Scripscrapologia or, Collins's Doggerel Dish Of All Sorts. Consisting of Songs Adapted to familiar Tunes, And which may be sung without the Chaunterpipe of an Italian Warbler, or the ravishing Accompaniments of Tweedle-Dum or Tweedle-Dee. Particularly those which have been most applauded in the author's once popular performance, call'd, The Brush. The Gallimaufry garnished with a variety of comic tales, quaint epigrams, whimsical epitaphs, &c. &c. [by John Collins] |
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NOTHING WITHOUT THE NEEDFUL. |
 | Scripscrapologia |  |
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NOTHING WITHOUT THE NEEDFUL.
He who in business trusts a friend,
And stints the means must miss the end;
As fools, who useful forms contemn,
The Argumentum slight, ad Rem;
That Argument which best will speak,
While int'rest binds and blood will break;
For friends will flinch, and off will fall,
If wanting—What makes Friends of all.
This maxim, no less true than stale,
Confirm we by a homespun tale.
And stints the means must miss the end;
As fools, who useful forms contemn,
The Argumentum slight, ad Rem;
That Argument which best will speak,
While int'rest binds and blood will break;
For friends will flinch, and off will fall,
If wanting—What makes Friends of all.
This maxim, no less true than stale,
Confirm we by a homespun tale.
A Quaker, whose extended trade,
Full oft requir'd his pers'nal aid
In foreign marts, and distant climes,
To guard his means in troubl'ous times,
And with his dealers strict to scan,
How balance stood 'twixt man and man,
To Asia's distant shore was bound,
Nor shrunk to cross the Vast Profound;
But bade adieu to kif and kin,
With decent shrug and sober grin;
Eager to brave the boist'rous main,
And combat winds and waves for gain:
When one old Friend, among the rest,
Ventur'd to make a small request;
That, as on India's coast so fair,
Bargains abound both rich and rare,
A brace of hundreds he'd expend,
To purchase bargains for his Friend;
Which, when in safety home convey'd,
With punctual care should be repaid.
Full oft requir'd his pers'nal aid
In foreign marts, and distant climes,
To guard his means in troubl'ous times,
And with his dealers strict to scan,
How balance stood 'twixt man and man,
To Asia's distant shore was bound,
Nor shrunk to cross the Vast Profound;
But bade adieu to kif and kin,
With decent shrug and sober grin;
Eager to brave the boist'rous main,
And combat winds and waves for gain:
When one old Friend, among the rest,
Ventur'd to make a small request;
That, as on India's coast so fair,
Bargains abound both rich and rare,
A brace of hundreds he'd expend,
To purchase bargains for his Friend;
Which, when in safety home convey'd,
With punctual care should be repaid.
A suit so fair, this answer won,—
“No more.—Thy business, Friend, is done.”
This Friend dispatch'd, another came,
Whose modest boon was just the same;
Another and another still,
To grind their grist at Neighbour's Mill,
Whom they conceiv'd a simple soul,
That never dreamt of taking toll;
As all were answer'd, one by one,
“No more,—Thy business, Friend, is done:”
An answer 'twas conclusive too,
For more he never meant to do.
At last came one of Barclay's Band,
With brace of hundreds in his hand:
“This bag contains that sum,” quoth he,
“And prithee Lay that out for me.”
Which suit this different answer won,
“Good Friend, thy bus'ness shall be done.”
“No more.—Thy business, Friend, is done.”
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Whose modest boon was just the same;
Another and another still,
To grind their grist at Neighbour's Mill,
Whom they conceiv'd a simple soul,
That never dreamt of taking toll;
As all were answer'd, one by one,
“No more,—Thy business, Friend, is done:”
An answer 'twas conclusive too,
For more he never meant to do.
At last came one of Barclay's Band,
With brace of hundreds in his hand:
“This bag contains that sum,” quoth he,
“And prithee Lay that out for me.”
Which suit this different answer won,
“Good Friend, thy bus'ness shall be done.”
Twice ten months spent on India's strand,
Friend Prim regain'd his native land;
When numbers question'd “What he'd bought 'em,”
And numbers hop'd “He'd not forgot 'em;”
To which no answer he could find,
But “Pyes upon that Puff of Wind.”
“Pyes on that Puff of Wind,” cried they,
“Friend, dost thou know what thou dost say?”
Friend Prim regain'd his native land;
When numbers question'd “What he'd bought 'em,”
And numbers hop'd “He'd not forgot 'em;”
To which no answer he could find,
But “Pyes upon that Puff of Wind.”
“Pyes on that Puff of Wind,” cried they,
“Friend, dost thou know what thou dost say?”
“Too well!” the subtle wight rejoin'd,
“From me, that puff your names purloin'd:
“Names, upon scraps of paper wrote,
“With all your orders did I note;
“When lo! one Equinoctial Day,
“On quarter-deck I listless lay,
“And under awning shunn'd the glare,
“While scarce a zephyr stirr'd the air;
“Each sep'rate scrap before me laid,
“Each well-known name I then survey'd;
“Read your commands, my pride t' obey,
“When lo! One Puff swept all away;
“All, except One, which kept its ground,
“Being loaded with Two Hundred Pound!
“That pond'rous sum was plac'd thereon,
“Or, with the rest, that must have gone!
“Remembrance flew with that which fled,
“And all went out of this poor head;
“Remembrance cleav'd to that which staid,
“And all his orders I've obey'd:
“Ere I set sail 'twas so decreed,
“Accept the Will, then, for the Deed.
“Thus Deed for Deed is paid in kind,
“For where Love slackens, Gold will bind;
“And unsubstantial words, you find,
“Are lighter than a Puff of Wind.”
“From me, that puff your names purloin'd:
“Names, upon scraps of paper wrote,
“With all your orders did I note;
“When lo! one Equinoctial Day,
“On quarter-deck I listless lay,
“And under awning shunn'd the glare,
“While scarce a zephyr stirr'd the air;
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“Each well-known name I then survey'd;
“Read your commands, my pride t' obey,
“When lo! One Puff swept all away;
“All, except One, which kept its ground,
“Being loaded with Two Hundred Pound!
“That pond'rous sum was plac'd thereon,
“Or, with the rest, that must have gone!
“Remembrance flew with that which fled,
“And all went out of this poor head;
“Remembrance cleav'd to that which staid,
“And all his orders I've obey'd:
“Ere I set sail 'twas so decreed,
“Accept the Will, then, for the Deed.
“Thus Deed for Deed is paid in kind,
“For where Love slackens, Gold will bind;
“And unsubstantial words, you find,
“Are lighter than a Puff of Wind.”
| Scripscrapologia | |