University of Virginia Library

CAPTURES A TURKEY.

Nasby still lives, tho I must say its rayther tite nippin. The servis
uv the Suthrin Confedricy wood be ez pleasant ez any military
life cood be, were it not for three things to-wit:

1. We hev nothin to eat.

2. Our clothes is designed more for ornament than use, consistin
cheefly uv holes with rags around em—an appropriate summer costoom,
but rayther airy for this season.

3. Our pay is irregelar, and not jest ez good in quality ez cood be
wished.

Fer instance. Our regiment hazzent reseevd a cent fer 8 months,
and ther wuz much grumblin wich cum to the ears uv the Kernel.

“The men murmur do they,” sed he to his Ajitent. “Their complaints
is just, and they shel be paid their just dooze. Is ther a
printin offis in the town?”

“Ther is,” retorts the Ajitent.

“Go take possession uv it in the name uv the Confedrit States and
seeze watever paper he my hev on hand. The faithful Pelicans must
be paid.”

The next day every wun uv the men hed his haversack stufft with
money, each wun takin ez much ez he judgd he cood use. It does
very well except that it gives the grocery keepers much trouble, as
they take it by weight—a $1 bein wuth ez much ez a $20, ceptin that
the $20 is a trifle the largest, and weighs more.

A incident. I wuz out on pikkit dooty, in the immejit visinnity
uv a planter's barn, who hed bin suspectid uv Unionism. I saw a
turkey, capchered it, and indulged all the way into camp into the

pleasant idee that, fer the first time in two months, I wood hev a
stumic-distendin dinner. Ez I entered camp I met the Kernel, who,
ez his eagle eye caught the proud bird I held spoke, sayin:

“Ha! a turkey. Wher gottist thow him?

“I capcherd him at Johnson's,” replied I.

“Fat and young,” mused he, feelin uv him, and then lookin up
thus he did say: “My venerable patriot, (he allooded to my gray
hairs,) this bird belonged to a Union man, and all sich property taken
by the army, belongs uv coarse, 2 the Goverment. Yoo will 4thwith
take it my quarters.

Not hevin eaten anything fer 18 hours, I determined to make wun
effort for my turky. Sez I. “Admittin the bird belongs to the Goverment,”
sez I, “I may retane him I suppose, by payin his valyoo,”
and I tendered him a handful uv the money we hed reseevd that
mornin.

“Not so fast, my aged hero,” sed he, “the Guverment needs turkeys
more than it does money. Money we kin make, but yoo must
be aware, that, without a material alterashen in our anatomikle structure
the makin uv a turkey by us is a impossibility. Leave the property
at my quarters.” * * * * * * * *

That nite I passed the Kernel's quarters. Ther wuz a sound uv
revelry within, and the odor uv a Thanksgivin dinner assaild my
nostrils. The next mornin I saw the Kernel's dorg a chawin the
bones uv that Goverment turkey.