flexyble, very. Let it be adoptid and wunst moar
will the good ole party repose under the shadder uv the Trezury bildins,
wunst agin will the chozn few dror regler salaris, and the Nashen

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