University of Virginia Library

VISITS VALLANDIGHAM.

I hev jest returned from a visit to our persekootid saint Valandygum.
The marter wuz holdin a resepshun at the Clifton House, wen
I arrove. He caught site uv me ez soon ez I entered the room, and
he rusht in2 my arms, and droopin his head on2 my heavin buzm,
weept aloud:

“Marterd saint!” sez I, with a voice tremulous with emoshen.

“Sufferer fer truth!” sez he, and then this trooly grate man whispered,
“Jest keep in this posishn a minnit—the artist uv the Noo
York Illustratid Flapdoodle is makin a sketch uv us,” wich we did,
standin locked in2 each others arms, and weepin profoosely fer 15
minits. It wuz exhaustin and tiresum, but fer the cause I endoord
it. The picter will appear in next week's Flapdoodle, headed “The
2 grate minds uv the Age! Affectin meetin uv Vallandygum and
Nasby!” The matter akompnyin the picter will be written by Valandygum
and myself, he writin wat relates 2 hisself, and I wat relates
2 myself. We kin do ourselves justis. After the Eastern delegashen
hed gone thro the serrymony uv kissin his feet, wich cleaned em, he
dismist em, and we wuz alone.

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35

“Nasby,” sez the great C. L., “how is things in my nativ state?”

“Squally,” sez I.

“Wat wuz the pervalin sentiment uv the people as to my eggsile?”

“They was extreemly glad uv it.”

“The akount uv my prostrashen—my untold suffrins, et settry,
wich I hed publisht in the papers; did that not affect them?”

“Yes, they laft.”

“Did not the affectin akount uv the wife uv my buzm, and my cher
ub babes a jinin me here 2 share my lonely eggsile, move em?”

“Nary move.”

“Nasby, the peeple is stun. But I'll fetch em. Nil despritrando
is my motto.”

After a few moments uv profound silence, he resoomd. “I must
be Guvner, fer how else kin we prevent the subjugashen uv the Dimekratic
staits. Elect me and therd be no more trouble about drafts,
onless we shood git involved in a war with the United States. The
Confedracy wood be recognised, Ohio wood go with the South, and
slavery wood be interdoost, and as we woodent hev eny further use
er em, poor men woodent be allowed to vote, making me perpetooal
Guvernor. Nasby, we must succeed.”

“Certainly. But we're in a tite plais. Oor speekers is embarist.
It takes a gigantik intellek to bring the pints 2gether. A anicdote.
A spritely boy wunst put 200 eggs in a nest fer a hen to set on. Sez
his maternal mother. “My son why puttist thou so many eggs under
the hen. She canst not kiver em.' “Certainly she canst not, but
thunder, I want to see her spread herself.” Jest so. Our speakers
are in the same fix. The outside egg in the Dimekratik nest is opposition
to the war. Together side uv the nest 200 eggs distant, is the
support uv the war. To kiver em all requires great stretchin capasity.

“Troo, 2 troo. But we must mix it and trust to luck. In loyal
counties stuff em with dilooted patriotism—in OUR counties pure
secesh. The people is jest ez gullible now ez ever they wuz.”

I left the patriot and sage much comforted.