Scripscrapologia or, Collins's Doggerel Dish Of All Sorts. Consisting of Songs Adapted to familiar Tunes, And which may be sung without the Chaunterpipe of an Italian Warbler, or the ravishing Accompaniments of Tweedle-Dum or Tweedle-Dee. Particularly those which have been most applauded in the author's once popular performance, call'd, The Brush. The Gallimaufry garnished with a variety of comic tales, quaint epigrams, whimsical epitaphs, &c. &c. [by John Collins] |
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THE UNWELCOME BALL;
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 | Scripscrapologia |  |
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THE UNWELCOME BALL;
OR, A LESSON FOR LADIES WHO WOULD RATHER DANCE THAN WORK.
Ere cotton thread or silk was worn
On ladies' legs,—'Tis true,
Meer worsted hose did belles adorn,
Their colour—pink or blue.
On ladies' legs,—'Tis true,
Meer worsted hose did belles adorn,
Their colour—pink or blue.
And once, at Wakefield, where, we're told,
Three sisters—wealthy souls!
Wore worsted purses, full of gold,
And stockings, full of holes,
Three sisters—wealthy souls!
Wore worsted purses, full of gold,
And stockings, full of holes,
A martial vet'ran of renown,
Esteem'd and lov'd by all,
Had promis'd, ere he left the town,
To give those belles a Ball.
Esteem'd and lov'd by all,
Had promis'd, ere he left the town,
To give those belles a Ball.
The day was come, the dames were dress'd,
All waiting to be squir'd,
Where fools, with Fortune's favours bless'd,
Are most by fools admir'd.
All waiting to be squir'd,
Where fools, with Fortune's favours bless'd,
Are most by fools admir'd.
Their undarn'd hose of blue and pink,
And eke with clock so white,
Conceal'd by skirts so long, you'd think
Each hole was out of sight.
And eke with clock so white,
Conceal'd by skirts so long, you'd think
Each hole was out of sight.
But objects, with a lynx's eye,
Old Bluff was wont to view;
And oft his optics keen did spy
Those gaps above the shoe:
Old Bluff was wont to view;
And oft his optics keen did spy
Those gaps above the shoe:
And bent to cure them of their sloth,
Which spurn'd the needle's use,
He risk'd the storm of Beldam wrath,
And Billingsgate abuse:
Which spurn'd the needle's use,
He risk'd the storm of Beldam wrath,
And Billingsgate abuse:
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So to their house his steps he turn'd,
A welcome guest to all;
As each with hot impatience burn'd,
To frisk it at the Ball.
A welcome guest to all;
As each with hot impatience burn'd,
To frisk it at the Ball.
But when, to keep his word with all,
To give the Ball he came,
How ev'ry sister curs'd the Ball,
And bawl'd for grief and shame!
To give the Ball he came,
How ev'ry sister curs'd the Ball,
And bawl'd for grief and shame!
To hear the cool Insulter say,
In grave sarcastic mockings;
“Accept this Ball of Worsted, pray,
“To mend your tatter'd stockings.
In grave sarcastic mockings;
“Accept this Ball of Worsted, pray,
“To mend your tatter'd stockings.
“This is the Ball I meant to give,
“Nor deem the gift absurd;
“But keep your Heels whole, while you live,
“As I have kept my Word.”
“Nor deem the gift absurd;
“But keep your Heels whole, while you live,
“As I have kept my Word.”
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