University of Virginia Library

IMPROVES HIS FORTUNES BY MARRIAGE.

I am here and mizrable!

I am not less than 213 per cent. more mizrable nor I used to be!

I consoomd 2 hours uv the Suthrin Confedracy's time, and a 12

foot board, assertainin the eggsact increese uv misery wich I am engoyin.
With the above result.

Wen I wuz draftid I wuz not particularly dissatisfied. My posishen
wuz becomin precarious. Looizer Jane, (the wife uv my buzm,)
had cut off my supplies, and wuz a wastin the money she reseevd fer
washin, on bread and clothes fer the children, and misunderstandins
and coolnisses ensood. I whaled her in the afternoon when she wuz
tired, and she whaled me in the mornin, when she wuz fresh. Had I
expendid the energy and strength consoomd in whalin Looizer Jane
in choppin cord-wood, I mite hev ownd a farm. I then tried the
credit system, but the unamity with which the bar-keepers all remarkt
that “that thing wuz played out,” wuz trooly surprisin to the undersined.

Knowin that I cood at eny time desert to my Suthren frends, I felt
satisfied at bein draftid. Sence my enrollment in the ranks uv the
Pelicans, the romance uv the thing hez departid. Nothin 2 eat, nothin
to wear, no money, and hard work. This is our fix. The plump,
rosy Nasby is no more—anserin 2 his name is a lean indiviggooal,
upon whose nose a bullet cood be split.

I determined to better myself by marriage. The idee wuz sejestid
by our second corpral, who interdoost me 2 a widder lady who lived
jest out uv town—the owner uv 2 thousand akers. The akers inspired
me, and I prest my soot with vigger and arder. In a week
the thing wuz dun. I caught the regimental chaplin sober enuff wun
nite, and we wuz married.

Fer a day I wuz a happy man. I contemplatid MY plantashen and
wept teers uv goy. Suddenly my happinis bustid. The Sargent informed
me that my wife—the future sharer uv my goys and sorrers—
wuz a OCTOROON, one 8th NIGGER!—that she wuz a slave left in charge
by her mistress, and that the corpral did it jest fer a goak! A purty
goak to play upon a Dimekrat! Nasby marryin a Nigger!

My views hev changed on the slavery question. Amalgamashen is
the cuss uv slavery. The blacks hev bleached and bleached, until
it is almost impossible to distinguish the slave from his owner. Wen
the mix becomes wuss, wat then? Wen the slave is ez white ez his

master, wat are yoo goin to do? Slavery, like a man with a tape-worm,
hez within itself the elements nessessary to its destruction.
Amalgamashen is the tape-worm uv slavery.